Linda,
I don't think you 'go' anywhere with those detached moments. You learn in thearpy and with time to cope, readjust your value system, learn how to draw YOUR line in the sand, learn how to tell the world I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS BECAUSE IT AFFECTS ME so I will not bend to your will any longer, and you won't be bitter, afflicted, angry, rage, ridiculous, spiteful, mean, vindictive, pouting, hateful, depressed, emotional...you'll just be.
This is NOT to say that you won't have days where life won't get to you. Or that memories won't creep up on you, or you can't shake off a bad day, or you won't ever have a sad day. But I'm living proof that if you work hard with a good therapist that you trust you can overcome a lot of issues. Being totally serious here for a moment. I had issues about adoption, abandonment, abuse, torture, mental, emotional, physical and things that it took me five years or better of meeting with a therapist I actually LIKED twice a week after having ten years of meeting with other therapists I kinda liked...before I could talk about some of the issues I had. Once he and I started working seriously on things from adulthood backwards and forwards again? I felt so free. I'd leave the therapists office in the last few years like I was so able. Able to do things I thought I could do before - but felt I had been held back from for what reasons I had no idea - self esteem or lack of it mostly.
Therapy for everyone is different. Some here will like it, some won't. Some are comfortable with it because they find a doctor they like. Some just never will be and never do find that one person they click with to empty the load on - or maybe you find someone to empty the load on but they seem uninterested. I had plenty of those - Clock watchers - phone texters. Ugh - I said crazy things, then said "you know?" to get their reaction. One woman I said "And the monkey went up the flagpole...you know?" and she said "Yes, I know." and I got up and left. I told her what I had said. She apologized, it was too late. Her life, was before mine in that 45 minutes and in that time slot I needed just one person in a week to think about no one else but me, and help ME come up with solutions for my life. I was living on the edge and going home to a killer...I didn't need a woman who was checking her phone...I needed someone that gave a damn about how I was going to make it in the next week and to tell me what to do, I needed someone in the early years to tell ME how to survive the madness.
THEN ......I was all alone.
Now? I have all of you. And I have said before I paid quite a price to be this educated. So. Have. YOU. So when you are detached from it? Share. Educate someone else. Help. You're wise, you have gifts, you have knowledge. Don't keep it to yourself. You have one of the kindest most loving hearts I've ever met and I've learned and still learn so much from you. That's a wonderful thing to share with others.....new people come here every day - hurt, angry, and starting out. Think of where THEY are, and how far YOU have come. Amazing isn't it? What good is pain, and surviving any of it, overcoming the majority of it, and leaning on friends through some of it, and learning to depend on yourself in a lot of it if you can't tell anyone else that they will be okay. Not perfect? But Okay!
I figure all the stuff I've been through - has a purpose. All the stuff that you are going through? Has a purpose. So when you detach from the kids - it doesn't have to be hurtful.....it needs to be ----peaceful. To get there? You need to find what will allow you that path. To get to that path? Takes time and patience and work.
None of us are perfect.....None of us walk on water, unless it's frozen.
Find out who YOU are, the rest will come in time.
Many hugs for you and here's hoping you accomplish the next leg of your journey - peace. I wish it for you in enormous abundance.
Hugs & Love
Star
(and you thought I couldn't be serious)
oops there I go again.