Boundaries Update

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by GoingNorth, May 6, 2014.

  1. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Mum called this PM. Wanted to talk about sister and how I was doing getting through to her.
    Sis called mum to complain about "everyone" wanting her to seek counselling. Apparently, mum and I were not the only ones to pass on that advice.

    Mum and I both got our heads handed to us, so that will not be brought up again unless Sis takes the lead.

    Mum's got all the same concerns I do. It was good to bounce things around and get the validation.

    It was kind of funny as while Mum gets that Sis and I are both bipolar, she doesn't get why we're so different (not counting the AS stuff) I explained the difference between BPI and BPII to mum and she got it.

    She's a smart cookie. Getting frail with age but I wish I had as much on the ball as she does.

    She agrees with me that Sis continuing to provide care to brother in law after the divorce is a BAD idea. Sis says she "has to do it". Mum and I are trying to figure out where the guilt comes from, as she sure didn't raise us that way.

    And, as badly as Mum was raised, she doesn't carry around a load of guilt, either. I've had issues with it, but sought counselling to work it through.

    Sis intends on having brother in law served with papers and walking right out the door afterwards.

    According to mum, Sis tried to end the marriage once before and brother in law stalked her. Mum is worried about that and feels Sis should swear out a TRO.

    The difference is that this time, Sis is leaving. Last time, during the affair sixteen years ago, brother in law left, and followed her to work, was constantly parked in front of the marital home to see if she was bringing guys over. All the usual BS.

    And, Sis is willingly opening herself up to this and future manipulation by playing caregiver.

    She's done some smart things :has set up her own bank accounts and the like. She also has a shark of a divorce lawyer.

    When I last spoke to Sis (Sunday night) I opened the call by informing her that I would not listen to her sexual talk. That it made me very uncomfortable and if the conversation veered in that direction, I would terminate the call. Mum did the same yesterday.

    Sis thinks we're both being unreasonable, but too effing bad! Even her friends are suggesting she seek counselling to work through some of this stuff.

    We're all getting blowback, but it seems the only way to handle it.

    Sis is a bit narcissistic now that I think of it. Her phone calls are an hour or more of ""

    I can play bobblehead and make appropriate noises for an hour once a week