Wow! Thank you, Ladies- and especially DDD for thinking of us to this extent! We had a great day- difficult child helped a lot around the house after we returned from clothes shopping. He decided since neither of the jeans I bought him fit well and they were priced high and he had a limited budget, that he wanted to get the cash (which I kept for him) and shop at a less expensive store, so that is what we did. And, I had gotten him the package deal at the movie/game rental place so since we watched a movie together last night, tonight he has a boxing game that he is playing. This is after he ate his meal of polish sausage and rice that he'd requested while incarcerated and having a piece of b-day cake. He's happy, I think, and will be exhausted shortly- which goes a long way for sleeping through the night. LOL!
I know it might have seemed bad or mean to leave some of this stuff around the house for him to help with, but I'm reminded of my step-father who used this method of everyone in the household helping out as 1) a way to save money since we weren't paying others, 2) a way to get us to respect the house more and keep it clean and undamaged, and 3) a way for us all to feel a personal stake in it and that we really belonged in it- like we had a bit of ownership because we worked for it, too. difficult child seems to feel this way- right now I can't imaginge him ever damaging anything in it again, assuming he doesn't get heavily involved in drugs in the future.
You can even tell by the way the dogs are acting- we ALL keep sighing and looking and smiling because it seems we are jumping up doing whatever it takes to get us one little step closer to "normalcy", which we haven't felt for close to 2 years. Even if we don't get there as planned I can't help but think this is good for us and helping him in some way. As all of our difficult child's, he's not all bad and I do love him very much. It was all I could do for a while to maintain my own life, but some of the things I have heard him say to me the past two days made so many of my efforts worth it. I had thought I might never hear those words from my son's mouth, much less anytime before he was 30 yo. I am so thankful that the judge didn't lsiten to the GAL, that she made the choice she did, and also that the PO put things across to difficult child in a way that was subtle, non-threatening, but still letting difficult child know that I was his mom and he (the PO) would be basing a lot of future decisions on how I reported difficult child was doing- so for once, I feel like the PO is backing me up. Now, if the mentor can be an asset instead of a hindrance or a rouge, difficult child should be good to go with the best opportunity he has. And he's trying- he seems to feel good by showing me how responsible he is now and how well he can help out and how thankful he is that I am trusting him again. It's like when the baby is born and you stand in the doorway and watch them sleep in the crib- worried, frightened about the future, proud, and wishing you knew all the right answers for everything that could possibly happen but knowing that all you can really do is take it one step at a time and do the best you can.
I would like to encourage all warrior moms (and dads) here not to give up- we might not have a clue what is the right answer with our difficult child's and it's certainly way too soon to say mine has turned the corner, but I'm so thankful that I didn't give up and turn my back. And thank you again- all of you- for being there today and the past few years. I hope I can give back and help someone else the way people here have educated me, supported me, and just been there to listen when I needed it the most. We all need to know sometimes that our difficult child's do really love us and the challenges they present to us aren't because they don't care about us or want to hurt us or don't appreciate our efforts. I am so thankful that I could hear this from my son in a time and method that makes me believe he was sincere about it-