Be prepared...Corys got a probation appointment tomorrow

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DammitJanet, Aug 5, 2008.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have a sneaky suspicion it wont go well and I wont be surprised if he doesnt come home. I am completely detached and ok with whatever happens. Its all on him. Cory hasnt been completely open and honest and above board with this house arrest deal. He knows the consequences and he has to pay them. Not my problem. He knew he had to stop smoking pot or face the consequences...which I am not completely sure that would actually be a jail offense but a tighter reign...but something else has happened which I think may cause them to bring him in.

    Cory had a court date on the 28th. The actual time he was in court kept him out slightly past his allowable time to be out of the house so he got a note from court...however, he took advantage of that and stayed out even longer even though he came home to get a sandwich and went back out. His PO came to the house after he came home and before he came home the second time. Wanted to know where he was...we told him that we didnt know but that he had a paper from the court house saying that he could be out till X that day. Hmmmm...PO wasnt happy. yesterday PO came to the house to tell Cory that something was wrong with his monitoring device or phone line. The phone was dead when you picked it up but if you called the number it rang. Ok....PO said for us to call the phone company today. I did. Phone company said the phone wasnt shut off and it appeared to be a problem in the phone lines someplace and that they would try to get it fixed by tomorrow...wednesday. Well after the PO tells Cory on Monday night that the box was messed up, Cory takes off monday night on the assumption he has a "free night." Idiot.

    Then Cory spent most of today away from the house...where I dont know. I was gone most of the day myself dealing with the water department junk. Of course, PO calls me this afternoon wanting to talk to Cory to see what we got done about the phone. I had to tell him Cory wasnt here. I told him that Cory left me a note stating he had gone to the phone company to talk to them. What Cory didnt think about is that we DONT have an office of our local phone company in our town! We have a place you can make a payment...but no actual business office. Doofus. If PO realizes that Cory is in big trouble.

    Cory will also have to pass another urine test tomorrow. He wont pass. He has supposedly slowed down...hasnt smoked in a week...has smoked much less...but not quit. He says he drank two capfuls of bleach Ok...whatever.

    I wont be surprised at all if they send him to serve his sentence tomorrow. I will be sad for him but I wont be surprised. It seems like he is just egging it on. If this comes to pass, Im tossing his girlfriend out too. Im about done with her too. She isnt trying in the least to help him stay on the straight and narrow.

    So...this should be interesting. Dont do any praying or anything. Whatever happens will happen for a reason. It has been all up to him and if he has blown it, then the consequences are landing squarely on the shoulders they belong on.
    Lasted edited by : Aug 6, 2008
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    A major case of not using his brain. ugh!

    Good for you Janet. It's not like you haven't done all you could to help him. It's got to be up to him now.

    (But don't it just make you wanna slap the snot out of 'em?!)

  3. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Sigh, Janet. Don't they ever learn? Give 'em an inch....
  4. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Who in the heck would drink bleach???? My God!! I thought I knew about nearly all attempted drug highs, but not bleach. Ack. I couldn't get by the smell. I can barely get by it mopping my floors.

    Janet, dear...this is his issue. If he chooses to go out on a limb like this, let him suffer the consequences of a weak limb. It's hard, I know. You've been there, gone beyond what 99% of parents would have done. It's time for him to step up to the plate or tow the road. From what you have written, he hasn't really taken responsibility for his choices or the penalties laid upon him.

    He's a grown man. It's put up, or shut up at this point. If he's not putting up...there's the door. Have a good life. Call me when you can scrape together 30cents for a phone call. I'm not worried about your probation, not worried about where you will sleep, not worried about your ankle bracelet.

    I'm sorry to be so blunt, but when you're on house arrest and you violate that for some silly reason...that tells me you don't really take it seriously. He'll take any small opportunity to violate not only the 'system' but family values and his well being as well. The boy has not learned his lesson.

  5. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Abbey, bleach is one of the things that supposedly will cover up certain substances and alter the results in a drug test - it doesn't work. At the prison where I work the inmates are randomly drug tested. They consumed so many cleaning products with bleach that now we only use bleach-free cleaners. Another rumor was that the Efferdent denture cleaner that they can buy in our commissary would alter the drug test results - the fizzy tablets. They were eating them till they practically fizzed their insides out! That doesn't work either.

    Janet, I'm sorry. Who ever said "give 'em an inch ..." was right. I'm glad you're OK with it anyway. What will be, will be.
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2008
  6. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Whoops - double post. The gremlins are out already this morning!
  7. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE


  8. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Oh, Janet.
  9. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Janet, Sorry this is just hope at some point they have a breakthru and see that it's easier to obey the rules than pay the consequences.....

    Desperation move=drinking bleach.......ack!
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I think this is sad. He really had a chance here, PO seemed to be soemone who would "go the extra mile" in the case of a real problem or emergency. You must feel very used.

    It IS all on him. Not on anyone else. I think, unless she is majorly contributing to the household, you may want the girlfriend to leave anyway if she is not encouraging him to "walk the straight and narrow".

    Will Keyana stay with you and Tony then? Poor mite, her daddy had such a chance to get to know her. I would think she would be enough incentive for someone to follow the rules. I know having a daughter really helped my bro straighten up.


    I know all the stress and strain are tough on your body.
  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Abbey, when I was 5 years old I went outside and ate a 'few' bleach tablets for the pool. In those days they were the exact same size as my gramma's peppermint and wintergreen Necco candies...I don't know why I ate more than one when it must have been apparent they weren't minty. LOL. My mother says that's why my voice is so deep. Haha.

    Janet, you are my hero. That you can separate yourself from this mess he made and remain on the sidelines to see how it all goes my amazing and excellent. Good for you~I will send up a prayer, however, for you, because I know it's still difficult to stand by and watch them mess up over and over.
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think I have come to that place in life where I love him but I dont like him. If he turned around...or ever turns around...well that would be nice. I dont trust him as far as I can throw him. I probably never will.

    I cannot control him at all and I have invested far too much time in trying. He is what he is and he will do what he is going to do. He actually thinks what he does is what anyone would do and cant get it through his head that it isnt. I tried to tell him when he told me that if I had been on house arrest I would have taken the opportunity to leave too...that no I wouldnt. I would follow the rules because I dont like cages. They wouldnt have even needed to put a monitor on me because I wouldnt have left the house. Oh well...Im not the one with jail hanging over me.

    Im fine with it.

    Interesting side note. He has this probation thingy today and because somehow his SSI supposedly got messed up for this month (which I am not completely sure it did) Mandy was supposed to cover his probation fees this month. He has covered rent and other stuff for both of them for months now and this month the only thing he asked her to help him with was his rent and phone bill. Well...this morning suddenly the money for his probation fee was "lost or stolen" from them. She has been on a spending spree the past couple of days buying clothes, items for her car...etc. She doesnt make that much money working part time. Now the $55 he needed is gone. He basically accused all of us of stealing it. None of us here steal. He is the thief in the family. I think she just decided she wasnt going to give him that money.

    Oh well. Not my problem. I just sighed and turned back over in my bed when he burst through my door to accuse me, my dog, and the rest of us of this misdeed. I said...Interesting. LOL.

    Like I said...Im not expecting him to come home today.
  13. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    I like your attitude. Que sera, sera.

    On the other hand, I know Cory's attitude all too well. The air of injured innocence when caught in a flagrant, undeniable violation. "What the h*ll was I supposed to do? Why am I always the one who gets caught? It's the same as anyone else would do in my shoes." Yeah, well, most people wouldn't put themselves in your shoes to begin with.

    I imagine he spent the probation fee himself, or knows perfectly well that Mandy spent it, and the accusations are just a lot of bluster for him to hide behind, right?

    Well, keep up the detachment, you're doing good.
  14. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen


    As much as you love your son, I know it's incredibly hard to watch this happen. And, it DOES need to happen. He needs to learn that there is a real life out there where sometimes you have to do things you don't really want to do. It's just the way the world works...or the alternative is what you are going through. You choose.

    So, if he chooses the alternative, here's what happens:

    1 - I will not help you in any way, shape or form.
    2 - You will not be welcome at my house.
    3 - I will not trust one word that comes out of your mouth.
    4 - I love you as you are my son, but I don't like you.
    5 - Give me 6 months of clean living on your own and I MIGHT think about being part of your life again.

    Going to jail? might be the best thing for him. He gets 3 square meals a day, a bed to sleep in, and a LOT of time to think. That time to think is called PLANNING TIME. What am I going to do so I don't have to go through this again? And this is the hard part, Janet.

    The 'plan' shouldn't involve YOU. He's a grown man. He needs to figure out where he's going to live, what job he can get, etc. There are resources for people who are released. They just have to be willing to take advantage of them. If he really showed that he is totally focused on being on the straight and narrow, I'm sure he'd have many resources that would help him. But...again, that is HIS work, not yours. You have done your work. Unfortunately, most inmates do not take advantage of the resources. They go back to the people who have enabled them for years. Don't do that.

    I know husband and I went back and forth when J was released this last time. I said NO. Nada. My God...the boy is 24 and brilliant. Let him figure it out. Yes, I knew it would be incredibly hard for him, and it still is. But you don't fix a lifetime of screwups in 2 weeks. Give me 6 months, then we'll talk. And we did. Even 6 months is barely scratching the layers. It's at best a minimal start. If you see he's really pulling the boot straps up and working his arse off, then you might want to help a small bit. Nothing wrong with that. But HE has to show HE wants it.

    Ok...I'll get off my soapbox now.

  15. Lori4ever

    Lori4ever New Member

    I'm so glad you're handling this well, but so sorry you have to be in that position at all. It really stinks that they think only of themselves when they do stuff like this. I'm so glad his baby has you, she needs that stability in her life. It makes you wonder if they'll ever learn at all, when they can't even think of their kids and what they go through.
  16. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Janet, any word yet?

    You might want to tell Cory, for future reference ... you're supposed to put a few drops of bleach in the urine sample, NOT drink the bleach :sick:, for what it's worth! Even if it does interfere with the results, you still flunk the drug test because the bleach odor can be detected and when the sample is analyzed, they can easily tell it's been tampered with.
  17. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Hugs. Not sure what else to say.
  18. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    The boy skates again. I swear he has some kind of force field around him. They didnt even drug test him. Maybe their water system was That happened to the Probation and Parole Dept up in Raleigh next to where his dad works and they had to call his dad over to shut off the water....lmao. They were all in a tizzy because they were without water and needed it for UA's.

    Anyway. Monitor is back to working again. Somehow they are going to have to come up with money for his phone bill. I guess they are going to let him double up on his payment to the probation next month...which should be interesting since they intend to have him in jail next month...oh well...again...not my problem.

    By the way, the only reason he is here is because of the baby. I am really trying to decide if I am going to take him back when he gets released from his active sentence. Its only 30 days and then he goes back on intensive probation again for 6 months. Problem with that is they almost force you to have somewhere really stable to live. Gotta think that through.
  19. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    WOW!! I don't know what kind of mojo cory has, but his ability to skate through this stuff is amazing.

    I don't have advice, just hugs for you. This all must be pretty surreal, almost like living in some wierd reality show.

    Sending some of my big hugs!
  20. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Janet, I know you've said in previous posts that you can't kick your sons to the door and I do understand that. So, that is not something I will suggest to you. We all do what is best for ourselves. While Cory lives with you, you do not help nor enable him. To me, that is important thing. You let him know right from wrong. You help him when deserves the help. Otherwise, you stand back and let the chips fall where they may. Your disengagement in all of this drama is truly remarkable.

    As I sai before, I used to be a GAL. I worked with quite a few teens who were on ankle bracelets. One was on house arrest but no bracelet (serious sensitivity issues). Most had Cory's attitude. They all ultimately ended up back in juvie. It took some longer than others, but they still put themselves back. The ones who understood this was a chance to show they cared, that they were willing to do the right thing as much as humanly possible were the kids who ended up graduating and turning their lives around. Quite honestly, not one of them succeeded in totally following the rules. However, the successful ones blew it once, got read the riot act by the PO or me or both and got the message. Personally, I think house arrest is a very special form of torture for all concerned.

    I'd like to think Cory will turn himself around but if he's back to smoking dope, it doesn't sound likely. I'm sorry -- for him, for you and the rest of his family and, most importantly, his daughter. HUGS