Sorry for the long post, I'm at my wits end for real this time. I've been through a lot trying to parent a difficult child, we all have. There are highs and lows. Today I am certain was and will remain the single most frustrating day ever. I cannot put into words the extreme sense of rage that is consuming me right now. Some background: difficult child had an outburst several months ago in which he got physical with me. I was trying to redirect him outside and away from infant easy child so he could calm down. It ended with him having a bloody nose, me calling the police and a trip to the hospital for him. He was not checked in for psychiatric evaluation. (2nd time we tried) DCFS was involved, a case was filed against me but came back unfounded. Even so we were offered services. (difficult child had outburst with difficult child, got physical a couple weeks ago. difficult child has a growing tendency to get physical) I thought the services were a miracle. I thought that suddenly a world of help was coming to my aide. Just at our darkest hour I felt saved. It wasn't like I expected things to be perfect. I just saw a tiny pin prick of light from the bottom of my abyss. I saw a smidgen of hope. The case worker seemed gung ho and acted like she was an advocate who could help relieve some of the immense pressure of securing adequate resources. Later I slowly discovered a bit at a time many things about our case worker and the counselors we were supposed to get help from. Case worker: Divorced (comes into play later) has a grown son who used to steal her narcotic pain pills for her back when he was a teen. He is now a drug addict and the worker still has back issues and is still on narcotics. I know some people have legitimate pain and medication issues but I also can smell a functional addict when I meet one. Counselor for me because I apparently am the problem: Spent 6 sessions taking my colorful history, spent 3 sessions b.s.'ing with me (she was very cool by the way) and then had to quit because …get this…she didn't have reliable transportation so got a job elsewhere?!?!?! Counselor to help with teen issues in home: Wore flip flops to my house, put her feet up on my couch, flirted at my sweet oblivious husband, took cell phone calls and oh so much more. Has a troubled teen herself that she can't control, is an 'expert' because she works at a group home with troubled teens, one of which went after her with a sharp object and cut her. Counselor missed a session with me because her daughter got into trouble. Counselor was openly hostile about ex (yes we discussed HER problems not mine) and daughter is a pawn. Oh yeah, these were the experts who came to my aide. I called caseworker to discuss infant easy child's sleep issues and anxiety. Mentioned that husband and I decided that difficult child cannot stay here any longer if he has even a single more violent outburst witnessed by infant easy child. Here is what she told me: *Difficult teens are normal. If every parent of a difficult teen turned them over to the authorities where would they go? *Infants are resilient and she should be just fine growing up around a violent and abusive family member. Things fall off of counters and scare babies all the time. *At least my kid isn't as bad as some like hers who stole drugs so stealing food is a blessing. *My marriage is on the verge of divorce because I don't know how to handle stress, maybe husband and I need counseling. *difficult child only acts out at home so maybe I am the problem (didn't outright say it but came real close) *He doesn't have outbursts often so it shouldn't be a problem around the baby, maybe I should prevent them. *If I 'lock out' difficult child and the agency has to take him I will have a founded abuse case against me and it will prevent me from getting certain jobs or licenses. *Only way they will step in and help me protect welfare of infant easy child is if he outright hurts her. Apparently emotional abuse and trauma is okay. *The baby's emotional well being and right to a safe home free of outbursts does not over ride my obligations to difficult child. *There are no alternatives besides private pay boarding school. Residential care is for kids who are really messed up like the ones who masturbate in front of their classroom or shove things in their rectum for attention and need surgery (actually told me that, seriously). There was so much more but I cannot put into words, it was seriously that long and idiotic of a conversation. Apparently I am a drama queen and am exaggerating the seriousness of difficult child problems. Clearly if he really were a difficult child everyone else would see the signs. Since he is only abusive at home I must be the problem and be the one who needs help. My baby daughter will grow up fine because it's normal for babies to be around people who are violent, throw tantrums and objects and scream at the top of their lungs. This has all got to be true because the state paid worker who has the power to take my kids decided it. …and think of all the energy I wasted thinking that my easy child had a mood disorder and other issues. I'm out of my mind, it's all my fault and I should really get help so I can be a better parent and not make up reasons to whine about average every day teen problems. I'm lucky my normal mood disorder teen isn't stealing narcotics from me. 'easy child' stealing from me and breaking my things is just a normal part of life. Think I'm going out to celebrate that. Do you hear me people, we ARE NORMAL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!