any thoughts on this ...my 14 yr. old dating 19 yr. old

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by loracdear, Apr 23, 2013.

  1. loracdear

    loracdear New Member

    I am so frustrated with my 14 yr. old daughter. It seems like one thing after another. Grades in school dropping, no respect for parents, dating a 19 yr. old . I could go on. Tried taking phone, grounding her etc. She's getting worse. Its affecting my younger daughter, my work my marrige. Help.
     
  2. loracdear

    loracdear New Member

    Help,!! new to this forum. many issues effecting me and my family because of daughter behavior!
     
  3. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    By dating - do you mean she changed her fb status and talks and texts to him? Does she actually get to see him in person? I would try to keep close tabs on her and not let her be any where he could be alone with her.

    Does he not kmow she is "jail bait"?? Hopefully he gets bored and moves on to someone more accessible... KSM
     
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Start at the beginning and tell us more...
    We're all just parents here - but its the details in the stories that "someone" here will click with... my experience doesn't cover your path, but others have been down that road or one similar.

    What was she like as a baby? toddler? pre-schooler?
    When did the problems start? (has she always been difficult? or did it start at 12/13/14... a whole different situation)
    What kinds of behaviors?
    Any patterns?
     
  5. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    please define "dating"

    ... 14yo girl !!! I would have the shovel in the trunk and be looking at a map for where to plant him

    wow praying for you, having daughters is scary I can so relate
     
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This is easy.

    He's a legal adult dating a child. The police will take care of that if you give them a call. If he so much as kisses her, at least in our state, that is the same as the boy being a pedophile. Now this law is not usually used around here because it is mostly 18 year olds dating 17 or 16 year olds with parental permission, but if some nineteen year old was dating my fourteen year old and he wouldn't get lost, I'd definitely call the cops. Do you know if they are having sex? This guy could end up having to sign up for a sexual predatory registry for the rest of his life, depending on your state. Take care of that first...he is way out of her league. Most parents don't know that this is a major MAJOR crime in most states. I had no idea it was that big a deal in Wisconsin until I looked it up.

    If he is sending her naked texts, that counts as pedophilia.
     
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm with-the others. Guess that answers your question. :) Does he drive? Pick her up? They wouldn't be going anywhere with-o me in the car. But I'd be stopping it before they got to the car. Do not be afraid of him; stand your ground and say no. He's GOT to understand the consequences.
     
  8. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    Check your windows and doors after you go to sleep she could be sneaking out. And she met the 19 year old somewhere. Find out where. You have two years to try to get this behavior under control at 16 they are hard to stop. I was very much like this as a teen. Hide your car keys and if she's spending the night out keep her home with or without her friends. Have the sex talk again find a way not to be condemning and tell her that a baby at 14 could be life shattering and many std's are for life or contribute to cervical cancer by your late 20's. no one wants their kids having sex at that age but if you aren't real about it and admit its a possibility you will have more problems then you can handle. The choices she's making right now will effect the rest of her life as far as college or joining the military. If she has plans for adulthood play on them.
     
  9. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I would not be allowing a 14 year old daughter to be dating a 19 year old boy. Do you know how she met him? I would be talking to the police quickly. Maybe if he finds that dating her is going to cause him all kinds of trouble he will move on to someone of a more appropriate age. Good luck!
     
  10. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Parenting a defiant, difficult teen is very, very exhausting. I understand. in my opinion, 14 year old's shouldn't be dating at all. The next 4 yrs. are going to be especially challenging, and lining up support for yourself, as well as for your daughter is critical. You say she is getting worse: meet with guidance counselor at school, ask guidance counselor if the school can recommend an adolescent psychiatrist or therapist. Set up therapy appointment for yourself and her, and read as much as you can in the meantime. Well prepared is well armed.
     
  11. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    About this boyfriend. I would contact him and his parents both, and if need be, also the police. I would make it clear this is a CHILD and he is an ADULT and that you WILL prosecute him and there is NO consent from a 14 year old with a 19 year old. Make it clear there is to be NO calls, texts, emails, messaging, in person contact, third party messages. That he is to cut ALL contact or reap what he sows. This is no joke even if the moron man thinks it is is. You have legal backing to protect your child in this situation and she clearly hasnt' any sense, and is naive as get out. NO 19 year old dates a 14 year old on a 14 year old level. PERIOD.
     
  12. loracdear

    loracdear New Member

    Hi, thanks for responding! I thought no one would respond thank you so much you have good advice. Stilll struggling

    I thought she was doing better, now I find out shes sneaking around lieing again
     
  13. loracdear

    loracdear New Member

    Thank you, sorry to not post in a while. Still argueing w daughter. She sneaks around t see this guy. I went to the parents, they ended up argueing with me. I feel like the whole world is against me.
     
  14. loracdear

    loracdear New Member

    My daughter was diagnosed w celiac disease when 13 months old. Now 14 and having soMany issues...i am brginning to wonder how and if they are related. I feel so run down!!
     
  15. missyk33

    missyk33 New Member

    Hon, My daughter was the same way. I found my daughter then age 13 with an 18 year old boy. He was hiding in the closet butt naked. Lord knows he regrets that now as he has to register all the time. She also wound up getting pregnant at 15 and having her first son 1 month before her 16th. Sweet 16 huh. Now she has 2 children and she turned 19 in Feb. Her having children is the hardest thing for her but I will have to say, her oldest saved her life as if she hadn't gotten pregnant she would either be in jail or dead and my entire family believes that.
     
  16. loracdear

    loracdear New Member

    Wow, Sounds like you have your hands full.I hope my daughter can get a grip before its to late.They wear you down.Hope we can chat more.:)
     
  17. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Ditto mattsmom...
    If his parents aren't concerned? Take it to police.
     
  18. This really stood out to me. Have you looked into therapy for yourself? As the mom of multiple teens I'm in the process of finding myself a therapist so I can survive them all without losing (too much of) my mind. Parenting is hard.

    Like others, I would involve the police. Especially, if you warned the guy to back off.

    There is no way I'd trust ANY flattered, "in love", 14 year old to keep her word and stop a forbidden relationship. Not even a typical teen. Teens are flying high on hormones. Romeo and Juliet is on just about every ENG I reading list in the country!
     
  19. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure, but I think this is an old, old thread.
     
  20. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Not that old... (a month or so), and it was re-started by an update post from the original poster.
     
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