Did I Reach Her?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hound dog, May 11, 2008.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Who knows?

    Nichole left here a while ago in a very good mood to celebrate part of mother's day with boyfriend's family.

    And I got the dreaded phone call. Mother's Day Drama. And evidently it was bad. Nichole hung up the phone before boyfriend could tell me much. Then called back saying Nichole wanted to die........

    So I told him to put her on the phone. She was nearly hesterical. You know how you know when you're kid is really in need? Well, I knew.

    So I worked hard on calming her down first because I couldn't understand her. She told me mean, nasty things boyfriend had said all because he didn't want to drive to his grandmother's and wanted Nichole to ride in the car with his mother knowing that they hate each other. (there's more but that's the jest)

    I kept very calm. Told Nichole that if that is what happened, and boyfriend couldn't respect her wishes or her enough to just drive his own car then she should just come home.

    What started out the same ole thing, became one of the deepest mother/daughter talks we've ever had. We discussed respect, and how she deserves it, also how to demand it. Not by screaming, hitting, or threats. You simply do. Even if that means walking away because you won't tolerate behavior or mistreatment. We discussed the long term effects all of this abusive behavior is/and will have on Aubrey long term.

    For the first time ever I got her to admit she is hanging onto this relationship for fear she can't make it by herself. So we talked about that. How that is what her family is for, that we knew it would be tougher for her because of the baby. That we are prepared to HELP. That there are ways, too many to count in order for her to become independent and able to support herself and the baby. I told her she is much stronger than she knows. That she comes from a long line of strong women on BOTH sides of her family. I gave her great grandmother and grandmother's as examples. Two woman who were brave enough to leave such relationships in times when it wasn't done, one who raised 7 kids alone, the other 5. I reminded her that it was NICHOLE who stuck with hs, got the grades, and graduated. No one helped her with that. Online she had to do it alone, and she did.

    I reminded her again that the problems in her relationship with boyfriend don't have to do with her illness, but with the relationship itself. As as long as she tolerates the behavior, feeds into it, it will continue to esculate until one of them does something serious to the other which distroys both families, with little Aubrey the BIG loser.

    There was much more. She was calm but sad when she said good-by. I only hope, for all their sakes that this time she listened, that it hit home.

    boyfriend alone is a nice guy. Nichole is a great girl. The two of them together is like dynamite and a match.

    I so hope that this time I reached her.

    So much for my peaceful Mother's Day. Now I'm waiting for the phone call to pick her up.:dissapointed:
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Rob and his former girlfriend were the same way. It was constant drama. His current girlfriend seems to bring out the best in him and I'm so grateful.

    I hope this turns out to be a pivotal moment for Nichole.

  3. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    daisylover, Ditto what Suz said. Lets all hope and pray that Nichole does the right thing for herself and her child. Maybe you hit a home run today.

    And suz, so glad to hear that Rob is doing good.
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    If you did, this will be your best Mother's Day yet!

    I think some people like drama because if you think about it, when you are facing a crisis, you often feel the need to be in control - "OK, I have to do this NOW! - no chance to second guess" - even though you are screaming "I can't make this decision" You feel you don't have time to think things through so anything you decide to do will be right and if not, it is o.k., you did what you needed to do in the moment. You solved the problem (or it would have been solved if those around would follow your plan). Then you feel good that you made it through the crisis.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hugs Lisa. I am sorry you had to deal with all the drama.

  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I still don't know if what we talked about really took hold. I do know that this time she actually listened.

    I don't know what happened after she got off the phone. But after more than an hour of waiting for a phone call, I called over there to see if she wanted to go to mother in law's with the rest of us. Things had calmed down. Evidently boyfriend had backed out of trying to force Nichole to ride in the car with his mother. (who I'm sure was no less thrilled herself by the idea0

    boyfriend and Nichole joined the family at mother in law's. It was pleasant. I did catch Nichole by herself and asked if things were ok. She told me she is giving alot of thought to what we talked about.

    They are now at his grandmother's.

    Maybe we'll get a chance to talk a bit more tonight when she is calm. But I'm not getting hopes up or counting chickens. I just hope at least some of what I said registered.

  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I thought Mother's day was the day our kids took care of US????? I've said it before and I'll say it again - YOU are a phenominal MOM -

    Happy Mothers Day
  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you gave each other a very nice Mother's Day gift. Thoughtful conversation. I'm glad that she listened to you.