difficult child admits anxiety to urgent care doctor.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Californiablonde, Nov 13, 2012.

  1. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    So Saturday difficult child 1 started having horrible pains down her side and into her back. I drove her to urgent care to find out what was wrong with her. Her pain was excrutiating. By the time we got to the office, her pain had subsided a bit, but was still there. When the doctor came in she asked difficult child the typical questions. Where pain was located, how long it lasted, when was her last menstrual period, etc. After her questions, the doctor asked for me to step outside while she did an internal exam and urinary analysis since difficult child is a teenager. I stepped outside and waited for her to complete the exam. Finally the doctor came out and asked to speak to me alone. When she pulled me aside, she proceeded to tell me that the exam was normal and she couldn't find anything physically wrong with difficult child. Then she told me that difficult child admitted to her that she was having a lot of stress and anxiety. I asked the doctor to elaborate. She told me that her's and difficult child's conversation was confidencial and she couldn't tell me anything else. She then asked me if difficult child was in any kind of therapy, because she really needed it. I explained that she already sees a therapist. She then told me that she thought difficult child could benefit from some type of yoga or other physical fitness to help relieve some of her worry.

    After we left the office, I asked difficult child to tell me what she is so anxious about. She finally admitted to me that she is having anxiety over school. I asked her why she has never told me that before, especially when I asked her and she had the chance to tell me then. She just shrugged and gave me the infamous "I don't know" answer. So at least I finally got it out of her. She really does have anxiety and it's all school related. So now I finally have something to work with. She leaves me wondering, however, why she didn't come to me with this information on her own? And why didn't she come clean with her therapist either? Or the school psychiatric? What was it about this doctor, whom she has never seen before in her life, that made her feel like she could open up to her? Am I missing something? I thought that her and I had a fairly close relationship where she could tell me just about anything. Am I wrong for feeling hurt? Sometimes I feel like I just don't do enough to support my kids. Where did I go wrong?
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Don't be so hard on yourself.

    Where did YOU go wrong? not necessarily anywhere.

    We have a difficult child with... a handful of significant (but not diagnosed until far too late) challenges, and way MORE problems because 1) things did not get diagnosed, and 2) absolutely everything school did in handling difficult child was absolutely the opposite of what he needed.

    As a result? difficult child told us NOTHING about school. Partly because anything we did to intervene, only made things worse. SCHOOL shut down difficult child.

    She has gone from LRE to extremely restrictive... and it does not fit, is not suitable, and is causing mental health damage. And... the school does not get it.

    Yoga for an anxiety problem that has it's roots in reality? GET REAL. You must solve the real issue. medications won't do it. Force won't do it. Nothing that I know of will do it except... solving the problem. Somehow.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    This is just a thought but I'm asking because q does.this......
    Did she open up to the doctor or did she give her an answer she thought the doctor. wanted to hear? Now she needs to stick to the story? Does she give specific issues? Mean teachers? Hard work? Nervous about friends/ being included? Hopefully her therapist can help you figure it all out.

    by the way you are the one who is giving her the opportunities to let it out so you are doing great. My sister is so grateful that her kids will talk to us sometimes because most kids have times when they don't want to tell mom. You're doing so much for them. Give yourself a break....and a hug for me.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I totally don't want to sound anything but 100% supportive so please don't misread my response. Is it possible that due to your close relationship and her awareness of your anxiety that she "may" have been hesitating about sharing with you...because she loves you so much? That does happen quite often. If so, it is a sign of misguided love for you as opposed to not trusting you. DDD
  5. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I was going to come to say the same thing DDD did.

    Kids protect their parents. They especially do it, when things are stressful at home or a parent has lots of stress otherwise. PCs can be very good at it, difficult children tend to have more trouble and they burst and mess it up but also they often do try.It's not that kids do0n't trust their parents or that a parent has done something wrong, it just seems to be very natural response from kids to assumed stress of their parents and prospect of making it worse. You have all had stressful time lately and there is no way you could hide it from your kids, especially from teen.