Brokenhearted

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hopeful97, Nov 9, 2015.

  1. Hopeful97

    Hopeful97 Active Member

    Our son started having problems when he was very young. He has a mental illness(es). As he got older things kept escalating. We have tried to help him (therapy, programs, psychiatrist, hospital, residential living for about a year and a half. Due to the mental and emotional abuse and stealing we had no choice but to make him leave at age 18. My son thinks nothing is wrong with his behavior, he thinks nothing is wrong even though medicine sometimes helped. He lies a lot and I think sometimes he does not even know what the truth is. We believe he knows we love him. He has been out of the house for about 2 months. I pray for my son all the time night and day and have his whole life. We believe he was sleeping at his girlfriends house for a while and now think he is on the streets. We feel like we are losing our son. The pain is always there and is almost always unbearable. We are constantly questioning ourselves: what did we do wrong, is it our fault, are we doing the right thing. Our oldest son believes that we are doing the only thing that we could, it's the only thing we had not done. My heart is breaking and unbelievably continues to break. It's almost impossible to help someone who does not want help. I don't know when we will see our son again. Believe it or not we did have a lot of happy times. Knowing that our son is out there and desperately needs help is so hard and heartbreaking. I found this website by pure accident, I like to think divine intervention and decided to see if it would help. Staying hopeful!
     
  2. Lwann

    Lwann New Member

    Hi, I wish I had some answers. I feel your pain. We have a 19 yr old son who sounds like yours. Similar struggles, similar journey. I hear you and just want to say hang in there. Our son came home this weekend for a visit that ended in disaster. We thought things were better, but we were in denial. It was a but of a surprise that we were caught off guard since we have come to expect the lies and stealing. We just wanted things to be different. I keep hoping he will just "grow up" one of these days, but I don't think it will ever be that easy for this son. No self esteem, and no sense of responsibility.
     
  3. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for your pain. I know it well. My son has no diagnosed mental illnesses, but like you, we had no choice but to put him out at 19 years old due to repeated lies, tantrums and thefts. I wouldn't wish this hurt on anyone.

    Welcome here with us. I'm sorry you find yourself needing to be here. :grouphug:
     
  4. SeaGenieTx

    SeaGenieTx Active Member

    Hopeful97 you have found the best forum you could possibly find. You've come to the right place. You are not alone and I share your pain, am going thru an identical situation. The pain is truly unbearable, I know exactly how you feel and what you are dealing with. Pour your heart out on here and know you have support when needed. This forum has saved me from dying from a broken heart (shout out to New Leaf). :notalone:
     
  5. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Sorry for your pain. You've come to a place where many are going through the same thing or have been there previously. I have found so much help here. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't find this group. Positive thoughts and hugs being sent your way.
     
  6. Feeling Sad

    Feeling Sad Active Member

    Hopeful, my son's situation is similar to your son's...just a bit down the road.

    My son is mentally ill. He started to act differently in his early 20s. I am a special education teacher and my 2 sisters are schizophrenic. I did not want to accept what I was seeing. He started to act differently and stopped going college or see his friends.

    He ran off and lived in his car in a cold state north of us because I had gone into his flooded room when he was gone.

    I went through a year of torture. I filed a missing persons report. I knew the state he was in because of his banking statement. I flew up there twice to try to find him. The police told him twice to call home. He said, "I know that I should, but I can't".

    One year later, to the day, he returned. After that, I clung tightly and did too much for him. I paid for an apartment for a few months for him. He never charged the phone I got him. He never went to college or worked, like he had promised. He never saw friends or let us in the gated building.

    I should have stopped the help completely. I let him move back home with no clear expectations in place. I was treating him with 'kid gloves'. I was afraid that he would run off again...

    He slowly got worse, stayed in his room longer, and his behavior became increasingly violent. Emotional abuse turned into smashing things and stabbing my counters and cupboards. He destroyed 3 computer, a landline, a T.V., light fixtures, walls, doors, ceilings, floors, rugs, antiques, family heirlooms...

    Would he be better today if I had kicked him out earlier? Probably.

    But, I do believe that I did not HELP him in any way by allowing him to stay in my house until he had to be forceably removed by the police 5 months ago. He is 35. I had to file a restraining order. He both tried to kill me and argued with his voices about not wanting to kill me.

    He lost time to try to get better while I allowed him to stay here with little rules. What little rules I had he broke and kept us in fear with his increasing violence. He was in control.

    He also stole things and would smile and blatantly say, "Do you want me to help you find it?"

    Did I help him by letting him stay here? No. I knew where he was...but at what cost? I am a single mother and became very afraid in my own house. My two younger sons slept with knives. They put a lock on my door and gave me mace. I found out later, that they were stalling starting their lives to stay home to keep their mother safe.

    Hopeful, rest assured that you did the right thing..for everyone involved. I have been told by several therapists that NOW my son has a chance to get better. Living at home, shut away in his room, he had NO chance.

    I was giving him negative reinforcement for his violence. I would tell him to go to the doctor. He smashed something...and I stopped asking... right then. This pattern repeated and repeated.

    When someone who is mentally ill becomes violent, it is usually toward family members. You deserve peace and a safe home.

    You did the right thing. You have shown love toward him by allowing him to get treatment and take control of his life. I am very proud of you. There are a lot of services out there to help the homeless. People find it much harder to say 'No' to several people at a shelter, than to one mother. He needs to comply to society's rules.

    Theft, bad behavior, or emotional abuse will not be tolerated.

    Hopeful, you have reason to be very 'hopeful'!
     
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  7. Feeling Sad

    Feeling Sad Active Member

    My message posted 3 times, I had to erase the extra ones.
     
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2015
  8. Feeling Sad

    Feeling Sad Active Member

    It would not pist...and then did 3 yimes. It would not let me delete it.
     
  9. Feeling Sad

    Feeling Sad Active Member

    Hopeful, does your son receive SSI or SDI? The shelter will help to guide him to get financial assistance, medical treatment, counseling, housing, job counseling, etc. They are usually very proactive. He will find help.

    Before the police served my son the restraining order, they evaluated him for an involuntary commitment. That day, he lied about the episode. He did not qualify. They then escorted him out of my tract.

    I tried for 9 years for him to get help. You are correct. It is very difficult to make someone get treatment if they do not want to. Sometimes, people lack insight and do not realize that they are mentally ill.

    You have the big advantage that you have his past medical records. If he is ever brought in for bizarre behavior or a theft, these records could help him to perhaps be evaluated and committed. After 18, though, it is more difficult. You could have his records on file at the police station. You could also file a missing person report because he is mentally ill, so that you are contacted if he is arrested or hospitalized. You could then decide what to do. But, you would be notified.

    I have read several times on this site that it is often too easy out there for our adult homeless children.

    My son goes to the local shelter and has had labs done. I am hopeful...like your name...that he is receiving help.

    Hopeful, he has an abundance of resources for him to utilize. Try not to worry. He will get the help he needs. You will see him again.
     
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2015
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Do not blame yourself please.
    Me tal illness and even a tendency to become addicted is largely hereditary and could come from a great aunt that we never met. Theere is no blame. You have done all you can to help.
    Warm thoughts to you and many orayers.
     
  11. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Hopeful, we on this site understand your heartbreak because we have been there and many are still right there with you enduring the pain, like they have posted.

    I would edit out one word from your statement here---I would take out the word "almost". It is impossible to help someone who will not help themselves. Impossible. Our bandaid---a bag of food, a night in a motel, a ride to the shelter---is just a bandaid. It is for us. It is something we need to do so we can live with the intolerable pain of loving someone so much and watching them self-destruct. It doesn't help them, except to provide a few brief moments of respite from their real lives. It doesn't do anything to turn the situation around. They and only they can turn their own situations around.

    The day, the minute, the second they figuratively get on their knees and say I need help and it comes from the depths of their being, that is the day that things can start to change for them...and I have learned that other people, other resources...are best to help in those early days, weeks and months. Mommy and Daddy are usually the worst to get involved with early change because early change is shaky, it is back and forth, it is up and down...and it's soooooo easy to slip back into old patterns. Change is so hard. Change for them is so hard, and change for us is so hard. The struggle is very similar.

    We know because we can step outside our own selves for a minute and we can see our ourselves. We can see ourselves obsess, fret, worry, decide, change our minds, try something, stop trying something, frantically back and forth, up and down, scared to death, filled with fear and anxiety and pain and grief.

    Us and them. It's the same struggle.

    You and your family could do nothing more than what you have done. It's okay. It's really okay. We can only be human and do the very best we can every day. That is all we can ever do. And that means it's not a perfect process.

    I have never witnessed a stronger love than the love of a parent for a child. We. All. Know. here on this forum that none of us could ever have even entertained the idea of throwing our own child out of our homes without being pushed past the brink of sanity over and over and over again until there is nothing more to be done except that one single thing.

    So once we get to that point....we are completely sick and tired and spent. We can't do or imagine one other thing to try to do, and we are all out of time. They have to go.

    So....then....we obsess, we drive ourselves crazy with the not-knowing, the fear, the grief, the shame, the guilt. We have to feel all of those emotions---just like you are doing right now. We have to feel them and deal with them.

    But we don't have to act on them. We have to learn how---this is a first step in our own recovery from enabling---to separate our very real and true feelings from our actions. This was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I felt like a lion pacing in a cage the first time I threw my son out and he was homeless and I had no idea what was going on with him. I literally could not stand it. I thought I was losing my mind.

    I had to learn how to do something with my feelings and I had to learn how to wait and not act and live with and feel my feelings instead of deny them or stuff them down or bury them or curl into a ball and die. Just like all of us here, just like you.

    It took time. It took work. It took assembling a toolbox of tools that worked for me and I started using them every single day. For a while I still felt like the lion in the cage, but tiny bit by tiny bit, things started to change inside me.

    I began to get a little bit better. I would still plan time into my day to lie on the bed and cry and sleep and stare at the wall. I had to literally hibernate and lick my wounds. when I would sleep and then wake up and remember...it would all rush back in again...and I would be devastated again. Sleep was a brief respite.

    Let me share with you some of my tools that worked for me: Books (CoDependent No More, Boundaries, anything by Pema Chodron and anything by Brene Brown, any Al-Anon book (there are many) and there are others as we'll; writing a daily gratitude list---this sounds small and silly but it is a life changer and it takes five minutes; digging weeds in the yard and/or scrubbing the kitchen floor on my hands and knees (quick way to release the lion pacing in the cage feelings); going out and taking a 10 minute walk; going to therapy; going to AlAnon meetings faithfully---there were times when I went every single day for weeks; getting a sponsor in Al-Anon; writing in a journal; buying flowers for the kitchen table; writing and reading on this forum.

    There were days when I could barely use one of these tools for 10 minutes and there were days when I could really work a plan of recovery for myself...but over time...little by little, I got better and better and become more and more functional...and even happy...and peaceful...and contented...and serene...even though there were still bad days and days when I cried and cried for a while.

    My son wasn't any better or different during this period of time when I reclaimed myself. He was homeless or in jail or in rehab (in and out) during this time. He has been arrested multiple times for drug-related things. He was a victim---never his fault---took no action---took no responsibility for years.

    Once we get to the place were you are...it's time to work on us. We know...we so know...that we can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. We just cannot.

    But we can help someone who does want to be helped: ourselves.

    We can help ourselves heal from the awful insanity that comes with loving our self-destructive child so very much. We would give anything we have or will have in the future to help them, but there comes a day when we really and truly accept that this won't work. Helping isn't helping.

    Adults must to learn to accept life on life's terms. Us and them. Life is a hard deal. Very hard. We have to learn how to navigate it. And it doesn't happen overnight.

    Please know that the purpose of this forum is for us to help each other with support, ideas, encouragement and listening. We can't and don't know all of the details of your journey and your son's journey, and that is okay. What we have to offer may or may not be helpful. Please take what you like and leave the rest. That is perfectly okay. You will hear many different points of view here. I believe they are offered with the best of intentions and out of our own very real experiences...but we can't know what you ought to do...ever.

    That's what got us in this trouble in the first place: thinking we know what other people ought to do.

    This has been the hardest, most painful, most humbling and more rewarding experience of my life, learning how to live in the face of deep pain, fear, grief and crippling uncertainty. I have become a better person through this awful road I have walked. And it isn't over. In fact, it will never be over. My son is much better today, and he appears to be progressing continuously over the past nearly 18 months. But anything can change at any time, and it's up to me to maintain healthy boundaries with him, a 26-year-old man, and believe me, that isn't easy for me. I continue to work hard on me to be a healthy person and it will be work I will have to do for the rest of my life, with a lot of mistakes along the way.

    Please know that we are here for you and we care. Warm hugs today.
     
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  12. Hopeful97

    Hopeful97 Active Member

    Child of mine, Thank you for your kind informative words. I just recently found out that my son is moving about 12 hours away. I was very weary hearing this (not true or true) we have been told similar things before. This time seems it may be true. I really don't know how I feel. I saw him for the 1st time in a little over 2 months. The way he talked and acted are extremely different than what I lived with for a very long time. I will always have hope but my hopes are up a little because after talking with others involved this seems like a great opportunity for our son, but again the truth is unknown at this point. Thank you again for your very wise words, you helped me more than you know.
     
  13. SeaGenieTx

    SeaGenieTx Active Member

    Wow Childofmine! Well said. Powerful. Excellent words. you described exactly how I feel and what I have been going through with my 23 yr. old son.

    The fear, panic attacks, not knowing... Pure torture. I feel like I have been in a cruel and abusive relationship. The addict is such a mean and hateful person. I never dreamed my son could be so cruel to his own mom. You described everything to a tee. Especially after you kick them out how you feel such intense fear, guilt, grief, shame and you obsess over wanting to know if they are OK. Nailed it - excellent post.

    My son is at the "You are delusional, its all your fault" stage. No where near admitting he has a problem and wants help. I've got a long way to go and only thing that helps is prayer.
     
  14. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    I think we go numb to protect ourselves. We don't know how we feel about any of it. We are afraid to feel anything about any of it. We are in a kind of paralysis...frozen...which way do we go---toward hope or self protection? For me it was a day-by-day thing. My emotions would be up and down and invisible to me. It is exhausting.

    Any change in their status...resulted in a change in MY status. Ugh. Learning to unhook from them does take time and distance. It is a mixed blessing not to hear from them for a while or to tell them not to call or email or text or FB message for a while. It's awful but it's good for us...to give us a chance to regain some equilibrium.

    I used to feel like one of those weighted punching dolls where all of the weight is in the bottom and you can just punch and the doll rocks this way and then that way. Every day, sometimes several times a day, there was a punch and I would rock and reel until the next punch.

    Again...unhooking from them...detachment with love...is the goal, I believe, when we are ready. When I first heard that term in Al-Anon I thought to myself: NEVER.

    Over time, I learned what it was and what it was not. It was a blessing to me. And to him.

    Yes...ADDICTION is the mean and hateful entity, and Addiction has taken up residence in our precious sons and daughters. It truly isn't about us. We are just on the periphery of their lives during this time, someone they can and will go to again and again and again until we put a stop to it. They will systematically go through every resource possible and then start at the beginning again. This is the 40-foot-tall monster called addiction. Somewhere deep inside is still our precious child, but they have been taken over, and until they muster the will to tell the Addiction Monster....no more...this is ending...starting now...and work harder than they have ever worked in their lives to beat it back and down...this is what we will see.

    It's not them. It's not about us. It's about addiction.

    That's hard to remember when they are pounding on the front door at 3 a.m., wild-eyed, crying, let me in...please...I'm begging you...and we finally say no to this. We stand there and through the door we say this: If you don't leave right now, I am calling the police. Don't ever come here again without an invitation.

    And we go into the kitchen and stand against the wall where they can't see us through the window and we pray and breathe and pray and breathe until finally they leave.

    This is the stuff we have to do. It is the hardest stuff there is to do in this world.

    Hang in there, Warrior Moms. We are here together. We will circle the wagons, as RE says, and we will help each other.
     
  15. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hello Hopeful, there is a lot said in your name, Hopeful. Although we have no control over our d cs, there is always hope. I am sorry you have had to find your way here, it is a good place to be, lots of folks in similar situations with empathy and good advice. This is your journey, and your choice on what to do.
    I have had a similar situation, minus the mental illness, but looking back, maybe depression. Now my d cs after years of using, do seem to have drug induced issues.
    Hopeful, it seems to me that you and your hubs have tried everything to help.
    What can we do as parents, when our help does not work, and the choices our d cs make invade the peace of our homes and our own souls?
    I believe, you have done this Hopeful, you have done your very best to help, and you are seeing it hasn't helped your son and hurt you. You have given your son his responsibility, his wings. They all have them our d cs, these wings, and they work.

    My d cs have been out for four months, but this after years of trying to help. I am glad you and your husband have figured this out sooner, rather than later.
    It will make a world of difference for you and your son.

    You have not lost your son, you have given him is responsibility, and you have gained yourselves.
    That is precious, Hopeful, to gain yourself.
    We were not meant to continue to sacrifice our lives, as our children cross the threshold to adulthood. That threshold is the beginning of their responsibility for their journey.
    Ahhh, the questions. When our children become adults and are d cs, there are the questions. In our releasing them, there is an anguish, a despair. We are grieving. In the grieving process, there are different phases you will go through. If you are not already going to a counselor, I would urge you to try. Or Alanon, or something. These groups understand more than we do, what addiction is, and what it means for our adult children, as well as us. It is helpful to know what is happening, in order to deal with it.

    Your oldest son is wise. I hope you find time to spend with him.
    I have come to realize how much time we spent with our d cs, trying to figure things out, we had neglected ourselves, and our relationships with our other children.

    Hopeful, please take deep, deep breaths. If you believe in a higher power, pray. It is very difficult to do anything when coming from deep hurt. I know how you feel, I have been there. But you will come out of this. It may not feel so now, but you will.

    This is true Hopeful, we cannot help someone who does not want help. It is probably not even for us to do. Our adult children simply do not grow, when kept under our wings. They only resent us the more so, for trying to help.
    I know the feeling of not knowing. It is okay Hopeful. Many folks are where you are. You are not alone. Try to change that perspective, that focus on not knowing, to understanding your son is on his own journey, and so you must focus on continuing yours.

    Yes, happy times. Hold on to those memories. Try not to hold an image of your son as a child. He is an adult, and will choose as he wishes. It is not the right choices right now, but that may change. It is his choice and as parents of adult children, we have no control over their choices.

    Yes, Hopeful, it is hard and heartbreaking. I find great solace in saying a prayer when my thoughts go to worry, for my two out there. Worry saps us of our energy, and does nothing to help them or us.
    There are many agencies out there who can help. The words you have said to your son over and over, spoken from a stranger, might sound like something new. Perhaps your son is out there, and he will meet someone who will inspire him to walk a better path.
    With you folks, as I am sure you already know, it would be the same ole, same ole.

    I hope you are able to refocus your energies in to rebuilding yourselves up. We become empty after struggling with our d cs. It is important to take good care of yourself. You have value, Hopeful, and a bright future ahead of you. By being strong, we are showing our d cs the importance of self worth, self value. We are showing them while their choices hurt us, we will not let that break us.

    Stay strong and please do take care Hopeful.
    Take the time you need to grieve, but in that remember, you have not lost your son.
    He is on a journey, and you can be hopeful that he finds his way.

    (((HUGS)))

    leafy
     
  16. Hopeful97

    Hopeful97 Active Member

     
  17. Hopeful97

    Hopeful97 Active Member

    We thought our son had a chance to move 12 hours away. We talked to the family taking him. My son had basically had no winter clothes. I talked to the mom and she confirmed that my son was going with them and she is going to get my son enrolled in ged classes and she thinks she has a job for him when they get to the state where they are going. They have been leaving for a week now, beginning to wonder what the real story is. My son is 18. I do not know what he did with the clothes he had when he left almost over 2 months ago. Since this story seemed litigate we beliebe because we talked to the family taking him ro try to help him. We helped our son bought him some winter clothes, socks underwear, jeans, hoodies, winter coat etc..a phone and paid for 1st month of service. I wanted him to be able to call, but he will be responsible for continuing to pay his bill.
    If he does not pay every month he loses connection. I realize now I probably did way to much and it is not going to happen again, I believe it is just enabling. I know he is supposed to be moving. I wanted him to have a phone. He is allegedly moving 12 hours away and I am praying it happens and is a positive change for him I believe if nothing else it will give him some kind of wake up call that he needs help and that his family loves him (which I think he knows). I am now fèelimg like maybe we did to much. I wamted to mkae sire he could call is. The guilt comes in to probably because I helped him out with clothe's another duffle bag, food, phone and 1st month service, and 2 gift cards. He was supposed to leave with this family Tuesday and it has not happened as far as we know. I am feeling guilty and shameful for all I did. My mom and sister said you were trying to help because you thought he was going to have a fresh start and we all thought that but are now having our doubts. I have learned from this and if it does not happen I just have to not answer his calls and eventually tell him I cannot help him ànymore until there is proof he is gettimg help, has get and or steady job maybe not even then it depends on the circumstances I guses and what this family tells me I have the moms phone number and she said she will keep in touch. Only time will tell. Me and and my family believe this woube a great opportunity for my son, bur who really knows. He this would really, really be a good opportunity for him to realize he needs help. I pray it is not abother good con. I continue to try not to beat myself up for helping 1 last time until I see definite change and that I believe is going to take time if ever. So I keep praying and talking to all of you. You have such wise words and bring a type of comfort it is hard to explain. I am also trying not to look at my son's Facebook page really hard it know of reassures me he is still alive. Feeling numb and can't really explain more than just numb - it is how I read some others feel and that is the closest I can come to describing it, I guess it is sort of a protective mode. Now allegedly they are leaving today, he is going to let me know when they are on this 12 hour journey. I am trying to put it out of my mind but it is hard I worry so much. Thank God for my faith.
     
  18. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi Hopeful,
    I am sorry for all of this, it is hard. Deep, deep breaths and the serenity prayer is very helpful, when I find myself spinning with thoughts and worry.

    [​IMG]

    It is hard, Hopeful, your son is 18, and just out for two months? You have been very, very strong.
    It is understandable, when we as parents are dealing with such things, to want to help.
    You have taken a huge step in letting your son go and test his wings. That is hard, Hopeful, a very hard thing to do. I am proud of you. This is big, realizing the alternative is unacceptable, your son remaining in your home and abusing the privilege.

    Please do not be so hard on yourself. You did a kind and loving thing. He is your son.

    There is nothing good to come of these feelings Hopeful. We learn sooner or later, after trial and error, what we need to be doing. How much do we give? How much do we do? Where do we draw the line? As you grow through this, the boundaries will come. Please do not beat yourself up, it is not healthy.
    This is what happens when we are feeling the effects of our d cs bad choices, and our realization of our enabling behaviors, it can be a vicious cycle, one playing off the other.
    You accomplished so much with the first biggest step, by letting your son know his behavior was unacceptable in your home, and the result of his choices, was that he had to leave.

    Very true, only time will tell. Please take it one day at a time.

    Keep on praying and posting Hopeful, it really, really helps. You are not alone in this, there are many out there with similar situations. It is hard.
    The detachment article in the PE forum is very helpful. It is not meant to use as a tool to beat yourself up, it is a learning curve for all of us.

    The numbing is a protective mode, I am right there with you on this one. I love my d cs, I do not like what they do.

    I am glad you have your faith, Hopeful. When I find my thoughts drifting to my d cs, it helps me to say a quick prayer.
    Instead of saying "I kicked them out." I say, "I gave them back to God", they were really only on loan to me, anyways.
    I did my best job as their mother, made tons of mistakes, but who doesn't, we are all imperfect humans.

    My d cs are way more than I can handle, but God? He can do anything, miracles, wonders.

    I just have to remember, it is not on my timeframe, it is up to them, and Him. They have to go on their pathway.

    As do I.

    So, Hopeful, please stop beating yourself up over what you have done for your son out of care and concern, loving kindness. Most of us here, have been where you are at.

    You will be okay, and so will your son.

    Take care of yourself, and do something kind for you. You have value and you are special.

    (((HUGS)))
    leafy
     
  19. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Hello, Hopeful

    I want to say, welcome. There are a number of us who have mentally ill children who are or have been homeless.

    I wish, too, I had been stronger and insisted my son leave home.

    I did not help him by allowing him to return. He had gone to Job Corps at 18. I insisted he complete a vocational training to even consider that he come home. He picked the shortest.

    Eventually when I kicked him out when he was 23 he eventually became homeless and had multiple emergency psychiatric hospitalizations for risk of suicide. Except for a few weeks, I have not relented since that time. He is improving somewhat. He is now 27.

    You are not alone. It gets easier. You are doing the right thing. Keep posting. It really helps.

    COPA
     
  20. Hopeful97

    Hopeful97 Active Member

    Leafy thank you for your kind words. I do not think the tears will ever stop. I do sort of feel like I am getting part of my life back and have mixed feelings, mostly guilt. My husband does not talk about it much but we are on the same page I believe. I know you know the pain is physical as well as mental right now. Thanks for your help and everyone else too.
     
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