Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Thank you so very much for this reply. I am exhausted but I wanted you to I know how much this meant and you are spot on Copa.
A Visitor Came a knocking “
- Thread starter Littleboylost
- Start date
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Truth to that SWOT.
ColleenB
Active Member
Reading about his hostility when you tried to wake him up for school brought back a flood of memories for me.... that was our life for four years.... four very long years. I remember the feelings of frustration and despair at his ability to do something so simple as get up and go to school! He would get nasty and there were times I just wanted to actually drive over him “by accident” he made my life so miserable! I let him I guess but it’s hard to detach and over time I did learn to let him lay in his own 
to be blunt.....My son was 19 when all this started and we are now seeing a reprieve from that time at 23. I am in awe of those amazing parents who survive so long with addict children. My heart breaks for you but I also am amazed at your strength.
I guess I’m saying that your son is young and not to beat yourself up or feel hopeless about his future. He is far from a lost cause. You all have a plan, and despite the hiccups it’s still in place.
My son is doing well.... today..... but I think I still feel he could slip up, and I would be back in that place again. I think this time if it happens I have learnt so much both from the journey and from you all I can survive despite all the chaos.
I am sending some East Coast vibes your way.... as you know us Maritimers are pretty chill in general and embrace the tough parts of life (and all those nor easters) haha!
Hugs friend.....
to be blunt.....My son was 19 when all this started and we are now seeing a reprieve from that time at 23. I am in awe of those amazing parents who survive so long with addict children. My heart breaks for you but I also am amazed at your strength. I guess I’m saying that your son is young and not to beat yourself up or feel hopeless about his future. He is far from a lost cause. You all have a plan, and despite the hiccups it’s still in place.
My son is doing well.... today..... but I think I still feel he could slip up, and I would be back in that place again. I think this time if it happens I have learnt so much both from the journey and from you all I can survive despite all the chaos.
I am sending some East Coast vibes your way.... as you know us Maritimers are pretty chill in general and embrace the tough parts of life (and all those nor easters) haha!
Hugs friend.....
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Thank you my brave friend. I haven’t seen my son since Friday. He texts I know where he is and I am enjoying the peace and calm. Before the storm that is brewing. I do hope he knocks some sense into himself and makes his follow up call to the rehab intake coordinator on Monday. If he misses this time he will lose his place on the wait and be heading to prison.Reading about his hostility when you tried to wake him up for school brought back a flood of memories for me.... that was our life for four years.... four very long years. I remember the feelings of frustration and despair at his ability to do something so simple as get up and go to school! He would get nasty and there were times I just wanted to actually drive over him “by accident” he made my life so miserable! I let him I guess but it’s hard to detach and over time I did learn to let him lay in his own
I guess I’m saying that your son is young and not to beat yourself up or feel hopeless about his future. He is far from a lost cause. You all have a plan, and despite the hiccups it’s still in place.
My son is doing well.... today..... but I think I still feel he could slip up, and I would be back in that place again. I think this time if it happens I have learnt so much both from the journey and from you all I can survive despite all the chaos.
I am sending some East Coast vibes your way.... as you know us Maritimers are pretty chill in general and embrace the tough parts of life (and all those nor easters) haha!
Hugs friend.....
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Lbl. Hi.
This might sound brutal. He knows the terms. If he goes to prison so be it. That would be overcome-able. Really.
For you I hate to say it, it would be a gift of sorts. He would be contained. It would be real life. He would have to choose or not whether to do what was needed to sink or to swim in this life. It would no longer be on you--not even a tiny bit.
If we look at it one way there is no really bad outcome in the immediate future. Either prison or rehab. Prison is a sort of rehab. There is frequently drug treatment. He can finish school and go to college. He might learn a trade. There is church. There is lots of learning. It is not what we would have wished but I have posted this a number of times--i have wished for prison for my son. More than a few times. So he would learn.
I am not minimizing this. But it is almost out of your hands.
I am pissd at him for putting you and your husband in this spot.
I hope he makes the right choice.
This might sound brutal. He knows the terms. If he goes to prison so be it. That would be overcome-able. Really.
For you I hate to say it, it would be a gift of sorts. He would be contained. It would be real life. He would have to choose or not whether to do what was needed to sink or to swim in this life. It would no longer be on you--not even a tiny bit.
If we look at it one way there is no really bad outcome in the immediate future. Either prison or rehab. Prison is a sort of rehab. There is frequently drug treatment. He can finish school and go to college. He might learn a trade. There is church. There is lots of learning. It is not what we would have wished but I have posted this a number of times--i have wished for prison for my son. More than a few times. So he would learn.
I am not minimizing this. But it is almost out of your hands.
I am pissd at him for putting you and your husband in this spot.
I hope he makes the right choice.
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Oh I hear you thanks for the words of realistic encouragement.
We can only hope with no expectations. I was tempted to hound after him to get home and get a good rest before his exam tomorrow. I refrained and had a quiet evening with husband. Now off to sleep for an early start tomorrow.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Lbl. First thing after coffee I thought about e and you. (I cannot begin to intuit how your stoic husband is dealing with this--except stoically which has its costs.)
I hope you are focused upon work, pacing yourself and deep breathing (which I am learning belatedly brings me to my real home.)
By the end of today there will be a reality son has created and will have to face. There is no way that is not a good thing.
Why? Because these years like for my son are not in the main about establishing careers etc but about establishing a relationship to themselves and life. Without mom as a filter, bulwark, mediator, shock absorber, enforcer, ace in the hole, cruise director, manager...etc. I raise my hand to each of these.
My own son is keeping a wide berth from me. I think he is making a conscious decision that he can better draw on his strengths and better distinguish a course with me sidelined. I think he is saying later to my intensity, drama, hanging on him...(exaggerated but not entirely.) It is after all his life. Not mine.
I miss him. But I understand.
So looking at e one way this is exciting. He is beginning his true life as a man. With parents like you guys I feel certain he will right himself and live as a good man. but like my son he will insist upon choosing himself.
I hope you are focused upon work, pacing yourself and deep breathing (which I am learning belatedly brings me to my real home.)
By the end of today there will be a reality son has created and will have to face. There is no way that is not a good thing.
Why? Because these years like for my son are not in the main about establishing careers etc but about establishing a relationship to themselves and life. Without mom as a filter, bulwark, mediator, shock absorber, enforcer, ace in the hole, cruise director, manager...etc. I raise my hand to each of these.
My own son is keeping a wide berth from me. I think he is making a conscious decision that he can better draw on his strengths and better distinguish a course with me sidelined. I think he is saying later to my intensity, drama, hanging on him...(exaggerated but not entirely.) It is after all his life. Not mine.
I miss him. But I understand.
So looking at e one way this is exciting. He is beginning his true life as a man. With parents like you guys I feel certain he will right himself and live as a good man. but like my son he will insist upon choosing himself.
New Leaf
Well-Known Member
LBL, I have been following along. I am sorry for the stress you are under, it is a difficult place to be to watch a train wreck slowly unfold before your eyes and not be able to stop it.
The big difference in my situation with my two, is that at your sons age, they were “flying under the radar.” Able to dabble in the partying lifestyle without repercussion from authorities. With exception, when CPS got involved and we had our grands, then, Tornado and Volcano were forced to go to counseling and rehab.
There is a lot to what Copa is saying. We can’t want for our d cs more than they want for themselves. I am not saying that we give up on our hopes and dreams for them, it’s a realization that they will choose the process. We look on horrified, projecting and writing the end of their stories, but we really must all travel our own paths.
It seems your son is not thinking much into his future, to state the obvious, which is typical for a lot of kids his age, unfortunately. He won’t feel it, until consequences smack him upside his head, pardon the expression. All of your anxiety, fretting and worry, will not stop him from choosing as he does.
My point is, that he is faced with these choices, tow the line, go to rehab, continue as is and go to jail. Whatever the case may be, it is a huge life shaking wake up call, at an early age where the enormity of it may just force him to decide to pivot.
I truly hope so.
The undeniable fact is that no matter what we say, or how we feel, our d cs will do what they want. My two and your son have demonstrated this.
You have worked so hard to offer him the chance to grab at the golden ring, and do better. No one can say that you didn’t wholeheartedly give your all to help him choose better for himself.
It is hard, but try to be especially kind to yourself, deflect the natural inclination to despair over his choices and consequences, try to shift your focus to taking care of......you.
You matter, your health and well being matters.
My heart goes out to you during this time of waiting. It must be incredibly stressful. Lean upon what you have in your toolbox, and the strides you have made towards finding peace for you and your husband. You are strong and wise, and will find your way through this, I just know it.
(((Hugs)))
Leafy
The big difference in my situation with my two, is that at your sons age, they were “flying under the radar.” Able to dabble in the partying lifestyle without repercussion from authorities. With exception, when CPS got involved and we had our grands, then, Tornado and Volcano were forced to go to counseling and rehab.
There is a lot to what Copa is saying. We can’t want for our d cs more than they want for themselves. I am not saying that we give up on our hopes and dreams for them, it’s a realization that they will choose the process. We look on horrified, projecting and writing the end of their stories, but we really must all travel our own paths.
It seems your son is not thinking much into his future, to state the obvious, which is typical for a lot of kids his age, unfortunately. He won’t feel it, until consequences smack him upside his head, pardon the expression. All of your anxiety, fretting and worry, will not stop him from choosing as he does.
My point is, that he is faced with these choices, tow the line, go to rehab, continue as is and go to jail. Whatever the case may be, it is a huge life shaking wake up call, at an early age where the enormity of it may just force him to decide to pivot.
I truly hope so.
The undeniable fact is that no matter what we say, or how we feel, our d cs will do what they want. My two and your son have demonstrated this.
You have worked so hard to offer him the chance to grab at the golden ring, and do better. No one can say that you didn’t wholeheartedly give your all to help him choose better for himself.
It is hard, but try to be especially kind to yourself, deflect the natural inclination to despair over his choices and consequences, try to shift your focus to taking care of......you.
You matter, your health and well being matters.
My heart goes out to you during this time of waiting. It must be incredibly stressful. Lean upon what you have in your toolbox, and the strides you have made towards finding peace for you and your husband. You are strong and wise, and will find your way through this, I just know it.
(((Hugs)))
Leafy
Thinking about you LBL. Holding you in my heart.....
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Please jot anything down...to let us know you are okay.
Hugs.
Hugs.
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Hi just checking in life is a shot show. I am stressed with new job huge learning curve. I don’t know if I am going to make it.
E is a mess and that’s is all I can say. He declared he wasn’t a “Retard” when I reminded him to call rehab the other day. Yesterday he said she had to reschedule and today he has broken up with his girlfriend and forgot to call rehab because he was fighting with his girlfriend all day.....I am speechless and tired and numb. Sorry I couldn’t log in earlier just exhausted and in crisis.
I reached out to see where rehab opportunity is at. If it is lost I have no choice but to revoke his bail. That was the deal and so it shall be.
I have read all your comments and will come back to them when I have more time.
Thank you all so much you give me strength.
E is a mess and that’s is all I can say. He declared he wasn’t a “Retard” when I reminded him to call rehab the other day. Yesterday he said she had to reschedule and today he has broken up with his girlfriend and forgot to call rehab because he was fighting with his girlfriend all day.....I am speechless and tired and numb. Sorry I couldn’t log in earlier just exhausted and in crisis.
I reached out to see where rehab opportunity is at. If it is lost I have no choice but to revoke his bail. That was the deal and so it shall be.
I have read all your comments and will come back to them when I have more time.
Thank you all so much you give me strength.
Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Thanks so much Leafy. Sleepless in the dead chill of winter. Sigh.
New Leaf
Well-Known Member
Been there many a time sis, you will find your way through.
In the meantime, there is always the beach..........
♥♥ Relaxing 3 Hour Video of a Waterfall on an Ocean Beach at Sunset
Hope this warms you up a bit.
Sending much aloha your way
In the meantime, there is always the beach..........
♥♥ Relaxing 3 Hour Video of a Waterfall on an Ocean Beach at Sunset
Hope this warms you up a bit.
Sending much aloha your way
BloodiedButUnbowed
Well-Known Member
You will get through this. Once the immediate crisis is over you can catch your breath. He will either go to rehab or jail - either way it will be settled.
New jobs are very stressful. I am sure you will find your footing there. Give yourself a break.
Deep breaths and hugs!
New jobs are very stressful. I am sure you will find your footing there. Give yourself a break.
Deep breaths and hugs!
