klmno
Active Member
I've been posting here and there asking questions about how to meet people, friends who come and go, etc. I had wondered why on earth some women my age who supposedly are just trying to meet friends like me would pull a disappearing act after emailing and acting so good natured and congenial, then reappear acting like they've been a good friend all along. I had that question somewhat answered last night.
I was sitting here watching TV after difficult child called and I get a call from one lady I met a couple of weeks ago. This is another one who seems to live her life like a yo-yo. She tells me she's been out and doesn't feel like going home and could use someone to talk to and asks if I'd meet her for a drink. I said ok because I don't have much of a chance to socialize in person with people right now but as I was about to leave the house, she calls again crying. She tells me "never mind, she's not good company for anyone, she's a loser" etc. Not knowing her well enough to determine if she's having some sort of break down or if she's just whacky or drank too much, I told her "no, it's ok, I'll be right there, we can talk when I get there".
So, I get there, she seems a little depressed but otherwise ok. I mentioned something about people needing friends to talk to sometimes and she tells me that everyone wants to go out and meet new people to have fun with, too, but I'm a person people are going to call when they need someone because I'm such a sympathetic soul.
Now I don't mind a friend calling me when she needs someone to talk to- that's what friends are there for. I don't expect or want my friends to only have me as a friend or not go out and do other things without me around. But it seems so juvenile to me for women in their late 40's to mid 50's to be there sometimes, then not sometimes, then just think of me when they need a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.
Is there an adult way for me to handle this in the future so I don't end up feeling used? I'm remembering when I was Duckie's age (after reading TM's thread) and I could quit talking to this "friend" altogether, just let this continue, or say something about it, which would probably come across as a jealous friend, and none of those seem like good answers to me. If it was only this one friend I don't think it would bother me but I'm noticing that several people I've met lately are being this way with me so there must be some truth in that my personality is such that the only times people are thinking about asking to get together with me are when they feel down and need someone to sympathize with them. (I figure I must have improved that skill by being a member of this board.)
I was sitting here watching TV after difficult child called and I get a call from one lady I met a couple of weeks ago. This is another one who seems to live her life like a yo-yo. She tells me she's been out and doesn't feel like going home and could use someone to talk to and asks if I'd meet her for a drink. I said ok because I don't have much of a chance to socialize in person with people right now but as I was about to leave the house, she calls again crying. She tells me "never mind, she's not good company for anyone, she's a loser" etc. Not knowing her well enough to determine if she's having some sort of break down or if she's just whacky or drank too much, I told her "no, it's ok, I'll be right there, we can talk when I get there".
So, I get there, she seems a little depressed but otherwise ok. I mentioned something about people needing friends to talk to sometimes and she tells me that everyone wants to go out and meet new people to have fun with, too, but I'm a person people are going to call when they need someone because I'm such a sympathetic soul.
Now I don't mind a friend calling me when she needs someone to talk to- that's what friends are there for. I don't expect or want my friends to only have me as a friend or not go out and do other things without me around. But it seems so juvenile to me for women in their late 40's to mid 50's to be there sometimes, then not sometimes, then just think of me when they need a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.
Is there an adult way for me to handle this in the future so I don't end up feeling used? I'm remembering when I was Duckie's age (after reading TM's thread) and I could quit talking to this "friend" altogether, just let this continue, or say something about it, which would probably come across as a jealous friend, and none of those seem like good answers to me. If it was only this one friend I don't think it would bother me but I'm noticing that several people I've met lately are being this way with me so there must be some truth in that my personality is such that the only times people are thinking about asking to get together with me are when they feel down and need someone to sympathize with them. (I figure I must have improved that skill by being a member of this board.)