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The Watercooler
"You're a terrible parent," said my 35 year old son.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 573703" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Susie, as usual you hit the nail on the head. Yes, there was some roughness in the marriage and throughout his life. He isnt' a hitter though. He has shoved and thrown things and is verbally aggressive...so far. If he had hit his child, his ex would have filed for custody. She wants it. That doesn't mean its a good thing when his son hears him yelling at me on the phone. His language gets ugly too when he's mad. Anger management would most certainly be great, but he claims there is no place he can go for therapy that he can afford. He makes too much for the low cost places but doesn't have enough for a private therapist. Who knows? Not my problem.</p><p></p><p>I like your letter idea and I think I'm going to write one. I really have tried to help him. I know he is mentally ill and is having a hard time being alone, but his ex, although not a nice lady, did not leave him for nothing. I always did get why she left him, even if she is also no prize. My poor grandson really has two bad parents and I hope his new stepfather is a good guy. From what I've heard about him, he seems to be. </p><p></p><p>Susie, you know what? If I think about how he didn't bother to make sure my grandson could know me when they all lived in Chicago, I'd probably hang up on HIM. I'm glad you brought it up...lol. I'm sure if I brought it up to him he'd hang up, but I'm so used to that, it doesn't bother me all that much. I just posted the conversation because it is so bizarre and I do feel a little guilty that I raised him and he never grew up and has all the manners of a hungry dog waiting for dinner. (That's an insult to my dogs, by the way). </p><p></p><p>I don't answer the phone when he calls a lot of the time. Bless caller ID! Then he calls ten times in a row, but I just let it go. I'd say 80% of the time we talk, he is rational. It's the other 20% that makes me wonder how he got this way. All I can think of is genetics. I raised all my kids the same and the youngest three have compassion and empathy, including my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son...he is VERY loving. But the 35 year old thinks he is always right. He will never apologize to me. He thinks that I am in the wrong, that it was horrible to put his love life or possible complaints about his ex or his loneliness on hold for two hours to watch my favorite team's playoff game. The thing is, before his divorce, NOBODY could talk to him on the phone if ANY of his favorite teams were on and he likes to watch ALL sports. </p><p></p><p>I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have this place to vent, Know what I mean?? I can tell my hub and he rolls his eyes and spouts off about this grown up child a little. Then Jumper and Sonic hear and Sonic shakes his head and Jumper rolls her eyes like her father did and says, "He's nuts." They can hear him yelling over my cell phone. Jumper says, "Why do you even talk to him?" just like you said. All I can answer is, he's my child and I do love him, but I can only take him in very small doses and he isn't a very nice person. Narcissism...just like my dad. They are the center of their worlds and expect to be the center of everyone else's. My father also shoves, throws things and swears/yells when he gets mad. I limit my talking time to him too. He hasn't mellowed now that he is 88...lol! Thanks to all for listening. Any other thoughts welcome. This kid always takes me by surprise.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 573703, member: 1550"] Susie, as usual you hit the nail on the head. Yes, there was some roughness in the marriage and throughout his life. He isnt' a hitter though. He has shoved and thrown things and is verbally aggressive...so far. If he had hit his child, his ex would have filed for custody. She wants it. That doesn't mean its a good thing when his son hears him yelling at me on the phone. His language gets ugly too when he's mad. Anger management would most certainly be great, but he claims there is no place he can go for therapy that he can afford. He makes too much for the low cost places but doesn't have enough for a private therapist. Who knows? Not my problem. I like your letter idea and I think I'm going to write one. I really have tried to help him. I know he is mentally ill and is having a hard time being alone, but his ex, although not a nice lady, did not leave him for nothing. I always did get why she left him, even if she is also no prize. My poor grandson really has two bad parents and I hope his new stepfather is a good guy. From what I've heard about him, he seems to be. Susie, you know what? If I think about how he didn't bother to make sure my grandson could know me when they all lived in Chicago, I'd probably hang up on HIM. I'm glad you brought it up...lol. I'm sure if I brought it up to him he'd hang up, but I'm so used to that, it doesn't bother me all that much. I just posted the conversation because it is so bizarre and I do feel a little guilty that I raised him and he never grew up and has all the manners of a hungry dog waiting for dinner. (That's an insult to my dogs, by the way). I don't answer the phone when he calls a lot of the time. Bless caller ID! Then he calls ten times in a row, but I just let it go. I'd say 80% of the time we talk, he is rational. It's the other 20% that makes me wonder how he got this way. All I can think of is genetics. I raised all my kids the same and the youngest three have compassion and empathy, including my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son...he is VERY loving. But the 35 year old thinks he is always right. He will never apologize to me. He thinks that I am in the wrong, that it was horrible to put his love life or possible complaints about his ex or his loneliness on hold for two hours to watch my favorite team's playoff game. The thing is, before his divorce, NOBODY could talk to him on the phone if ANY of his favorite teams were on and he likes to watch ALL sports. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have this place to vent, Know what I mean?? I can tell my hub and he rolls his eyes and spouts off about this grown up child a little. Then Jumper and Sonic hear and Sonic shakes his head and Jumper rolls her eyes like her father did and says, "He's nuts." They can hear him yelling over my cell phone. Jumper says, "Why do you even talk to him?" just like you said. All I can answer is, he's my child and I do love him, but I can only take him in very small doses and he isn't a very nice person. Narcissism...just like my dad. They are the center of their worlds and expect to be the center of everyone else's. My father also shoves, throws things and swears/yells when he gets mad. I limit my talking time to him too. He hasn't mellowed now that he is 88...lol! Thanks to all for listening. Any other thoughts welcome. This kid always takes me by surprise. [/QUOTE]
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