difficult child called today....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearthope, Aug 22, 2007.

  1. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    I am so thankful that I was here on this board last night trying to get all the questions I had running thru my head answered.

    My difficult child called today and HE said he wanted to see about going to Canaan Land, before I ever said a word about it.

    God has blessed me so much. I have such a peace about this whole situation now that I have totally let go and given it to God.

    I wanted to share how prayers have been answered yet again.

    I don't know what is in store for my son but, I firmly believe God is dealing with him now. I believe he had to put him where he would be still and quiet to hear him and what he wants for his life.

    I told him if he completed a yr long program I would help him with his own place to live.

    Thanks to the advice last night I knew to turn all decisions over to him. It is his life and he has to decide now what to do.

    Thank you all for your responses on my last post, it gave me the strength to stand strong today.

    P.S. ~ there was a fight at jail yesterday and Corey said I may not be able to visit on sunday.

    But the hard part of the visit was handled on the phone today

  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    And the preacher said, "Amen." Sometimes that letting go and letting God is a tough one to accept. I still struggle with it from time to time. I'm proud of you the way you have handled all of this! Good job, warrior mom!
  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Oh, Traci! I am welling up with tears.

    God's plan in God's time. You have learned well, Grasshopper.
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm glad that this turned out this way. It's so much easier when they make these decisions for themselves.
  5. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I only wish that for my son. He is struggling because he has to go to his probation officer tomorrow. He said mom can you take me I said no - i am a teacher I cant take off from school - why havent you found a way - he said can Dad take me - I said call him - I told him that if he had gone to Turning Point or a treaatment center like he needed to he would not have to worry aabout that - they would take him there pick him up and help him find a job - he didnt say anything - i dont see how living with his friend and his girlfriend is going to work - we keep saying no - he wanted to come home tonight and spend the night so my husband could take him to probation - we said no - this is unnerving. My gut instinct is to take him in but my experience says no - help me know that is right. God is taking care of this too! :angel:
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You are doing much better than I am traci. My Corys phone calls get to me so badly. I keep telling myself that I have no power over what is going to happen to him and that I refuse to be a player in any of it.

    I did talk to his public defender the other day and had an interesting little conversation with her. Of course she couldnt exactly reveal any privileged information from him I could read between the lines. I asked her if I could just tell her some things about him and that was ok by her. I told her his history and she was quite interested...I told her all about his mental health issues dating back to age 4. I told her what I really hoped would happen. She agreed with me that I had a valid wish but stated that she had to push for what HE wanted to happen and that it, of course, differed from what I wanted...lol. She said off the record that I could go talk to the DA as a victim and ask for what I wanted which is placement in a psychiatric treatment facility and then extensive probation where they make sure he follows mental health treatment. She said if he was her son it would be what she asked for after hearing about his issues.

    Cory of course is trying to get me to get him out on the first with his check. He is convinced he has found a bail bondsman who will do this. Now if this guy will do it, I really cant deny him this because it IS his money. He just cant come back here to live. I just doubt the guy will do it for that amount of money so the issue may be moot. Im not adding money to it or putting up any car titles this time.
  7. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dammit Janet</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I keep telling myself that I have no power over what is going to happen to him and that I refuse to be a player in any of it.</div></div>

    ~~~~and then

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Dammit Janet</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
    Cory of course is trying to get me to get him out on the first with his check. He is convinced he has found a bail bondsman who will do this. Now if this guy will do it, I really cant deny him this because it IS his money.</div></div>

    If you bail him out, even if you are using his money to do it, you are officially a player in it. (in the event that his check covers his bail) I don't care which way you twist it, turn it, flip it, fold it, there is nothing that says you HAVE to be inconvenienced by taking his money and bailing his thieving behind out. You should use that money to pay for the collect phone calls that he is racking up.

    So yeah, you CAN deny him. Even if it is his money.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    BBK....for some unknown reason we must be the cheapest place on earth to have inmates. Calls from jail here are only $1.65 each...not per minute...but each. You set up an account and put money in it and withdraw per phone call. Only way I can get calls on my cell.
  9. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    hearthope, I'm hoping the Canaan program works for your son....but (and I'm not trying to be the bearer of bad news) he still has to want the change to come. I'm sure the program will have rules and he can be thrown out if he doesn't comply.....

    So I would encourage him to check out the program but don't try to go selling it and "nudging" him into it or he will blame you if it doesn't work out.....

    On the positive side he found out about it so you haven't shoved it down his throat....It depends on whether he is ready for the changes that he needs to make. A good program can make all the difference, and the people running that program can too. Have you checked out their website? I guess I would be asking the program about their success rate and knowing the recidivism rate would not expect miracles, but I was also surprised they are trying to fund a new airplane for the program.......could all be legitimate, but don't be too starry eyed about finding the miracle program....if it existed it wouldn't need any publicity and it would be full.....
  10. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    good news and God is at work for sure. he always is, it is just that sometimes we actually can see it.
  11. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    Thank goodness HH.

    That's such a good sign that he wants some help. Hopefully it's his idea and not some schmuck telling him "you let that slip away...you fool". But..that's the cynic in me.

    Either way...if he works the program and recovers...what more could one ask for.
  12. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    He called today and set up a phone interview for next thurs for Canaan Land.

    This program was started by a gang member that abused drugs, God changed his life and he has devoted himself to helping others change theirs.

    My wish for my son was for him to go there, HE is the one that suggested it to me, not the other way around.

    I have totally let go of the situation....I gave it to God and his will be done with my son.

    I know this is not a religious site and I have probably overstepped the boundaries, I am sorry if I have but I just wanted to share with you all the prayers I have seen answered and the peace I have about it all.

    My son also has a peace. To hear him on the phone is a blessing. There is no lying, no manipulating, no blaming. There is a geniue remorse not only for this past offense but, for the way he has lived the past 5 yrs.

    He has acknowledged many things that he never would before.

    He asked for a study bible today and I took him one.

    In it I wrote....

    Sometimes God lets us go thru things so that we can better understand what others are going thru so that we might help them.

    "You Are Special" God has a plan for you

    Janet, when will Cory learn that he has to pay for what he does that breaks the law?

    My Corey is waiting for the grand jury that 'may' meet in nov. or dec.

    He is no longer asking me to get him out ~ He knows he did wrong

    Depending on the evidence and the doctor. seeking justice, he may not be charged, it may all be dropped.

    But, if he changes from this experience it will all be worth while and if I went down and got him out, How would that help him?

    You have to let go Janet. Cory has to have enough discomfort to not want to do anything else that would send him to jail. He made the choices he wanted to make, just like my Corey did.

    It was the hardest thing I have done yet to tell my son I won't come get you, you have to stay in jail.

    Regardless of how you feel, regardless of what someone else may say or think, stand up for what is right and he will only respect you for it. He has no respect if he stole money from you.

    What lesson would he learn if you came to get him out? Even it if was his money? I would give his money to his daughter, if he is in jail he is not supporting her.

  13. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Ditto Traci! That is perfect and I agree. I let my son stay in jail when he had enough money to get out. I was afraid of what he would do when he got out. He was not happy but he will survive. He probably had time to think about his life.
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well it may well be a moot point anyway. Bail is more than we thought and there is a surety bond on top of it. The surety bond is because I revoked his previous bond. I am having a real problem with feeling guilty over that one. The only real reason I revoked him was to stop him from stealing my money and so they could serve him with the check warrants. I knew the idiot cops around here would take their sweet time if he wasnt locked up. I KNOW my law enforcement people too well. They are lazy. It can take them months to charge someone and they wont come arrest someone, they will wait till they happen across them in a traffic stop. I wanted to make it happen. I didnt know I was going to make things much harder on him though.

    I dont know...I have so much guilt anyway. I always feel guilty for everything. It doesnt matter what it is...I feel guilty. I can say I wont and that I will be strong but Im not.

    Its best if there is just no way I can help him anyway.
  15. KFld

    KFld New Member

    It sure sounds like he's ready for help. I pray for you and your family that he follows the program and finally gets his life in order. I know the anxiety you are feeling because I have been there. It took my son quite a few times, but he has finally gotten it!!!!
  16. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Janet, you have done everything you could to make Cory make better choices.

    Sometimes they have to experience hard times to make them see that they want more out of life.

    He has to suffer the consequences, how else will he learn to change?

    Cory brought every bit of trouble he is in on himself!!!!!

    You have only tried to help him!!!!

    He stole your checks. After you bonded him out.

    I hope you find peace with this,

    your in my thoughts, Traci