pepperidge
New Member
Has anyone read Socially Curious, Curiously Social? It is supposed to be really good .
A Plan to "Teach" Empathy - Input please?
- Thread starter DaisyFace
- Start date
I think it is an excellent idea. Marg voiced a lot of my ideas.
Some of what Shari said reminds me of the lead character in the JD Robb (aka Nora Roberts) In Death series of novels. Lt. Eve Dallas hates small talk, etc.... Is pretty much a no-nonsense person but when she calls her husband she has to ask his assistant how she is, etc.... In some chapters she calls it "doing the dance" and sees clearly that it has to be done to get what she wants. Not just with the assistant, with a lot of different people/situation. I think that maybe teaching difficult child that this is a PITA that has to be done to get what you want may be the real result, but if it gets the results, then it is worth it.
I am NOT saying to let difficult child read these books. Not sure she would pick up on it. But it brought it to mind.
I think the jar may end up teaching her that to get what she wants with a minimum of grief she has to play the game, do the dance. Not fun, but part of life that has to be dealt with. And if it actually teaches empathy that is great. Either way, it will make her easier to live with, Know what I mean??
Some of what Shari said reminds me of the lead character in the JD Robb (aka Nora Roberts) In Death series of novels. Lt. Eve Dallas hates small talk, etc.... Is pretty much a no-nonsense person but when she calls her husband she has to ask his assistant how she is, etc.... In some chapters she calls it "doing the dance" and sees clearly that it has to be done to get what she wants. Not just with the assistant, with a lot of different people/situation. I think that maybe teaching difficult child that this is a PITA that has to be done to get what you want may be the real result, but if it gets the results, then it is worth it.
I am NOT saying to let difficult child read these books. Not sure she would pick up on it. But it brought it to mind.
I think the jar may end up teaching her that to get what she wants with a minimum of grief she has to play the game, do the dance. Not fun, but part of life that has to be dealt with. And if it actually teaches empathy that is great. Either way, it will make her easier to live with, Know what I mean??
Shari
IsItFridayYet?
Gotta love the ol' phrase....do to get. Its wonderful.
I was also thinking about social skills that are taught to kiddos on the spectrum. We went to hear Temple Grandin speak one night, and she talked a bit about the skills needed to exist, and how she still doesn't truly "get" them, but she knows how to fake it. Sometimes. It'd be the same sort of thing, just a different skill.
In fact, empathy IS one of the skills that they sometimes try to teach kiddos. You might see if you can find any Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) providors and just ask how they go about it. You're "hurt jar" is a bit like a social story...
Also, DF, Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD) testing here was done for Wee by the state school for the deaf. You might look into that in your area.
I was also thinking about social skills that are taught to kiddos on the spectrum. We went to hear Temple Grandin speak one night, and she talked a bit about the skills needed to exist, and how she still doesn't truly "get" them, but she knows how to fake it. Sometimes. It'd be the same sort of thing, just a different skill.
In fact, empathy IS one of the skills that they sometimes try to teach kiddos. You might see if you can find any Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) providors and just ask how they go about it. You're "hurt jar" is a bit like a social story...
Also, DF, Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD) testing here was done for Wee by the state school for the deaf. You might look into that in your area.
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
This sounds a whole lot like DBT light. You might want to consider putting some DBT skills on index cards and laminate them. Then put them on a big ring. Identify emotions and how to handle those emotions.
XXX made me angry today by doing Y. I responded by doing Z. I could have handled it better by using coping skill M.
You place the emotions on the front and place possible coping skills on the back. Hopefully she will eventually learn to either come look at the cards to find a coping skill or remember them on her own.
XXX made me angry today by doing Y. I responded by doing Z. I could have handled it better by using coping skill M.
You place the emotions on the front and place possible coping skills on the back. Hopefully she will eventually learn to either come look at the cards to find a coping skill or remember them on her own.
UPDATE:
So when difficult child came home from her friend's house....we sat down and had a "family meeting" and presented this new system we are going to try.
difficult child is irritated and objected to the plan,
on the basis that she doesn't like to apologize and ESPECIALLY does not like to apologize more than once.
So she has pronounced this plan stupid and pointless.
Undaunted, we gave her a choice:
we can all try this new game
-OR-
we can use Ms Ally's suggestion of a long list of punishments for every infraction.
difficult child is upset....but chose the "game" over the punishments.
--sigh--
You know something is gonna make difficult child mad...you're just never sure exactly what it will be. I had assumed we'd at least be able to get through the presentation without setting her off...
:-(
So when difficult child came home from her friend's house....we sat down and had a "family meeting" and presented this new system we are going to try.
difficult child is irritated and objected to the plan,
on the basis that she doesn't like to apologize and ESPECIALLY does not like to apologize more than once.
So she has pronounced this plan stupid and pointless.
Undaunted, we gave her a choice:
we can all try this new game
-OR-
we can use Ms Ally's suggestion of a long list of punishments for every infraction.
difficult child is upset....but chose the "game" over the punishments.
--sigh--
You know something is gonna make difficult child mad...you're just never sure exactly what it will be. I had assumed we'd at least be able to get through the presentation without setting her off...
:-(
keista
New Member
BUT you got her to agree! 
And just to clarify, I LOLed on you OP not because I thought Ms Ally's idea of finding the "root cause of the anger" was ridiculous, but because I got the feeling you've been trying to find that cause her whole life. If you had, I'm sure they would have been addressed by now.
And just to clarify, I LOLed on you OP not because I thought Ms Ally's idea of finding the "root cause of the anger" was ridiculous, but because I got the feeling you've been trying to find that cause her whole life. If you had, I'm sure they would have been addressed by now.
Ain't THAT the truth???
I've always had the feeling that difficult child gets angry first - and then looks for an excuse to vent that anger.
But as to the cause of the anger? I haven't the foggiest!
keista
New Member
The way I see it, that IS the illness - those angry feelings.
I'm always asked "What does an 8y/o have to be depressed about?" Ah, nothing - it's an illness. It's easier for both of us when something, even minor, upsets her. Then she has a reason to be depressed and can hang all those bad emotions on that minor thing. But, more often than not there really is no reason for the depressed state.
Marguerite
Active Member
The thing is - if you diarise it, make notes, observe and report, then you have the best chance of getting tis message across. difficult child is just an angry person who gets angry first then tries to find a reason to hang it off.
Sometimes it takes this level of observation and report, to get officialdom to be able to recognise that this problem is not the usual one.
Marg
Sometimes it takes this level of observation and report, to get officialdom to be able to recognise that this problem is not the usual one.
Marg
