Blindsided
Face the Sun
Just when I thought nothing could shock me.
I have not known how to really make this post. So much has been going through my mind.
As most know, my middle aged daughter is an alcoholic and abuses adderall and xanax and has manipulated and abused me. Since setting boundaries and sticking to them, she has done better towards me, but not for herself. Has been same victimhood. Cant have a baby, too sick, no place to live this, that.
I let go and let God. I spend much of my day in prayer. I try to stay in touch with her every couple of weeks by sending an emoji. Last week I send heart, mammogram? She had a lump and was sure she was dying because sick. Mammogram fine. At that time, she was at doctor and texted that to me. She was there to get test results for bloating. She calls me. I answer (usually dont until I can digest what it could mean because PTSD).
She says, mom, (actually did not call me by my first name) "I am pregnant!" She thought after all these years it was impossible. The main cause of depression, she said. Had tried to get pregnant with last boyfriend of 4 years.
When I got myself together I said, "well, as your mother I am glad you are sick because of this instead of liver failure. Anyway, ultrasound next day. Baby due Oct 5th. I told her of the obstacles, fetal alcohol and age related risks. She said not getting abortion or giving up for adoption.
My son and sis said i need to encourage abortion, but I cant because of my own beliefs. When I said, I cannot do that, they said to get ready to raise a disabled grandchild. At 70 and 74? That was not what I needed to hear.
I told Difficult Child to call about detox under supervision. She called!!!! They told her she could try on her own. I talked to her sister (step, who took her in for a while) and Difficult Child is doing great. Sober, sound mind, able to problem solve. (I had same experience the day I talked to her on phone). She is 6 days completely alcohol and adderall free, and nearly off xanax. Her sis said Difficult Child is dedicated to doing the best for her baby.
As for father, he doesnt currently have a job. Unclear if it is because of coronovirus, but she doesnt live with him. She stays with a male friend that I imagine she manipulated. He is alcoholic, too. No idea how that will work out, but I made clear I am not the rescue person anymore.
I know not to go all in. I expected her to use this to manipulate and she tried to play to my emotions. Difficult Child called again and said she doesnt know what she is going to do. Roommate asking her to leave. I simply said, "you will figure this out. I am very proud and you are capable."
Theres more, but this should give an idea of why I am apprehensive.
For the first time in years she texted me back today when I sent a text that sis filled me in and a gif way to go! She said thank you and asked if we were ok and have food.
This is so much to process. I dont want to get too involved, but I need to let her know if she flies right, we can have a relationship again.
If you are a praying person, I sure need them.
I have not known how to really make this post. So much has been going through my mind.
As most know, my middle aged daughter is an alcoholic and abuses adderall and xanax and has manipulated and abused me. Since setting boundaries and sticking to them, she has done better towards me, but not for herself. Has been same victimhood. Cant have a baby, too sick, no place to live this, that.
I let go and let God. I spend much of my day in prayer. I try to stay in touch with her every couple of weeks by sending an emoji. Last week I send heart, mammogram? She had a lump and was sure she was dying because sick. Mammogram fine. At that time, she was at doctor and texted that to me. She was there to get test results for bloating. She calls me. I answer (usually dont until I can digest what it could mean because PTSD).
She says, mom, (actually did not call me by my first name) "I am pregnant!" She thought after all these years it was impossible. The main cause of depression, she said. Had tried to get pregnant with last boyfriend of 4 years.
When I got myself together I said, "well, as your mother I am glad you are sick because of this instead of liver failure. Anyway, ultrasound next day. Baby due Oct 5th. I told her of the obstacles, fetal alcohol and age related risks. She said not getting abortion or giving up for adoption.
My son and sis said i need to encourage abortion, but I cant because of my own beliefs. When I said, I cannot do that, they said to get ready to raise a disabled grandchild. At 70 and 74? That was not what I needed to hear.
I told Difficult Child to call about detox under supervision. She called!!!! They told her she could try on her own. I talked to her sister (step, who took her in for a while) and Difficult Child is doing great. Sober, sound mind, able to problem solve. (I had same experience the day I talked to her on phone). She is 6 days completely alcohol and adderall free, and nearly off xanax. Her sis said Difficult Child is dedicated to doing the best for her baby.
As for father, he doesnt currently have a job. Unclear if it is because of coronovirus, but she doesnt live with him. She stays with a male friend that I imagine she manipulated. He is alcoholic, too. No idea how that will work out, but I made clear I am not the rescue person anymore.
I know not to go all in. I expected her to use this to manipulate and she tried to play to my emotions. Difficult Child called again and said she doesnt know what she is going to do. Roommate asking her to leave. I simply said, "you will figure this out. I am very proud and you are capable."
Theres more, but this should give an idea of why I am apprehensive.
For the first time in years she texted me back today when I sent a text that sis filled me in and a gif way to go! She said thank you and asked if we were ok and have food.
This is so much to process. I dont want to get too involved, but I need to let her know if she flies right, we can have a relationship again.
If you are a praying person, I sure need them.