3 year old with violent tantrums

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ldoo, Jul 3, 2013.

  1. ldoo

    ldoo New Member

    I'm at such a loss as to what to do for my little girl. From before she was 1, she would throw tantrums that could be up to an hour long and she simply could not calm herself down. She's 3 now, and they are only worse. They are violent. She bites, scratches and kicks me, caregivers and herself. She completely tears up anything around her, throwing and ruining all objects. She is so irrational and crazed/enraged that I don't know how she hasn't blown blood vessels throughout her entire body.

    Not every upset causes a fit like this. We really can't tell what in particular will set her off. She can have a week where she has several days in a row of these violent fits, and then they may go away for several weeks.

    When she doesn't do this, she is a typical, smart, loving and funny child. She has always been quicker to upset, and yes, we've let her be babied too much.

    But guys - this is beyond a spoiling issue. Her fits never result in her getting her way, so there's no reasoning from her side to throw them. I think she seriously has zero control over herself. The only way she calms down is after it's been so long that she's exhausted and maybe distracted.

    I've tried everything. I'm not even so interested in stopping the fits as I am in the fact that I fear she has a mental problem. From what I've read, she could likely have ADHD or another conduct disorder. Anyone who sees her act like this tells me it's not normal, including a friend who has worked with that age children for 10 years.

    Please, give me advice. Does she sound like she needs help? I'll do whatever I can.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sounds like she should be evaluated. in my opinion more is going on than ADHD to cause those kinds of fits. Did she or does she have any delays or strange squirks? Does she know how to play with toys and can she be with her little peers without hurting them? Any unusual or obsessive interests, tics, throat clearing, screams for no reason? Does she repeat what she hears on television or what others say to her over a nd over again? Anything else odd? Is she sensitive to loud noise, certain fabrics, certain food textures, the way her socks feel on her feet? Does change bother her?

    The first step to getting help is this evaluation. I like neuropsychs. You can also take her to a university hospital for a comprehensive evaluation done by several different professionals. Both evaluations are time consuming but tell you more than any therapist can. Regular parenting methods don't work on our differently wired children.

    Did she have a cohesive, stable first three years? Any siblings? Father in the picture? Anything psychiatric on either side of her genetic family tree (even if dad has never seen her...she is half of his DNA, regardless of his presence or lack of it). The more you can tell us, the more we can give suggestions that may help you, but I think everyone will agree on the evaluation.

    Being babied or "spoiled" doesn't cause this type of behavior. Most loving parents spoil our young children very much, especially our first ones, and most don't act like that. It is not you. It is that she is differently wired in her brain. You're parenting is off the hook.