A discreet post on "little"difficult child's sexuality concepts...Good Grief!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DDD, Jan 20, 2011.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    As you guys know difficult child is as Aspie and unable to judge circumstances accurately...while at the same time he is very judgemental of others and has very strong opinions based on ??? (who knows!) His GFGmom decided to take him from our home three years ago to access his disability payments etc. and then decided he needed to have an apartment of his own because he was driving her boyfriend crazy. :sigh:

    Anyway, he has an apartment and (thanks to GFGmom) his big bro easy child/difficult child moved in with him (again due to GFGmom's influence). WELL he gives his food stamps to others when they say they are hungry. He has had livein girlfriend who is BiPolar (BP) and bisexual.She is really a piece of work. Now she has a supplemental boyfriend who is staying over at the apartment.......and he, too, is bisexual. Jerry Springer stuff!
    OMG! Now, it appears, that she is influencing difficult child to explore the bi world.

    I think I am going to throw up. I've been on the difficult child rollercoaster since the 1960's and it is getting to be TOO much. Yes I KNOW that there is nothing I can do about it but I feel like a witness to an upcoming train wreck. Geez. DDD
     
  2. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Well.... at least he's open-minded. I hope he plays safe.
     
  3. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    I hate that 'watching a train wreck unfold' feeling. Sorry ... I hope he rethinks it. Not everything has
    to be experienced.
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    That's why I'm planning for my high functioning autistic son to continue to have supports into adulthood. He may be able to do school work, but he would do the same thing...hand over his food stamps and let others take advantage of him. Aspies really do have a bad disability and, sadly, often others (like gfgmom's boyfriend) don't see it...they just see a kid they think is lazy. He probably should not be living on his own. He needs community supports for his own safety in my opinion. Most Aspies are such sweet, giving people...they'd give their shirt off their backs even if they were freezing to death. I don't believe Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids or adults can usually make good decisions for themselves and I think they grow up much later (if they are high functioning enough to completely grow up). It's so discouraging to read this, and I hope things turn out better than it seems that they will. Take care.
     
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This is really such a bad sign...ugh. Im not entirely sure its the Aspie traits in him though. Personally my thoughts would be the lack of self esteem and him thinking he has to buy friendships and having to do whatever to keep people around him. I could almost have seen Jamie headed for this if he hadnt ended up going into the military or finally getting that first girlfriend. He didnt actually date till he was almost 17. Very late for most boys. He just wasnt interested. Now Cory? LOL.

    Billy is very high functioning Aspie and I dont think he would allow himself to be swayed. I could be wrong. He hasnt really dated much. Does more now because he actually can drive himself...lol. I guess it was hard when you are in your mid twenties and have to ask mom to drive you on a date.

    I really think we should put Billy in charge of a bunch of the higher functioning Aspie kids on the board as they become adults. He is great with money, can work, knows how to pay bills on time, can organize doctor appts and keep up with when medications need to be ordered because he can set all that up on the computer. The only thing he isnt real good with is housekeeping. And a bit of social skills although he is a great salesman. He is also pretty good with toddlers which I would have never dreamed he would be. He absolutely adores Keyana and her him. I want to get them matching shirts. He calls her the monkey princess so I want to get her a shirt with a monkey wearing a tiara that says Monkey and him a shirt saying Monkey's Uncle. LOL. He taught her what sound a monkey made before she was a year old!
     
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    It took me many many years of much hard work to stop Travis from over giving to others, especially those outside of the family. While it's commendable under the right circumstances, those on the spectrum usually have a very difficult time judging if the situation is appropriate or not. Well.........I *think* we've worked through this behavior.......anyway as he did will with his roomates at college.

    I'm so sorry you have to sit and watch this unfold. I would have a very difficult time keeping my mouth shut and my thoughts to myself on this one.

    ((((hugs))))
     
  7. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Oh boy. No aspie experience here, but I have a daughter with poor judgement who would hand over every dime she had. She's been boy crazy since she could talk (I am not joking), but she did take a brief foray into the bi world just a few months back. She and the "girlfriend" were all over facebook for the whole two weeks it lasted! Make sure he's armed with the information to keep himself safe and then wait and pray.

    No matter how old or independent they are, it's still hard.
    Dash
     
  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh boy is right. Although my difficult child is not aspie she has had many different sexual experiences of all kinds and has aquired several not so flattering nicknames because of them. I know what you mean about watching a trainwreck about to happen, we do that all the time.

    As far as giving stuff away she's done that too. She even tries to give my stuff away until I find out. She offered my treadmill to a friend of hers because "you don't use it." When the friend came over to pick it up I had to inform her that while I may not be using it now it wasn't up for grabs.

    Nancy
     
  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    To make a very complex issue...slightly simple. I think that his amoral girlfriend thrives on excitement and defying rules. She does
    have lots of "friends" who come to the apartment regularly. difficult child has always wanted friends. He doesn't grasp the difference between a "friend" and a "taker". Since he left our home he just floats with the moment and loves the excitement of having an apartment full of people who "accept" (or at least don't "ignore") him. When he is in our company he behaves in an appropriate but occasionally off the wall way. When in Rome.....sigh! DDD
     
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Exactly DDD. He wants to be part of a crowd...to belong. Gawd I know how that feels. I did everything to be accepted. It didnt matter by who. If the really smart, college bound, honor students had pulled me into their crowd and accepted me, I would be a whole different person today. Instead, they shunned me because I was different. I transferred in to a public school from a small private school and my mom made all my clothes and/or picked them out to make me look different. I also had significant social issues from a very young age. I was easy prey. Finally the only group who would let me hang around were the stoners. Hence...where I ended up. No one cared who I was as long as I would get high, do their homework and have sex. Sad really.
     
  11. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    It's just too sad. But...I have to accept the things I can not change. I no longer have the energy to invite him to come back home and readapt to a semblance of normal. I'll have to hope that he has a later moment of enlightenment and ends up as a valuable adult...as you did. DDD
     
  12. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    It sounds as if they need a crate of ...protection, protection, protection. I'm sorry, D3. This has to be a worry.

    Hugs,
    Suz
     
  13. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Wow. While I did (still do) have social issues, I keep realizing what really good friends I had/have. A lot of them were also "quirky" kids, from all walks of life. They helped me develop the boldness that can sometimes propel me through some awkward situations and the attitude to (mostly) not care if someone didn't like me. They accepted me, quirks and all, taught me a lot about a lot of different things, and didn't get me in too much trouble. I had one close friend in the "popular crowd" in middle school that years later told me she had admired me. I was floored. She said "You had the courage to be yourself no matter what other people thought. I always felt I had to wear certain brands, act a certain way." (I also heard from other sources that if someone said something nasty about any of her friends, including me, she would get in their face and tell them what's up, so I think she underrated herself) I don't think I told her that WAS my defensive mechanism. I pretty much was the type that if you obviously didn't like me, I would do my utmost best to make you so uncomfortable that you would avoid me. Including bringing the worm I dissected and saved in a jar of alcohol to lunch and would set on the table. The girls thought it was cool, the guys were grossed out, LMAO.
     
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    H...I was very sick ...emotionally almost all my life. Something was very wrong with me. I have often wondered just what I would have been diagnosed with if I was a child today.

    I remember one really bad social situation that almost sticks out like a beacon to me of just how socially awkward I was.

    5th grade. Very small private school that was either associated with the Methodist or Episcopalian Church. I cannot remember anymore. It was a school that ran 1st thru 6th grades. I started there in the 4th grade and left in 6th. I had been in another school in 3rd grade but it went out of business. Im much older than you so you probably dont remember but I was in school during a time when busing was a huge problem in large cities which was why I was sent to these private schools when I was young.

    Anyway..back to the story, On the last day of 5th grade they handed out report cards and all our grades were on them. Im sure you remember the old cardboard report cards where they had each 6 or 9 week grading period in blocks going down the page on the inside and it was folded like a card. There was a place on one side for the teacher to put remarks for each grading period and on the back of the card the parent had to sign it and kids returned them. Oh this is the ancient way of doing it...lol.

    Well on the last day of school, the teachers normally wrote if a child passed on to the next grade. I had all A's and B's however for some reason the teacher didnt write on my report card that I had passed. Maybe she forgot or maybe she thought I was smart enough to figure it out. All or maybe it was just a couple of bratty kids...but to me it was all...started picking on me saying that because it didnt say I had passed that meant I had failed and would have to take 5th grade over again. They had me in tears. I was so upset I was almost throwing up and was so scared my parents were going to beat me. I couldnt figure out what to do.

    Normal kids would have known they were making fun of me. I didnt.
     
  15. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    The latest news is that girlfriend is suppose to move out this weekend. GFGmom and her boyfriend say that if she is not out on her own by tomorrow they will load her stuff up and take it wherever she designates. We'll see.

    Anybody care to guess "why" GFGmom has taken on this position?? Is it because she loads the apartment with friends who stay all night? No. Is it because she is intimate with others while living in difficult child's apartment. No. Should I go on? No.

    GFGmom is removing her from the apartment (if she doesn't go willingly) because of $$$'s. Surprise!! The girl is smart and can easily get a job. She has been transported to restaurants that are hiring and to a service center where she got a call back which she ignored. GFGmom does not want "anyone taking advantage of her son". Yep! DDD
     
  16. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    But gone is good, right?
     
  17. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Right! DDD
     
  18. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    At least getting her gone is someone else's headache. :D
     
  19. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Just found out....she's moving less than two blocks away. Oh, well. As you say...at least she will be out. I assume that difficult child will be spending alot of time at her place. I "accept those things I can not change"...with a little bit of difficulty. LOL DDD
     
  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    DDD....I am thinking that maybe gfgmom got wind that it is possible that someone reported to DSS that this woman was living with difficult child and his stamps got cut. If she is there and her income is counted, it would cut his stamps.
     
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