bought a safe last night I was too late

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by saving grace, Jan 31, 2007.

  1. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    I do not trust my difficult child, I know he has used and I was tired of hiding things in my house and going to bed with my car keys, pocketbook etc... so I had been looking into safes, just a small one, I wanted a keypad lock so I wouldnt have to worry about the key so I had been procrastinating because they were expensive, I finally bought one last night, I went around this morning to gather up all my jewlery etc, and I was too late!! apparently difficult child had helped himself to my jewelry. He also took husband's wedding ring from his first marriage, his wife died of cancer at 30 years old 6 months before I met him. I went after him like my life depended on it, he told me he just did it a couple days ago, I went to the pawn shop and thankfully got it back. If my husband ever found out I would be divorced.

    I am back at square one, what to do with him.

    Everything is in the safe now.

  2. OTE

    OTE Active Member

    WOW... you got lucky that it was still in the pawn shop.
  3. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    been there done that. Last year at this same time I found out that my difficult child had stolen all my jewelry and pawned it. We pressed charges against he and his friend. It amazes me what they think they can get away with!
  4. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I went through the same thing last year. It started when I noticed my digital camera missing. The same day I got a call from a detective in our city asking me if I was aware that my son was pawning stuff daily at the pawn shops. He told me to go down and give his name and I was able to get my camera, plus some equipment from my husbands landscaping business back. We changed the locks and even though difficult child has no access to our house, we still keep things locked up. Even when he comes to visit, I have things locked up just incase I leave the room. I hide my pocketbook out of habit every time he is here. I suggest you do the same. As long as he has access to your stuff and he's still using, your stuff will keep dissapearing. My difficult child's girlfriend even stole her mothers safe, so don't think your things are safe in there. No pun intended!!

    Sorry this is happening. I know how much it hurts!!
  5. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    :wildone: I'm so sorry Grace. :9-07tears: /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/919Mad.gif
  6. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    I was lucky that I realized it was gone when I did. Apparently when you pawn something they keep it for a certain amount of time and you can get it back. If not then they can sell it. I got back 2 seperate pawns with a chain of babygirls that difficult child had given her that was his when he was little, he somehow justifies taking that because he gave it to her. I also got back my pearl and diamond earrings that I wore at my wedding. It cost me $100

    husband is bolting the safe to the floor of our closet. I just have to figure out what to do with the key. Any ideas??

    He actually had the nerve to ask me for $10 so that he could buy a suboxone from someone because he was getting dope sick!!!

    Karen... my camera went missing last Summer. My new camera, husband's palm pilot and GPS is now in the safe.

    I even emptied Babygirls piggy bank, all the quarters and dollars were gone she and I took it down to the coinstar machine and put the money in the bank. Now I will take it out of the piggy bank when she puts it in there and keep it in the safe until we deposit it.

    I cant even keep spare change on the counter or in a can for petes sake

  7. Lori4ever

    Lori4ever New Member

    I think we have all gone through this with our difficult children. What I did with the key was find a dress I had in my closet that had pockets in it and put the key in the pocket of the dress closest to the wall. That has actually worked, and I was amazed at the places they looked. For a time, I had the key zipped into a mattress in my room, they found it. Our guys are clever, it seems.
  8. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    Lori4ever gave a good suggestion about hiding the key in clothing. Just don't donate it one day with the key in the pocket. Like OTE said, you are so lucky you got your stuff back.

    I know how badly this feels, Alex was stealing from us like crazy. He stole money out of my purse even if it was with me at all times. I usually left it locked in the car overnight. I think Alex got my keys after I was sleeping and took money. Funny thing is, I never realized it at the time. All I knew is I never had money at the end of the week and all I was buying was food and groceries.

    I know we have talked about him living with you before. I know you feel more comfortable with him there. But with him living there, he has a endless supply of stuff to steal to pawn.

    I'm sorry this is happening.


    TYLERFAN New Member

    I hope the safe is bolted to the floor.......

    :smile: :smile:

    Melissa *
  10. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Our safe is bolted to the closet floor, but it's also a combination, so I don't have to worry about where to hide the key.
    It's funny because we bought this safe when my kids were little and when we first got it I remember my husband trying to teach our son the combination, like it was a toy. I told him he shouldn't be teaching him it and he stopped. Thank god!!!

    If he's stealing from you left and right, he shouldn't be in your home and your locks should be changed. That was my turning point with difficult child. I put up with many things, but as soon as I found out he was stealing from us, he was out the door. My poor daughter would spend her weekends babysitting and the next morning her money would be gone. It was when she started resenting my allowing that to happen that I realized we couldn't allow it any longer.
  11. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    He hasnt had a key to my house in years. Karen and all, I have gone the route of kicking him out. He did live away from me for a year and a half, It was a little better now having him there but I worried more about the where and whens. I am hoping that this suboxone clinic he is interviewing for will accept him and taking it will calm him down enough to find a job then finding a room to rent.

    He doesnt go out much which is good and bad, bad is that he is always there and good that I dont have to worry about where he is. I like going to bed knowing he is downstairs.

    Thanks for the idea on hiding the key. I have tried that before and he looks in my clothes. Not to be gross but I had a box of feminine product in my underwear drawer I hid money in there and he found it!!! It was his money but he still went in my private and I mean private stuff!

  12. KFld

    KFld New Member

    You may need to keep the key around your neck :smile:

    I hope he gets on the suboxone. It has been a life saver for my difficult child.
  13. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    I know that pain all too well. I have to shove it to the back of my memory banks, or I'd have a hard time functioning.

    Unfortunately my son didn't take the items he stole from us to the pawn shop; he gave them directly to the dealer. All my things are gone forever.

    Once arrested, my son even drew a diagram for the local police of where the dealer's home was, where the dealer's safe was, etc. The local police, however, did not want any part of crossing city lines to go after my stuff, and would not help us.

    I should have called the Detroit police and didn't. Back then, I was fighting for my son's life and material things took a back seat.

    It's hard to think that your own child could steal from you - especially sentimental things that meant so much to me.

    I'm glad you were able to retrieve most of your things and strongly suggest you bolt the safe to the floor or something so it can't be moved.

    Hugs. I know how much it hurts.
  14. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    Deb, he has gone that route before as well. Those things I will never see again.
    The funny part is my difficult child has a chain on his neck that is his prized possesion, he never takes it off. He gave it to the dealer once and was a mess for a week afterwards and actually came to me to tell me what he did. He needed some of his money to get it back. I had some of his money in the bank and only I had access to it. This time he used my stuff but he still had his chain on his neck!! He offered it to me yesterday to pay for the pawn, I took it and told him I used it but I put it in the safe, maybe someday he will apppreciate that I have it. IF not then I will keep it and god forbid bury him with it.

  15. KFld

    KFld New Member

    That is a good idea. At least let him think he has had to take some responsibility in getting YOUR stuff back by actually giving up something of his own. Maybe if he straightens himself out someday you can give it back to him and he will appreciate. You will know when that day comes.
  16. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Sorry you are going through this. You may want to put an extra key in a safety deposit box.
  17. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Grace, My son also stole from all of us and he also had no qualms about going into my very private and personal things. first I put an alarm on my door but he broke that. Then I put a deadbolt but it was a pain because I had to put down whatever I was carying to get in. It became ineffective when he found a way to jimmy it. I then had a keypad lock on my bedroom door and a safe. But if I forgot to lock up my purse he got into it. My cell phone was always going missing. He gave my expensive perfume to his girlfriend he used my cosmetics when he was into Goth. He seemed to just hang around waiting for us to slip up and not lock the bedroom door or leave our wallet or purse down somewhere and then bam he was into it. All this was BEFORE my difficult child started using drugs. By the time he was using we had the routime down. But he has cost us much. It sucks having to always try to be a step ahead of them, to always be on guard, to not be able to have your jewlery handy and when in a hurry and to have to go without it. I ended up not wearing any for years it became too stressful. There is always a safety deposit box at a bank for the thing that are valuble and that you do not use frequently. I hope your difficult child gets into the program and that you can get him safely out of your house soon. -RM
  18. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    grace, sadly I would not let him stay with me. ant knows if he steals he is gone. I cannot condone that.
  19. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    My son stole from us, too. Right down to the jars of change. Just like Karen said, it was when he stole from his little brother that I booted him out.

    I hear what you're saying about having him there gives some peace of mind, and I believe you'll know when you're in enough pain, and you'll do what needs to be done.

    I am sorry this is happening. It's heartbreaking, I know. :warrior:

  20. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I'm sorry you have to go through this. It isn't fair that you are living like this when he is an adult and should be on his own.

    I too bought a safe last year when my difficult child was stealing things from home. I can't tell you the relief I felt the day I brought it home and gathered up all my special things, car keys, spare house keys, jewelry, money, cell phones, liquor, and locked them up. I also got a combo lock so I didn't have to worry about hiding a key.