My shrink told me years ago after Steven died and after Dude went "off the reservation' and we gave him a train ticket to Florida. (no reference whatsover to Geronimo there either) that I was CREATING junk and problems in my life to 'fill the void'. Every time I say that 'fill the void' I can hear that little Hobbit talking to the one with the ring saying "share the load' in slow motion.....because I swear to you when he said it to me? It was just. like. that. When I realized that I actually had found it not so much more comfortable, but more familiar to live with 100's of plates spinning in the air like a Chinese acrobat? I stopped spinning .....little by little I took a look at just exactly WHAT stressors I could do without. WHAT could I delegate and eliminate, and what could I do with my own language that would say the words NO to people and not leave ME with enormous guilt (hence another plate on a stick and sleepless nights)
Trust this? Once I had that stroke? The perspective I gained from the what if's were enormous. Kinda like tonight.....it reminds me again.....life goes on. I'm driving home....a cop passes me, then a fire truck. No problem......I pulled over...then continued to Hardees. I was going to treat DF and me to dinner. I'd thought about it, moved some finances around, got a coupon...and it was going to be a nice treat. Problem was as I approached Hardees, that's where the fire truck was. My first thought wasn't "POOR person." My first thought was "AW CRUD.....now where do I get dinner?" Very ME orientated considering someone was so ill they needed an ambulance. I started to pull off, and I saw other people pulling in to the drive through. I pulled around to the back parking lot to not bother the fire truck, and low and behold -------just like life.....Business was going on, burgers were still getting made, and nothing had stopped. I waited out of respect for the fire truck to leave.....but there was a line in the drive through of people that just kept on going and I thought.....No matter what was going on (waves hands wildly) there......Life continued (points to lap) here. Just like with difficult children. They cause the disaster than causes us to need the fire truck and by the time the help gets to us? They're already going through the drive through. Life goes on. We should too.
With regard to the breathing? Check out Miracle Ball....it's a book, and 2 balls......that are the most PHENOMINAL thing. The therapist in there teaches you how to learn to exhale and inhale and I swear everyone here should have a set of them and read that book.......its the ABSOLUTE best DEstressor I've ever tried. Exhaling is key to sleep, well being.....fit mind. And you found out yourself - it just feels good especially when we remember to do it and all the way correctly - but most of us do not know how and have to be trained......and the difference in your body is AMAZING.....it works on arthritis, bursitis.....achey back.....lower back pain.....neck pain....tennis elbow.....these little rubber balls are awesome. 15 mins 2x a day and Even my complexion is nicer.
Hugs