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Substance Abuse
Your house/your rules -How to stop 17 yo from using pot in house?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 705931" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Well. I busted myself. Before I was a hypocrite.</p><p></p><p>Because I was ready to say: <em>if he does disrespect you it is because there is no consequence that affects him.</em></p><p></p><p>And then? I looked in the mirror and I saw myself. While I have followed through and given my son harsh consequences, I revoke them. After a few years, after a year, after 6 months, and now I cannot get through a day without overturning a decision that I had felt at the moment to be the only rational response.</p><p></p><p>I have realized that I am completely split. I can know one thing, and feel quite another. And more and more my feelings are guiding me to stick with my son; because I realize in this way that I am sticking with myself. My best self.</p><p></p><p>On the basis of this self-revision I have come to believe something completely different than before. And while I am unable yet to act from that place in the heat of emotion, more and more quickly I am able to return to it.</p><p></p><p>I do not believe our children learn from their consequences, in the main. They learn from either their own experience, or growing capacity to learn. </p><p></p><p>By consequences, we preach to the choir. And the choir is us. We ease our own anxiety. We diminish our own sense of powerlessness. We feel the control we feel we have lost. We tie things up with a bow. Is it necessarily the right thing? More and more I doubt this, either for me or my child.</p><p></p><p>I agree with your husband. I admire his restraint and his responsibility to everybody. M, my SO, is the same way. I am learning. With training wheels.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 705931, member: 18958"] Well. I busted myself. Before I was a hypocrite. Because I was ready to say: [I]if he does disrespect you it is because there is no consequence that affects him.[/I] And then? I looked in the mirror and I saw myself. While I have followed through and given my son harsh consequences, I revoke them. After a few years, after a year, after 6 months, and now I cannot get through a day without overturning a decision that I had felt at the moment to be the only rational response. I have realized that I am completely split. I can know one thing, and feel quite another. And more and more my feelings are guiding me to stick with my son; because I realize in this way that I am sticking with myself. My best self. On the basis of this self-revision I have come to believe something completely different than before. And while I am unable yet to act from that place in the heat of emotion, more and more quickly I am able to return to it. I do not believe our children learn from their consequences, in the main. They learn from either their own experience, or growing capacity to learn. By consequences, we preach to the choir. And the choir is us. We ease our own anxiety. We diminish our own sense of powerlessness. We feel the control we feel we have lost. We tie things up with a bow. Is it necessarily the right thing? More and more I doubt this, either for me or my child. I agree with your husband. I admire his restraint and his responsibility to everybody. M, my SO, is the same way. I am learning. With training wheels. [/QUOTE]
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Your house/your rules -How to stop 17 yo from using pot in house?
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