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Substance Abuse
Your house/your rules -How to stop 17 yo from using pot in house?
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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 705933" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>This is another one of those times I wish I had found this board about 5 years sooner than I did.</p><p></p><p>I remember once I came home from work and found my son very obviously impaired on something. I searched his room and found many empty bottles of over-the-counter cough and cold medicines which, if taken in large quantities, could cause hallucinations, along with empty jars of Spice and K2, at that time a legal marijuana substitute.</p><p></p><p>Son was so outraged about my searching his room that he took off on his bike, in shorts and a t-shirt, in 40-degree weather, and rode 15 miles to stay with a friend for 10 days. Friend's mother was a single mom who was really struggling, but she was (and is) a very kind person and one of the "cool" kinds of moms whom teens always seemed to gravitate toward.</p><p></p><p>I was "secretly" in communication with friend's mother (and even gave her some grocery money for housing Difficult Child) until we got a counselor appointment set up. Difficult Child agreed to attend, *IF* we were willing to discuss his list of so-called demands for coming home.</p><p></p><p>So we went along with the plan. I am not sure why at this point, but in retrospect I was so devastated that he did not want to be with us, so afraid of losing him and hoped the counselor would do some good, and also so ashamed that he was willing to be another mouth to feed for a struggling single mom.</p><p></p><p>At the appointment, son arrived and presented his list of demands: No nagging him about his homework. No searching his room or backpack. No checking his cell phone. No limiting his computer time. On and on it went.</p><p></p><p>And I am SO not proud of this, but we agreed. To every single thing.</p><p></p><p>Then son said, "And no issues with my smoking K2 and Spice."</p><p></p><p>"Nope, not willing to do that," I said.</p><p></p><p>Son: "But it's legal, so I don't see what is wrong with it."</p><p></p><p>Me: "No, they may be legal but they obviously cause you problems. No, we are not willing to do that."</p><p></p><p>Son: "Then I'm not coming home. I will live with X."</p><p></p><p>Me: "Well...</p><p></p><p>"It IS legal.</p><p></p><p>"So it probably isn't all that bad.</p><p></p><p>"OK, you can smoke it, but just take it easy."</p><p></p><p>And counselor totally lost his professional demeanor.</p><p></p><p>He looked at me, and shouted:</p><p></p><p>"OH, COME <u><em>ON</em></u>!!!"</p><p></p><p>Everything stopped in its tracks, and I realized I was so desperate for a resolution, so desperate for him to be the child I thought I knew, so desperate to have him home and safe and to have things the way I thought they should be, that I had completely stopped being a parent.</p><p></p><p>I think you are doing a wonderful job, Percy. What do you want to do? Do that with great confidence. I agree with SWOT. Your son, though he may put up a real fight, wants you to be in control.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 705933, member: 17720"] This is another one of those times I wish I had found this board about 5 years sooner than I did. I remember once I came home from work and found my son very obviously impaired on something. I searched his room and found many empty bottles of over-the-counter cough and cold medicines which, if taken in large quantities, could cause hallucinations, along with empty jars of Spice and K2, at that time a legal marijuana substitute. Son was so outraged about my searching his room that he took off on his bike, in shorts and a t-shirt, in 40-degree weather, and rode 15 miles to stay with a friend for 10 days. Friend's mother was a single mom who was really struggling, but she was (and is) a very kind person and one of the "cool" kinds of moms whom teens always seemed to gravitate toward. I was "secretly" in communication with friend's mother (and even gave her some grocery money for housing Difficult Child) until we got a counselor appointment set up. Difficult Child agreed to attend, *IF* we were willing to discuss his list of so-called demands for coming home. So we went along with the plan. I am not sure why at this point, but in retrospect I was so devastated that he did not want to be with us, so afraid of losing him and hoped the counselor would do some good, and also so ashamed that he was willing to be another mouth to feed for a struggling single mom. At the appointment, son arrived and presented his list of demands: No nagging him about his homework. No searching his room or backpack. No checking his cell phone. No limiting his computer time. On and on it went. And I am SO not proud of this, but we agreed. To every single thing. Then son said, "And no issues with my smoking K2 and Spice." "Nope, not willing to do that," I said. Son: "But it's legal, so I don't see what is wrong with it." Me: "No, they may be legal but they obviously cause you problems. No, we are not willing to do that." Son: "Then I'm not coming home. I will live with X." Me: "Well... "It IS legal. "So it probably isn't all that bad. "OK, you can smoke it, but just take it easy." And counselor totally lost his professional demeanor. He looked at me, and shouted: "OH, COME [U][I]ON[/I][/U]!!!" Everything stopped in its tracks, and I realized I was so desperate for a resolution, so desperate for him to be the child I thought I knew, so desperate to have him home and safe and to have things the way I thought they should be, that I had completely stopped being a parent. I think you are doing a wonderful job, Percy. What do you want to do? Do that with great confidence. I agree with SWOT. Your son, though he may put up a real fight, wants you to be in control. [/QUOTE]
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