Desperate Mom

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lar, Mar 28, 2007.

  1. lar

    lar New Member

    I have posted here once before but it has been a little while. I am in urgent need of advice. My daughter (now 19) was diagnosed with Bipolar last fall and was put on Respirdal which did some good but caused a lot of weight gain. Her psychiatrist switched her to Abilify a little over a week ago. She has always had some pretty off the wall behaviors and can get very violant but we have had 2 major instance in the past week and I'm not sure what's happening. She had a major rage the other night with me (even hit me in the face). Today (while I am at work)her friend John was at our house and she called me crying saying that he hit her. A few minutes later I talked with him and he was hesterical. He said that she tried to stab him with knife! Not sure of all the details but it sounds like he wasn't wanting to go outside to smoke a cigarette with her and this set her off. According to him he accidently bumped her with his elbow. He had already left our house to get away from her. This is constantly how she is! I was so upset Sunday evening that I literally thought I was losing control. Her behavior has just continued to spiral downward and I can't find any help! I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!!!! I adopted her 7 1/2 years ago and I feel like I have done all I can do! I have a call into the doctor's office to speak to someone. He is out of the country. I really believe she needs to be hospitalized. I have so many holes in the wall at my house, have called the police, she has even spent a weekend in jail. Nothing seems to change though and she continues to act like a 2 year old in a 19 year old body. Just really need to vent. Thanks for any advice.
     
  2. bonkers

    bonkers New Member

    Lar,

    If you fear for yourself or her safety wise, take her to an ER.. I am a newbie as well, also adopted from State Foster (amazing what they don't tell you huh??) and have had some serious bouts of violence, still going through it.. But one thing I have learned first and formost - ALWAYS as much as possiable keep yourself and her safe - all else is secondary...

    Hugs to you!
     
  3. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Hi {{{Lar}}}

    If you feel your safety is in danger and she is behaving erratically, definitely get her to an ER.

    I would stop giving her the abilify, but that's me. I'm sure others with more experience in this area, will be along soon to offer some good advice. It's good that you called her DR. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.

    Hugs~
     
  4. oceans

    oceans New Member

    It sounds to me like she is not stable on her medications. If she was diagnosed with bipolar, why didn't the Dr put her on a mood stabilizer? I know that sometimes they try to use an antipsychotic, but it does not seem to be working!

    If you are in danger get her to the ER. Perhaps she does need a hospitalization to get the medications right. Is there a Dr on call you can get in touch with?
     
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So sorry, lar... you're not alone. It does sound like the medications are not working. I don't know how long it takes her to calm down once she's in a rage like that, but if you can talk to her and get her into the ER or the hospital asap, I would agree with-the other moms here, that you should do that. She is involving other people and you can see where that's going.
    Holes in the walls... fights... I am so sorry. {{cyberhugs}}
    I am keeping my fingers crossed that the dr calls back asap... there must be someone on call... if they don't call you in an hr or so, I'd call back, or choose some other alternative. This cannot go on.
     
  6. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Lar,

    I think I would suggest/ask a couple things. Has your daughter ever been on a mood stablizer? Ambilify is an atypical psychotropic which is usually added after mood stablization is achieved. That may be a question for the doctor. I don't have experience with BiPolar (BP), however I know that many here have had success with the behaviors after their child was stable.

    But, first and foremost, you and the household must be kept safe. As the previous posters have suggested, 911 first. Perhpas a hospitalization second.

    Hugs to you,
    Sharon
     
  7. lar

    lar New Member

    Thanks so much for your responses. Things are so out of control and I feel like my job is going to be in jeapordy if I don't do something. I still haven't heard back from the doctor's office but I am planning on taking her to the ER tonight and not giving her an option. If she doesn't willingly go I may have to get a police officer involved that can explain to her that she can no longer live in my house if she isn't willing to accept help. I really think she needs a mood stabalizer too and needs a very thorough evaluation.

    Thanks again for the support. Hopefully we can find the right help.
     
  8. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    For sure needs a medication change and a trip to the ER if she gets violent again.
     
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I am planning on taking her to the ER tonight and not giving her an option. If she doesn't willingly go I may have to get a police officer involved that can explain to her that she can no longer live in my house if she isn't willing to accept help.

    I have a s-i-l who is like this... she is middle aged, has numerous health problems, and is making life h*ll for everyone around her. She has ruined every relationship she has ever had. She has no children and her husband travels a lot. If she had had a mother like you, she would be living a normal life right now. Your difficult child may temporarily hate you but someday, she'll thank you.
     
  10. kris

    kris New Member

    sounds like things have been pretty hideous for you.

    here is what i would try. first call your local cop shop. tell them the situation & ask if you call will they provide transport to the ER. i would NOT try to take her on your own....& certainly not in your car.

    if you wait until she is calm to take her to ER she will not get admitted. she is pretty much either going to have to admit to her behaviors & also be demostrating her behaviors....at least to some extent.

    since she is an adult, well legally at any rate, i'd be surprised if the psychiatrist will even speak with-you. doesn't matter if you're paying the bills....legally she is old enough to give medical consent (14yo in most states actually) & has a right to privacy. what you can do is call, speak with-the nurse & advise her of what is going on but expect her to NOT discuss the situation with-you. sigh

    the violence against you simply CANNOT continue. the very next time she even tries to hit you or starts damaging your home call the cops. have her arrested if need be...tho they may just try & get her to leave.

    you may have to start looking at sending her out on her own. yes, i know you don't think she can survive, but you can't continue like this. it's truly, truly dangerous. you might want to contact your local MHMR department....they are usually county run. ask them if they know of alternative living facilities. also call your local NAMI chaper. they will hopefully have some resources she can tap into & they should also have a support group for caretakers of mentally ill adult children.

    kris
     
  11. Loris

    Loris New Member

    I agree with the above posts, also. She does seem to stabalize on medications that work for her. I hope you find help quickly, it's a dangerous position you're in.
     
  12. livinginazoo

    livinginazoo New Member

    I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. Although she may be legally an adult, you can go through the court and get Medical power of attorney over her if you can prove that she is not responsible to make medical decisions for herself. It sounds harsh, but we had to do it with my mom. Your daughter is much older than mine, but admitting her to a hospital may be what she needs. Be prepared when you admit her it is a long process, it took me about two hours to get my difficult child 1 admitted and afterwards I had a complete break down, you know your daughter, and while it's a hard choice to make sometimes it has to be done. Make sure you have a support group for you when you do this, as it is very hard and draining. Your daughter may hate your for a while if you put her in-patient for evaluation, but keep reassuring her that your doing it for her best interest, and that you love her no matter what.
     
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