OK- a few minor updates-
I poked around more on their website. They were started by a priest but evidently aren't run by Catholic Charities, although I can't be sure if they might not get some help from them. (Go to their website and read the history portion for background.) They are still directed by a priest. However, they have their own "village" with their own fire dept and police dept (both needed near difficult child LOL!), a catholic chapel, and a protestant chapel, a school, medical facilities, and homes. Ok- so difficult child can choose which chapel he wants to go to, if he ever got there. They also advertsie being an EEO with zero tolerance for discrimination.
PO called. Obviously I've gotten the greenest one ever here this time. He now says difficult child can't qualify for the 2 group homes run by Department of Juvenile Justice in this state because he isn't 17 yet. Never mind that the soonest difficult child could possibly be released is late Nov. and he'll be 17 2 mos later. He said there is a program in this area for offenders that has a group home near me and helps those recently released get re-integrated into the community and back with their families, so now he's going to refer that but it makes no difference right now, he doesn't have to have that referral in until 4 mos before difficult child's release. I looked online and I only find a program like that for adults being released from prison, nothing for juveniles, but maybe it's just not online.
He'd never heard of Boys Town but wasn't slamming the idea. He told me to print out some info on it and he'd run it by his super.
Since difficult child has to want to go, I'm going to discuss the way they run things with him. If he will agree to pursue it, I am going to go for it. Or at least keep pursuing it until/unless I find out something contrary to what I've been finding out about it. It really sounds to me like the way they run things is exactly what difficult child needs and even what CSU wants me to do, but KOI- I can't be a therapuetic mom 24/7 and work and provide for difficult child, too. Most, if not all, of their "homes" are run by a married couple and while that might sound too politically correct or traditional, difficult child has never had that and could really benefit from a man being there in as much a father role as a guard. Since difficult child was in middle school, the only males he's had in his life are strictly authoritative figures or other juvenile offenders. Not good. Too black & white- either a man is good or bad- you know- the male version of Madonna/w***e. That can't help his self-identity or confidence in himself that he can turn things around.
I know it's a long shot and I'm seriously trying hard not to get my hopes built up, but if difficult child is willing, I'm going to send an app in. If he gets accepted and PO has issue, I've decided I will let it go to court to explain why I think it's in difficult child's best interest, and the community's. Furthermore, it's one thing to deny Residential Treatment Center (RTC) when a kid has outstanding charges, it's another to justify not letting a kid go to Boys Town if he wants to and he's just getting released from paying his price to society. Never mind that the offense was against me, not the community- I ought to have some say so in it. I'm still his Mom, too.
Placement doesn't automatically go before the judge in this case if difficult child stays within CSU and my custody because the last judge never took custody away from me or turned difficult child over to dss or said that it needed to be re-evaluation'd upon his release from incarceration. So, the only reason difficult child/I would have to go to court is if 1) one of us doesn't comply with what PO orders, 2) difficult child re-offfends, 3) I got put in jail or did something stupid or refused to let difficult child come home (officially) and PO felt he had no choice but to pursue turning difficult child over to dss. That being said, I can do what I did in the last jurisdiction and request (hound them until I get it, aka beg) an administrative hearing to basicly go over the PO's head if I have evidence in hand that what I'm trying to provide for difficult child is better for him and everyone else in the world than what PO has ordered. But that doesn't mean I'd win. They tend to lean more toward backing up juvenile CSU here than they do anything- I think they look at it like because they deal with families, it's more important to show that they stick to each others' decisions than to consider over-riding a POs order, right or wrong. Like married people should back each other up to the kids, even when one has made a mistake or questionable decision.
So, I guess we'll see. At least it's a tiny shot.
thank you so much DJ!!!
Sorry this post got so long....