Oh Terry in my mind there is no question that nature trumps nurture all the time. The older difficult child gets and the further away I get from actual hands on parenting, I realize that genes played a huge roll in our difficult child's development and our values and parenting did very little to change the predetermined
course her life would take. There are times when my husband and I wonder if we had any impact at all on her and whether she would have turned out the same if she had been parented by her birthmother. It's rather discouraging and we were very naive to think we could make that much of a difference.
In retrospect I also recognize the gene influence on my easy child who is not adopted. She is so much like us, same values, same temperment, same mannerisms, same strengths and weaknesses. It's like looking into a mirror when I look at her.
I love my difficult child just as much as my easy child. However, she has also brought us so much heartache and sadness that it hurts to the core because we know in our hearts that her life will always be difficult and we thought we were going to make a bigger impact on her than we obviosuly did. She is so similar to her birthmother and is doing the same things she did to the point of smoking, drugs, drinking, tatoos, all of which we do not. Environment just did not play a big part in her life.
by the way, there is also a greater population of adopted individuals in the prison and foster care systems. It's not a coincidence.
Nancy