Can I say that I truly at times do not like my difficult child to the point of almost hate for what he has done to our family lives and how he treats us? Does this make me a terrible person? I realize he has diagnosed problems and some of his behaviors are beyond his control, but honestly, there are times I think I can't take it anymore with him. I feel awful that I am raising a child that has no compassion or respect for others, primarily me, husband, and easy child. and is so selfish.
We have had a rough school year besides our rough home life with him. We went thru school refusal and home tutoring. We began medications for the first time with mild help, we have a new therapist and psychiatrist. Yet, sometimes there is a glimmer of hope we are on the right track but mostly despair because it is as if nothing has changed for us.
difficult child returned to school about 6 weeks ago and things seemed better. He was going to bed ontime, getting up, going to school, etc... but this week things have turned sour again for reasons again, I can't figure out. When we remind him it is bedtime, he gets so mean and nasty, screaming at us to not to tell him what to do. Mornings have been more of the same. He gets up but when I say it is time to get ready to go....his nasty mouth gets going again. Today he "warned" me that if I tell him to go to bed tonight or wake him in the morning, because he would get up himself ( he never would), or tell him it is time to get dressed because the bus is coming soon, he would not go to schooll!
difficult child his bigger than me in every way. He stands over me and screams at me with a tone of voice that most people wouldn't speak to an animal with! It is so horrible! Today I said nothing back because I just wanted him to get out the door and on the bus and away from me for the day!
I look forward to school ending so that stress ends but the thought of him being with me and easy child everyday/minute is making me sick. difficult child is going to a few half day sports camps for only about 3 weeks and then nothing! Nothing I suggest we do over the summer makes him happy. Doesn't want to do this or that and just makes us all miserable and ruins everything for easy child if we do go somewhere because he does nothing but complain and annoy! I have no problem leaving him home a few hrs. to take easy child places and do things but difficult child calls my cell every few minutes screaming for me to come home. If I don't answer, when I do get home he is crazed!
We have not been on a vacation in over 3 years. The last one was so awful that I can't imagine doing it again. We would love to take the kids and do something fun but difficult child can't handle it. Everything we do..where we go, where we stay, where we eat, etc... has to be his way or else! I feel awful for easy child never going anywhere but how do I take him away and leave difficult child with husband? It would cause world war 3!
I could go on and on but you all can imagine! Thanks for letting me vent. I would love to see my own therapist but with all difficult child's bills for medical care, we can;t afford it.
*Jan
We have had a rough school year besides our rough home life with him. We went thru school refusal and home tutoring. We began medications for the first time with mild help, we have a new therapist and psychiatrist. Yet, sometimes there is a glimmer of hope we are on the right track but mostly despair because it is as if nothing has changed for us.
difficult child returned to school about 6 weeks ago and things seemed better. He was going to bed ontime, getting up, going to school, etc... but this week things have turned sour again for reasons again, I can't figure out. When we remind him it is bedtime, he gets so mean and nasty, screaming at us to not to tell him what to do. Mornings have been more of the same. He gets up but when I say it is time to get ready to go....his nasty mouth gets going again. Today he "warned" me that if I tell him to go to bed tonight or wake him in the morning, because he would get up himself ( he never would), or tell him it is time to get dressed because the bus is coming soon, he would not go to schooll!
difficult child his bigger than me in every way. He stands over me and screams at me with a tone of voice that most people wouldn't speak to an animal with! It is so horrible! Today I said nothing back because I just wanted him to get out the door and on the bus and away from me for the day!
I look forward to school ending so that stress ends but the thought of him being with me and easy child everyday/minute is making me sick. difficult child is going to a few half day sports camps for only about 3 weeks and then nothing! Nothing I suggest we do over the summer makes him happy. Doesn't want to do this or that and just makes us all miserable and ruins everything for easy child if we do go somewhere because he does nothing but complain and annoy! I have no problem leaving him home a few hrs. to take easy child places and do things but difficult child calls my cell every few minutes screaming for me to come home. If I don't answer, when I do get home he is crazed!
We have not been on a vacation in over 3 years. The last one was so awful that I can't imagine doing it again. We would love to take the kids and do something fun but difficult child can't handle it. Everything we do..where we go, where we stay, where we eat, etc... has to be his way or else! I feel awful for easy child never going anywhere but how do I take him away and leave difficult child with husband? It would cause world war 3!
I could go on and on but you all can imagine! Thanks for letting me vent. I would love to see my own therapist but with all difficult child's bills for medical care, we can;t afford it.
*Jan