Beginning to feel like this will never end.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by StressedM0mma, Feb 26, 2012.

  1. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    difficult child is shutting down again. She has a project that she is way behind in in Biology, and she worked on it most of the weekend, and all she has left is the reference page. And, she is not going to have it done. She is asleep on the chair. She told me tonight that she does not want to go to school. I just hate this so very much, and do not know what to do. She says that it is because it is boring. I tried to talk to her about all of it, but she shut down. Refused to even open her eyes. I am so overwhelmed. How do you help someone who does not want to help themselves? How do you help a child to "get better" if they won't try? I want my girl back.

    Sorry for the whining. I just need to vent sometimes, and husband just won't listen anymore. I am sitting here with tears running down my face. difficult child is still so sad and anxious. She even told her psychiatrist this. Her psychiatrist just wants to wait until the 9th to see if her medications help or not. Her goal in IOP was to not be soo sad. Talk about tearing your heart out.

    I want that magic wand. Whomever has it right now, could you please send it my way. Or a stronger set of armor. Mine has been battered lately, and am now in need of a stronger set.
     
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Vent away... it's hard to see clearly when you're in the middle of a steam cloud.

    Cyber-shipping a fresh coat of armour and some rhino skin...

    And... maybe some perspective? I might be wrong, but... I'm guessing that each of these spirals is necessary. Last round, it was clear that she needed longer-term but ins. won't pay... sometimes it takes multiple spirals like this before the right pieces come together... If that's the case... it will come out right in the end, but in the mean time... <soft shoulder> {{gentle hugs}}
     
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    *hugs*
    *polishes yours new armor*
     
  4. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Thanks guys. It just seems overwhelming at times. I feel like I am swimming through jello. It is so hard to be th emean tough parent when she seems so sad. I am pushing her each day to get up and go to school. I feel like we have won a battle just by her going and staying all day. To add work on top of that seems like climbing mt. Everest right now. Everytime we seem to be doing well, we take 3 steps backwards. She worked so hard on her bio project this weekend. She had me read it. It is good! So why can't she just do the reference page and turn it in? Why would she sabotage herself with that little bit left?

    We finally got the name of the school psychologist! They hold that name so close to the vest. husband is calling him tomorrow and making an appointment. for this week. I think we may have to force homebound just to get her to pass 9th grade. This may be a dumb question, but can you homebound part time? like 2 or 3 times a week, and go to school the other days? I know it would seem confusing, but I think having her at home would not help with her anxiety. It would just allow her to hide out away from everyone.

    I had a feeling that something was up this morning when she decided to not go to the barn. UGH! I just wish my girl would open up to me. Why dies she keep it all bottled up inside? Why can't she see that I just want to be able to help her?
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This might be a really dumb question, but has she ever had a blood test for mono? I could not stay awake for a year after I had mono and sometimes you can get it and not know it. It zaps all the strength and energy out of you. I used to try to go out with my friends and fall asleep in the weirdest places...movies, restaurants, the car, etc. Have you thought about narcolepsy?

    Also, did you ever check with psychiatrist to see if the medication may be causing her fatigue? Celexa can cause fatigue as can Abilify. Any drug can, really. Prozac did to me what mono did to me. I could not stay awake on it and it is supposed to make you more energetic.

    Depression does not necessarily mean you can't stay awake.
     
  6. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    MWM, not a dumb question at all. She is neg. for mono. When she started abilify, they ran a blood panel, and then when she went into the psychiatric hospital they did more blood work. Her thyroid is normal, she is neg. for mono, red blood cells are good, and no infection. No drugs in her blood, and not pregnant. She is on Celexa, which she was on before with out being tired. I know the abilify makes her sleepy, but she takes that at night. I am starting to notice a pattern. When she becomes too stressed or overwhelmed, she goes to sleep. I think she does it to shut everything out. When she was in psychiatric hospital they noticed that she would yawn alot when she was in individual therapy. I think she has begun to use sleep to avoid the "real world" How the heck to you break that? We are trying, but it is hard to keep a person awake when they do not want to be.
     
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Depending on the person... depression MAY manifest as using sleep to "shut down". Things are just too overwhelming, they don't see any other option. (Sleep is better than SOME roads they can go down with depression...)

    Of course she won't open up. She's too far down for that. She was on the right road with the last round of psychiatric hospital until ins messed that up.
     
  8. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    I know IC. I am just trying to figure out what to do from this point on. She is being "kicked out" of her IOP program on Tuesday, because in order to stay in she must also attend ind. therapy outside of the IOP program. The program meets from 4-7:15 on Mon Tues and Thurs. She has riding on Wed. and her ind. counselor does not work at our agency on Fri. and the agency is closed on the weekends. We asked if it would be possible for difficult child to attend IOP on Mon. and Tue so that she could see her ind. therapist on Thurs. the IOP absolutely refused. Would not even consider it. So, now we will be working with a therapist for one hour a week. And, there is absolutely no way we can increase her time with therapist because we are paying for it out of pocket. I am beginning to think that Residential Treatment Center (RTC) may be our last ditch effort. But, I have no idea how that can even happen. We do not have anyway to get that kind of $$. And, our county just laughed and said they have had to send violent kids home because we have no $$ so there is no way your difficult child will get any $. Nice. We just refinanced right before all of this started, so we have no real equity in the house to draw from, and we have aloan against husband's 401 to pay all of the bills we have had so far with this. I am so tired. It just should not have to be this hard. I do not know how those of you with bigger problems can do this. I am in awe of you all. You are amazing women and moms.
     
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I have no idea how people in the States manage all of this. Here, at least, it isn't a $$ issue for major medical - and yes, your daughter would be covered. The challenge would be to get access in the first place... wait lists and whatnot, but once in, there wouldn't be the ping-pong game and all the who-pays-for-what discussions. Not that our system is perfect either - just a different set of problems - but for major stuff, we don't have money worries. I can't imagine having to fight insurance cos just to get medically-necessary treatment to be paid for.... or having to pay out-of-pocket.
     
  10. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    In bad depression times I slept 16-20 hours a day, so shutting down is an apt way to put it. Have you tried getting a sun lamp to see if it helps? On its own it may not do much when it's this deep but combined with other therapy it can make a difference, especially in winter.
     
  11. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    :hugs:

    When he is muddling through a round of depression, husband sleeps, and sleeps, and sleeps, and sleeps... And it's maddening. He gets overwhelmed, his anxiety kicks in and the next thing I know I'm waking him for everything. It's worse when he's not working, but since he is, now...
     
  12. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I think that we have all felt that way at time. I know that I have. I can remember sitting in my therpists office, crying that this was NEVER going to get any better.

    Take a deep breath. Take a step back. It WILL get better. It might take some time (maybe alot longer than we would like it to take), but it will get better. It may never be perfect, but it will gett better.
     
  13. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I think I shared with you that this is exactly my coping mechanism. I think I was a mini-version of your difficult child when I was in high school/college... it never went to the level she is at... I managed to do school but not without some major drama and meltdowns (not at my parents but internally) and of course I had a lovely eating disorder to put the blame on at times....

    If I am super stressed I can't sleep or eat...but when in the kind of place your daughter gets into...the overwhelmed, just too much to deal with/depression stuff...I get sleepy. Can sleep all day and I REALLY feel tired. Of course it is not physical sleepiness so getting the sleep does not help, it makes things worse. I find in my life as a grown up (and how I got out of it when growing up) I do best with a schedule and not giving in to that. Even if it means watching TV or something still not super productive. I do BEST if I can get outside. I would check into the AVE too because the research for using certain of the programs they have for SAD and other types of mental health challenges seems really good. Just google Audio Visual Entrainment. I found so many things I had not known...just a ton of research in Canada. As I said, the place we go through to use it has a rent to own program so you could try it and if it was a bust you can just send it back. The lights and sounds are weird and stimulating. Q is using a night/sleep program at the end of the day and during the day we switch between a mediate level program and a "brain booster" program. The later being the one we use before reading or a chore. (I use it too....I am using one of the meditate level programs to help me calm and think...it is good for anxiety and you can try it your self). Sounds like hocus pocus but it is very research based, has been around for many many years and the technology has improved so much, it is fairly simple to use.

    (Q actually played with the buttons and pushed one she warned not to use because it can increase anxiety. After a blow up happened--and I didn't know what he did yet--- later in the day when I was going to set him up, he said he had done it himself because he wanted to try the lightning bolt icon... made me realize how much it really does affect the brain waves/chemicals. I warned him never to do that again, and I collect it now when the sessions are done. I found when it is done I can still see little flashing on the sides of my vision...doesnt interfere with anything, just interesting how it affects you. I like it and haven't done it routinely enough to see if it makes a long term impact on me....I am going to try though. One study said that compared to the groups using SAD lights and medications, this was the only thing that consistently relieved symptoms for people suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder.)
     
  14. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Another thing that could be going through her mind is that she gets more and more overwhelmed with things. She is feeling stress and depression and just feelings of being overwhelmed, so she shuts down and she sleeps. Then when she wakes up she might realize that she's now even further behind than she was before, so she just shuts down again because it's easier to shut down than to try to attack what needs to be done head on. It's a cycle.
     
  15. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Bunny, that is exactly what I am thinking. And, I am at a loss as to what to do. Like I said we FINALLY found out the school psychologists name, so we are going to sit down with him and see what we can do. I really fear that this year is going to be lost, and that she will not be graduating with her friends.
     
  16. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Depends on the school and what she wants out of her diploma. I graduated high school in three years by cramming things in, taking extra classes after school, during summer, at the adult-ed school, etc., so while I didn't get the "college-geared" diploma I still got a diploma and covered all the required basics (even got in an extra year of science). It could be that if she's willing to do the work and the school will work with her she might still be able to graduate with her friends.
     
  17. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    She's in grade NINE, right?
    Don't put the cart before the horse. It doesn't help you, and it definitely doesn't help her.
    FIRST, she has to get help. Nothing else matters until you get to that point.
    Once she has her feet under her again, you and she and school can sit down and figure out how to get her caught up.
    There will be lots of options at that point, and her whole perspective will be different.
     
  18. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    You are very right IC. It is just in those moments that I feel like we will be battling the same issue forever.
     
  19. buddy

    buddy New Member

    How are things going this morning? Is she getting up?
     
  20. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I understand. It is so hard to be in the MIDDLE of it... much easier once you get through it and look back!
     
Loading...