Did we all survive Christmas?

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Nancy, Dec 25, 2012.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have to say our day was lovely. easy child slept over last night and it was so nice having her here. difficult child came over about 11 a.m. They opened their presents and were thrilled. easy child got a mini ipad so she can download apps to help her kids at tutoring after school. difficult child got a lfat screen tv for her apartment. Then some essential clothes for difficult child and some much apprecaited school supplies for easy child. husband, difficult child and I drove the tv over to difficult child's apartment and took the empty box back home. We were very nervous about her neighbors seeing a tv go in there because her apartment would be broken into and tv stolen within days.

    Got back home and put dinner in the oven, beef tenderloin in mushroom wine sauce and holiday mashed ptatoes, our all time favorite meal. Cleaned up and relaxed a bit and helped difficult child do some laundry.

    The best present of all was what difficult child got husband and I. She had asked what we wanted for Christmas and I told her the only thing we wanted was for her to pay her utility bills and prove it to us. She got us both a lovely card and put $240 in them to pay the part of the bill that they said had to be paid by Jan 4 or they would shut her gas off. She asked me to go online and pay it which I did. She still owes $220 but at least she has some breathing room. Then she gave me the $100 her grandpa gave her and asked if I would put it on the electric bill, which I did. Baby steps but pretty important ones.

    difficult child went home just a short time ago and sent me a picture of the tv on the stand which she put together by herself. I told her I was proud of her. She told us on the way over to her apartment that she was so lucky to have the family she does.

    It was one of the most peaceful Christmases in a very long time.
  2. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Nancy, that sounds wonderful. I am so happy that you had a peaceful day that included your difficult child. She does sound like she is trying.

    Our difficult child called last night for the first time since she left. It was her usual "all about me" . . . she was upset that she wouldn't have any presents and that it would be a sad Christmas for her. Not once did she ask about us.

    She did say that she signed the full release for husband and me but had not signed one for the interventionist. I told her she had to sign one for her, too, before we would send her anything including her Christmas presents. I ended the call because she was upsetting me with her usual behavior. I know it is not realistic to expect a big change in a week but I just didn't want to have to deal with it on Christmas eve.

    Tonight she called on our home phone and said she had forgotten our cell numbers and asked us to call back and leave the numbers on the answering machine. She did sound calm and just wished us a merry Christmas. husband called back and left the cell numbers but we haven't heard back from her.

    easy child came over last night and we went out for dinner and then watched It's a Wonderful Life together. We got up this morning and opened presents. She was thrilled with her Sperry's (I was with her one day when she picked up a pair of glitter Sperry's and tried them on so I went back and bought them for her) and IPod touch. She spent the rest of the day transferring songs to the Ipod. I could tell that easy child really put thought into our presents which I really appreciated since that is always lacking when difficult child gives us presents.

    husband cooked our Chrismas dinner making all of easy child's favorites and then she went back home. So now its just the dogs and me lounging in bed and I am spending my evening surfing the net.

    I hope everyone else had a peaceful day, too.

  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Onyxx may have gotten a clue. Spent a while researching possible legal consequences (fines, jail time, etc.) for her little binge. Got a couple cute outfits for the Megabean, an Xbox Live headset for Jett and... I've been trying to convince her to sell me her minifridge for a couple of months - it has a freezer compartment that I could really use for expressed milk... She gave it to me and husband for our gift. And helped husband find parts for my mixer for me.

    Honestly, today I got the best gift of all. Contented happiness.
  4. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I am also feeling blessed. difficult child was so appreciative of her gifts. All she said she wanted were pajamas and red shirts (she works at Target and has to wear a red shirt every day). We have a tradition of giving PJs on Christmas eve, and I didn't want to get her four pairs of pjs (I give three gifts on Christmas, one for each of the Three Wisemen). I bought her a pair of fleece PJ pants with a red henley that could also be worn as a regular shirt, a beautiful black lace skirt that was cool enough that she'd like it, not not hoochy (so I'd like it!), and a gift certificate to my hairdresser (who she adores). She was thrilled with everything, but her reaction to the skirt was priceless. She has major body-image issues, but the skirt was flatterign and fit perfectly. She wore it to my nieces and got a ton of compliments. She got me two long-sleeved t-shirts (love them!) and bubble bath. So sweet.

    She went with me to my niece's and then to her dad's girlfriend's. Tonight, her boyfriend is taking her to Trans Syberian Orchestra. Lucky kid.

    I did think that what her dad and girlfriend got her was odd ... She has been talking about getting an apartment, even sort of had one lined up but it fell through (long story). She really cannot afford to live on her own on part-time Target wages, but in his typical Ostrich style, he bought her a Cuisinart griddle thingy. Really? girlfriend did buy her a super soft blanket, but then she bought her a welcome mat (?) and some pot holders. For a 21 year old? Who lives with her mom and will for some time to come? They (girlfriend and Ossy) are big Costso shoppers. You could tell that's where they did their Christmas shopping this year. LOL. difficult child was happy, and I kept my mouth shut but...weird.

    Last edited: Dec 26, 2012
  5. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    Nancy I am glad you had a nice and reading about your difficult child was good news. Happy smile
  6. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Member

    Glad to read so many positive stories.

    Spent 24 hours from difficult child in a hotel near the sober house. He was wonderful the entire time.

    We went to see Guilt Trip. Ate out and talked a lot. It's like he is the old kid I once knew. No catty comments. Opened doors for me. Laughed, etc.

    He told me he was really lonely and still depressed. That didn't surprise me but him admitting it did surprise me. He's going to try to get his antidepressant uped. I'm fine w that as I take the same kind but twice his dosage.

    Here's to a happy 2013 for all of us!!!
  7. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    As you know difficult child will not be at our holiday functions for a long time due to incarciration. I did not dwell on it. We had snow here so husband has not gone to see him yet. He will try tomorrow.

    I was to have a family dinner for my daughters and their families and easy child/difficult child, husband and I here on Christmas eve. The storm made the roads treacherous and my eldest daughter' car ended up in a corn field and they had to turn around and go home. They couldn't get up their hill and had to leave the car and walk the last half mile home. In the process they lost one of the gifts. It was one my 13 year old grandson bought for me wth his own money. He was absolutely devastated. Anyway we had a much smaller dinner with much food left over since 4 family members were not here. The good news is that easy child/difficult child has been sober for over a year now and we did have a bottle of wine for husband and I and our other guests which did not bother son at all. It was the first time we had any spirits around him since he got sober. We feel it is best for him to be near it in a protected environment first. We are very proud of him but sent the remaining home with daughter as I do not want to keep any in house just yet.

    The weather was better on Christmas day so we all (except easy child/difficult child who was sick with a stomach bug) went to my younger daughter's for an somewhat inpromptu family dinner. It was just supposed to be daughter and her family and husband and I. So things got reversed a bit this year. It was lovely and all was well in the end. Just the one little thing. My sweet grandson is perseverating a bit on the lost gift. He is a little obsessive and tends toward depression, so hopefully we can get him to move past that quickly. -RM
  8. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    Nancy, what a great Christmas! I'm so happy to hear things went so well. Baby steps, but yes, very important baby steps. I'll bet it was nice to have easy child spend the night and I'm glad that difficult child was so appreciative of her family. That's a huge present!

    Kathy, I'm sorry that difficult child upset you on Christmas Eve. Hopefully as time goes on, she will come to understand that this was just one Christmas out of a lifetime, if she can stay on the right track. Glad easy child helped make it a special holiday.

    Step, contented happiness sounds like a great gift!

    Dashcat, awww about the pj's. Love that tradition! Glad it was a great holiday.

    AG, how nice that you had such a great visit! I remember when my difficult child was in a residential facility for a year, and we did get to spend Christmas together. By then, he was accepting of his addiction and we also had a wonderful holiday together.

    RM, hugs. I know all difficult child has put you through, and I know it still has to hurt. Great news that easy child/difficult child has a year of sobriety!

    We had a great Christmas here, but I can remember and relate to a lot of the worry and stress many in this Sub Abuse forum face. My difficult child has been drug free for quite a few years now, and will celebrate three years of sobriety in January. Of course, I never take anything for granted, and he still has to do it one day at a time. My hope for the New Year is that he can finally get his license back. It has been 6 years! He's doing everything they've asked, and is active in AA and even runs the Saturday night open talk meetings at the local Alano Club, so my Christmas wish and New Year hope is that they finally give him a chance.

  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hope they give him a chance too Deb.
  10. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I hope so also. -RM
  11. jinger

    jinger Guest

    Nancy...I check in here every so often and was pleased to see your Christmas post. Taking responsibility no matter, how small, is a step in the right direction for your daughter. Her lifestyle may not be what you desire for her, but in her heart, she knows how much you all mean to her and what you have sacrificed over the years.

    A Christmas miracle such as this is certainly a cause for celebration! May 2013 see even more positive action from your daughter. Happy New Year!

    Diane ( AKA Penta)