youngmomwithadultson
New Member
my son was kicked out of HS when he was 18 in the last 3 months of 12th grade because he brought a knife to school. He was also kicked out of his father's house where he was living because he held that same knife to his father's throat. He chose to live with his dad when we got divorced and that hurt me very much. Before 12th grade he bounced around to different schools in the area not able to stick to one, but by the grace of god he was able to finish high school at a special needs school that let him finish his last 3 months there. His grand mother had to let him stay with her where the special needs school was. The school district in my area would not let him attend. After he graduated from HS, he was accepted into an art school but he failed out after one semester. I took him in then. He was with me for one year. We had some pretty simple rules that he had to have at least a part time job or be in school. He got fired from at least five different jobs before I insisted he go into a on the job training program. It paid him pretty decently. He didn't do well with that either though. He had other rules to keep his area of the house clean and he didn't do that either. He'd get mad when he was asked or if we complained that things were messy or if things smelled. He refused to pay any bills or pitch in around the house so things escalated to the point where we insisted on a date that he had to leave and since we scheduled a date for him to go he got mad and up and left that day. He purchased a car on his own. After he left the car was repossessed.
Although it seems like at least he has a job I can't get him to keep a job or pay a bill. He's mean and nasty with me all the time. He talks to me like i'm his enemy and says he blames me for his life being so horrible and hard. He's completely delusional. He says he has been out on the street since he was 15. He tells stories about how people blame him for other peoples deaths. He thinks he's a karate champion. None of these things are true. He manipulates his way into staying with us longer by saying he's going to move to California. So, he'll need to save up money. He does have a job right now that he has had for two months. He comes home from work smelling terrible and he downright refuses to wash his clothes himself so I do it for him.
We let him come back here with us just two weeks ago but with new rules that he's only allowed to be here from 10pm to 730am hoping it will be uncomfortable. I gave him the date that he needs to have his own place by sept 1st but that doesn't look like its going to happen. The thing is WE ARE moving this time and my fiancé will not have him come with us and I believe that is the right decision.
I look at the posts and the advice and I see that people get a lot of the same advice from their families. They say that no matter what we are to keep putting a roof over their heads, that we need to keep making sure they have food to eat. I'm just not sure that's the best advice anymore.
I saw another person who has had similar experiences say.. JUST QUIT cooking them meals, JUST QUIT doing their laundry, JUST QUIT allowing them to emotionally drain you.. and let them do for themselves and I read the detachment post. Its time to take back my life. I just need the right kind of support.
I feel so guilty for divorcing his father. I feel so guilty for being so young I'm 38 and he's 21. I feel guilty that I don't have more money to give him. I feel guilty that I didn't do whatever it is that he wants me to do and I don't even know what it is. I feel guilty that I don't WANT to take care of him anymore. HELL, I feel guilty that I don't want to feel guilty anymore. BUT when does it end?
Although it seems like at least he has a job I can't get him to keep a job or pay a bill. He's mean and nasty with me all the time. He talks to me like i'm his enemy and says he blames me for his life being so horrible and hard. He's completely delusional. He says he has been out on the street since he was 15. He tells stories about how people blame him for other peoples deaths. He thinks he's a karate champion. None of these things are true. He manipulates his way into staying with us longer by saying he's going to move to California. So, he'll need to save up money. He does have a job right now that he has had for two months. He comes home from work smelling terrible and he downright refuses to wash his clothes himself so I do it for him.
We let him come back here with us just two weeks ago but with new rules that he's only allowed to be here from 10pm to 730am hoping it will be uncomfortable. I gave him the date that he needs to have his own place by sept 1st but that doesn't look like its going to happen. The thing is WE ARE moving this time and my fiancé will not have him come with us and I believe that is the right decision.
I look at the posts and the advice and I see that people get a lot of the same advice from their families. They say that no matter what we are to keep putting a roof over their heads, that we need to keep making sure they have food to eat. I'm just not sure that's the best advice anymore.
I saw another person who has had similar experiences say.. JUST QUIT cooking them meals, JUST QUIT doing their laundry, JUST QUIT allowing them to emotionally drain you.. and let them do for themselves and I read the detachment post. Its time to take back my life. I just need the right kind of support.
I feel so guilty for divorcing his father. I feel so guilty for being so young I'm 38 and he's 21. I feel guilty that I don't have more money to give him. I feel guilty that I didn't do whatever it is that he wants me to do and I don't even know what it is. I feel guilty that I don't WANT to take care of him anymore. HELL, I feel guilty that I don't want to feel guilty anymore. BUT when does it end?