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The Watercooler
"You're a terrible parent," said my 35 year old son.
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 573694" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Hmmmmmmm, maybe this attitude that he is the ONLY important thing/person in the world could be why he has no friends in Missouri, and no wife and no siblings and no father to turn to? </p><p></p><p>Of course that cannot be it. I am SURE that the only reason he doesn't have friends is because everyone is jealous of how wonderful he is and they just want to tear him down, that his wife was just a gold digger who is a liar and his siblngs and father? Well they are just abusive because they don't realize that he should be more important to them than anything else in the world, but only make 'demands' on him of what little he wants to give/share and not call except when HE wants to talk to them and it is convenient for HIM.</p><p></p><p>This boy is not a man. He needs to learn some respect and in my opinion you need to stop taking his calls. Write a letter telling him that until he can learn to RESPECT you as an adult and a person, and to show you that respect, then you will not be answering his calls unless it fits with YOUR schedule and YOUR convenience. He did not care enough about you to insist that you were a part of his married life and to insist that his child be allowed to build a relationship with you, but you should drop everything to listen to him whine about losing this child THAT YOU HAVE BARELY EVEN BEEN ALLOWED TO SEE, MUCH LESS SPEAK TO?? I don't think so. </p><p></p><p>Until he gets some therapy he can write to you or email you and you will read it at YOUR convenience. Other than that, he can call and if it is a good time you will answer. I think this man-child needs serious therapy He shouldn't have custody or unsupervised visitation most likely until he gets his anger under control, in my opinion. If he rages to you on the phone and all you have done is not listen or not agreed with him, what is he going to do to a small child who wants what he wants when he wants it and can be EXPECTED to be demanding simply because kids are demanding. There is NO way that your son has enough patience or self control to not get overly angry and abusive at least verbally to his child, and in my opinion that is seriously unhealthy. I really wish and hope that the courts insist he either takes some parenting classes and gets some anger management or he doesn't get anything but supervised visitation wtih his son. </p><p></p><p>The way your son treats you really really scares me. He very much reminds me of gfgbro. The last rage gfgbro had at us was at husband and the kids. Bro refused to let husband shut the car door and drive away because gfgbro insisted that he had the RIGHT, the absolute RIGHT, to speak his mind to them and tell them what he thought. He somehow figures that if he wants to rage, others MUST listen or they are infringing on his rights. Your son expresses pretty much the same things, and if you were closer I am willing to bet that the rage would turn physical. I actually wonder if domestic violence is part of the reason for the divorce. If he treats his MOTHER this way, how did he treat his wife and child? You don't have to like or love her, and she could be a horrible person, but his behavior is still over the top and out of bounds.</p><p></p><p>I am SOOO SORRY you have to deal with it. He is totally wrong and you are NOT a bad mother in any way. You raised him, you are no longer responsible for him. You don't have to wipe his tushie or nose, or fix his dinner, or help with his homework any more. You have children who are still children, THEY are your priority and so is your own life because you are a person, not just his mommy. It is time for him to stop trying to reattach this umbilical cord. If he had his wife, he wouldn't want much to do with you, would he? I bet he wanted his wife to be his mommy n additiont o everything else, and now that she isnt' there, he wants to reconnect the umbilical cord and make YOU fix his world so he won't have to face it and take some ownership of the mess that he has created for himself.</p><p></p><p>Love him enough to make him stand on his own two feet. THAT is what a good mom does, and in my opinion you are a GREAT mom. He is wrong, out of line, difficult child and selfish and acting like an entitled brat. </p><p></p><p>Just because the phone rings does NOT mean you must answer it. It is an invitation into your home and you do NOT have to answer or open that door unless it is a good time for YOU. If it is an emergency or he is in the hospital? He can leave a message and you will call him back. Before cell phones people OFTEN had to wait until we were home and it was a good time. The world didn't end just because a ringing phone wasn't answered or the parent of an adult couldn't get to the phone every minute of every day, Know what I mean??</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 573694, member: 1233"] Hmmmmmmm, maybe this attitude that he is the ONLY important thing/person in the world could be why he has no friends in Missouri, and no wife and no siblings and no father to turn to? Of course that cannot be it. I am SURE that the only reason he doesn't have friends is because everyone is jealous of how wonderful he is and they just want to tear him down, that his wife was just a gold digger who is a liar and his siblngs and father? Well they are just abusive because they don't realize that he should be more important to them than anything else in the world, but only make 'demands' on him of what little he wants to give/share and not call except when HE wants to talk to them and it is convenient for HIM. This boy is not a man. He needs to learn some respect and in my opinion you need to stop taking his calls. Write a letter telling him that until he can learn to RESPECT you as an adult and a person, and to show you that respect, then you will not be answering his calls unless it fits with YOUR schedule and YOUR convenience. He did not care enough about you to insist that you were a part of his married life and to insist that his child be allowed to build a relationship with you, but you should drop everything to listen to him whine about losing this child THAT YOU HAVE BARELY EVEN BEEN ALLOWED TO SEE, MUCH LESS SPEAK TO?? I don't think so. Until he gets some therapy he can write to you or email you and you will read it at YOUR convenience. Other than that, he can call and if it is a good time you will answer. I think this man-child needs serious therapy He shouldn't have custody or unsupervised visitation most likely until he gets his anger under control, in my opinion. If he rages to you on the phone and all you have done is not listen or not agreed with him, what is he going to do to a small child who wants what he wants when he wants it and can be EXPECTED to be demanding simply because kids are demanding. There is NO way that your son has enough patience or self control to not get overly angry and abusive at least verbally to his child, and in my opinion that is seriously unhealthy. I really wish and hope that the courts insist he either takes some parenting classes and gets some anger management or he doesn't get anything but supervised visitation wtih his son. The way your son treats you really really scares me. He very much reminds me of gfgbro. The last rage gfgbro had at us was at husband and the kids. Bro refused to let husband shut the car door and drive away because gfgbro insisted that he had the RIGHT, the absolute RIGHT, to speak his mind to them and tell them what he thought. He somehow figures that if he wants to rage, others MUST listen or they are infringing on his rights. Your son expresses pretty much the same things, and if you were closer I am willing to bet that the rage would turn physical. I actually wonder if domestic violence is part of the reason for the divorce. If he treats his MOTHER this way, how did he treat his wife and child? You don't have to like or love her, and she could be a horrible person, but his behavior is still over the top and out of bounds. I am SOOO SORRY you have to deal with it. He is totally wrong and you are NOT a bad mother in any way. You raised him, you are no longer responsible for him. You don't have to wipe his tushie or nose, or fix his dinner, or help with his homework any more. You have children who are still children, THEY are your priority and so is your own life because you are a person, not just his mommy. It is time for him to stop trying to reattach this umbilical cord. If he had his wife, he wouldn't want much to do with you, would he? I bet he wanted his wife to be his mommy n additiont o everything else, and now that she isnt' there, he wants to reconnect the umbilical cord and make YOU fix his world so he won't have to face it and take some ownership of the mess that he has created for himself. Love him enough to make him stand on his own two feet. THAT is what a good mom does, and in my opinion you are a GREAT mom. He is wrong, out of line, difficult child and selfish and acting like an entitled brat. Just because the phone rings does NOT mean you must answer it. It is an invitation into your home and you do NOT have to answer or open that door unless it is a good time for YOU. If it is an emergency or he is in the hospital? He can leave a message and you will call him back. Before cell phones people OFTEN had to wait until we were home and it was a good time. The world didn't end just because a ringing phone wasn't answered or the parent of an adult couldn't get to the phone every minute of every day, Know what I mean?? [/QUOTE]
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"You're a terrible parent," said my 35 year old son.
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