Cloudflower

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by meowbunny, Aug 28, 2007.

  1. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I saw your post to Sammie but didn't want her thread hijacked. I'm sorry you're going through so much pain. Sammie's situation is different from yours. She doesn't believe her son is using drugs. You KNOW yours is. Do a search for Mikey's post. Barring his anger, it sounds like you two are very much in the same boat.

    As to his letter, I hear his pain but I also see his manipulation. Kiddo, adulthood stinks! What we want as teens and young adults is a fulfilling job that will let us live in the lap of luxury while helping humanity and maybe working two hours a day. What we usually get is the nine to five. Ask any adult if this is the life they would have chosen and if they truly like it. You'll get a resounding NO! the majority of the time. But we adults understand the nine to five gives us the things we do want like a nice home, car, good clothes, filet rather than just meatless spaghetti, vacations, etc. If we're lucky and worked hard, we get and have more than just the necessities. This came about by education, hard work, experience. This doesn't mean you have to go to college but it does mean you have to have marketable skills. Reality stinks!!!!

    Your son isn't saying anything new. He's just able to articulate his feelings better than most young people. How do you detach from it? Not necessarily so easily. He does sound depressed. If you can get him to agree to stop the drugging and drinking, I'd get him on anti-depressants. If not, there's little you can do but accept that these are his choices for now. You and your husband need to decide exactly what you will tolerate. Are drugs okay in the home? What about violence? What about out past curfew? Draw your line in the sand and let him know that if he crosses that line, he will have to live his life elsewhere.

    As hard as it is and if it's not too late, it is time to start fighting the drug battle. That may mean rehab. That may mean calling the police if he brings drugs into the house or comes home high. That may mean forcing him to find another place to live. The odds of him just using marijuani are slim. If he is doing drugs with friends, it is more than likely that marijuana is just the tip of that iceberg.
     
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Thanks meowbunny...

    Hi cloudflower! I'm glad you found us and sorry you had to look for a place like this one.

    I'd like to suggest that you start a new post in our Teens and Substance Abuse forum. A lot of us cross-post about various things and you are certainly welcome to post anywhere you dang well feel like :wink: .....but special concerns, like drug use, self-medicating, are primary topics over in the Teens forum. Check out the posts over there...the archives....the posts and archives here, too. Also General has some terrific archives.

    When I found this site in 1999 I read and cried for 3 days- I couldn't believe I'd finally found some folks who understood the life I was living.

    Welcome :smile:.

    Suz
     
  3. cloudflower

    cloudflower New Member

    Thanks, Meowbunnny, for setting me right...
    Didn't really intend to hijack anyone else's post.
    The boy is bright and charming. I wish I could come up with something better to counter his manipulation/argument than "welcome to adulthood". It's so much like the good old' "because I said so". husband and I are steeling ourselves for calling his bluff on the moving out threat. What difficult child doesn't quite realise is that he will not be taking his phone, car, or computer with him...... ;-)
    Heck, I didn't know what I wanted to do at that age, except move out of the house, so I worked & schooled my butt off.
    As to the depression, he's been on Cymbalta for the past year or so for the chronic migraines he's had since the age of 3. (he says the pot helps with those too..)
    As to the substance(s) abuse, husband and I having come of age in the 70's, could handle a little partying on the weekends, but agree, his usage has become way more in the dependent range, and is of a deeper concern. Frankly the tobacco usage/addiction worries us as much as any.
    Hence, the upcoming appointment with the neurologist this week and perhaps future setup with some kind of psychiatric. If he's gonna be on drugs, at least they'll be the legal kind....Hopefully we can channel his energy and talents.
    Thanks and kind thoughts to all of you!
     
  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    A few thoughts...

    #1. The pot that is sold now is NOT the same stuff that was sold in the 60's and 70's. This stuff is BAD NEWS- can be laced with all kinds of things. This isn't the relatively harmless "far out man, I have munchies" type stuff that we knew.

    #2. Pot and medications do NOT agree with one another. When my son was on medications and doping he became nasty and mean. Surly. Intimidating. Again, do not discount the seriousness of today's pot.

    #3. Pot is the tip of the iceberg. It's not called a "gateway drug" for no reason. If he's admitting to pot, there's probably a lot of other stuff he's using that he's not admitting...but you will find out about it eventually- I promise you that.

    Suz
     
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Cloudflower,

    Nice to see you reach out to Sammie. You two arrived on the board within hours of eachother. That is very much to your benefit! Both of you certainly need advice and wisdom from the wise warriors who have been there, done that (or, as we like to say, been there done that), but sometimes you just want to vent. There is one other who just came on the board, "CantStopCrying", and another relative newcomer named "StandsWithCourage". The four of you have similar (not identical) stories, and it would be a nice idea for you gals to network.

    Please post here as often as you need to as well! We are all glad you found us, but sorry that you had to.

    Hugs and prayers.
     
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Another huge gateway drug in my book is alcohol. The first start drinking, then using pot, then everything else. And everyone is dead on that the pot of yesteryear is in no way the same thing as what is out there today. It simply isnt.

    Our pot wasnt addictive. This pot is. I have seen lives in shambles over this stuff. My families included.

    Its not pretty.
     
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Wanted to jump in and say Welcome. :biggrin:

    Hugs
     
  8. CAmom

    CAmom Member

    Just a thought...you didn't say in which state you live, but, here in CA, when we took our son to his neuro doctor to address the pot-as-self-medicating issue, obviously his pot use was discussed and noted in the doctor's records. When we tried to renew our son's Blue Cross medical insurance coverage, they requested updated records, and promptly denied him coverage because of his pot use. Because of that, he cannot obtain medical insurance though Blue Cross for five years. A disaster...
     
  9. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    just popping in to welcome you aboard
     
  10. cloudflower

    cloudflower New Member

    WOW!CAmom!
    I'm in CA too & we're on Blue Cross. Thanks for the warning. Guess I'll have to tell the neuro to keep that part off the record.
    I suppose the boy could get medication coverage thru his job at Starbux (assuming he keeps it..... ;-p) he likes the job, impulsive acts, keep him on thin ice....
    by the way? soCal or norCal?..
    thanks again
     
  11. amstrong

    amstrong New Member

    Jumping in with a welcome myself. You have found a great bunch of parents.

    Hugs,
     
  12. CAmom

    CAmom Member

    Cloud, we live in the Central Coast area of CA. by the way, our very close friend who is a 50-something, very sucessful, well respected business man, still medicates his ADHD with pot and, unfortunately, has had the same thing happen to him. He lives in the Central Valley area of CA. I'm thinking that admitting to pot use in California is NOT a good idea. I'm not into lying to insurance companies or anyone else, but this is simply outrageous, in my opinion...
     
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