difficult child didn't pay fine and noone knows where he is

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearthope, Feb 12, 2007.

  1. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    I called his PO, he didn't show on fri. She said she was giving him a couple of days before writing a pick up order on him.
    I can not find anyone that has seen him in the last week.

    This is so hard. I am trying to let go but I can't. He is facing jail time now. I know he has made his on choices. He knows he had to pay the fine or go to jail and he is no where to be found.

    Gosh, this just gets harder and harder to deal with!!

    He has been given SO many chances.
    I fear he has left on the run, facing paying 300.00 a mth was too much for him to handle. I have no idea where to even start to try to find him.
    But, what would I do if I did find him? I couldn't make him live right when he was here. I certainly have no control over anything he does.
    I am just venting, sorry if it is all jumbled and makes no sense.
    I just don't know the next step to take and I fear getting back to the depressive state I was in before
     
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    As difficult as it is HH, there really is nothing you can do. Sometimes it's the *nothing* that is so distressing---if we are doing something we think progress might be made---but too often we just have to sit back and wait and watch how things play out.

    You simply must try to keep yourself healthy, mentally and physically, when you are under this kind of strain. If seeing a therapist would help, call one. If medication has helped in the past, call the doctor to get a prescription refilled. I know it is easier said than done sometimes, but you need to do whatever it takes to stay strong.

    Big hugs,

    Suz
     
  3. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Thanks Suz, I feel like I just got the rug pulled out from under me.
    I thought I was dealing with it okay, then when I made the phone call to check with the po it just came crashing down.
    I know there is nothing I can do, I guess that is why this is such a horrible feeling to deal with.
    When he left I knew he had to make his payments, I guess there was a small window of hope that he would do the right thing and now that window is shut and I have to realize that he is choosing to run from his responsibilties.
     
  4. Ally

    Ally New Member

    Im sorry that you cant find your son. Its an awful feeling not knowing where your child is. (((((Hugs)))))

    He is going to have to deal with the consequences of his actions now. There comes a time when it has to happen and its the only way that they will learn. We cant make them do anything they dont want to do.
     
  5. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    pray for him. then let God steer him thru the consequences.

    it is not your fault, you did not cause this.
     
  6. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Not knowing where he is must be very stressful. I can't even imagine. Allowing yourself to get back into your depressive state isn't going to make him change or do him any good. You need to find a way to pull yourself together and do what you need to for your own sake. He is doing this to himself, don't allow him to do it to you also. You have done everything in your power to help him make the right decisions, and he hasn't made any effort.

    Have you gotten to alanon??????
     
  7. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    No I haven't gone to any meetings, the just of my sharing happens here on this board.
    I did see a therapist last yr, but at this time I haven't got an extra 100.00 to pay out for a session.
    I am working through it, I just thought I was futher along than I was. I guess I didn't plan ahead for what would I do if he ran.

    I have had a tremendously long weekend,easy child and I both went to the dr. on fri with flu like virus. We still went to her v-ball matches all weekend, husband and I have been less than pleasent with one another and we were stuck in the car traveling back and forth at night together (we couldn't stay in the city because of our horses)and you add difficult child and not knowing were he is. I am sure I am just run down from it all.

    He knows what will happen if he runs, he must not care if he goes back to jail or in true difficult child fashion he probably thinks he won't get caught this time.
     
  8. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    HH--Let me reiterate KFld's advice---Get to Alanon. It is a great therapy for loved ones of people with addcition issues. You will find so much support and understanding. My son disappeared for several days at Thanksgiving this past year. When he finally showed up, he was ready for help. Hopefully yours will seek help soon. God bless and keep you until he does seek help. It could be a long ride!
     
  9. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    It is out of your hands. Try to detach and just pray for him.
    I know its easier said than done. (((HUGS))) -RM
     
  10. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    You're in My Heart, HH :warrior:

    You may want to steady yourself for a long wait. My experience with the Justice System is a contradiction in terms. My guess is that Law enforcement won't actively seek him out on a p.o. order, they'll wait until he's arrested for some other offense, and then slap the p.o. order on top.

    I say this with no disrespect intended, just to let you know, you may have to sit around with no news for awhile. I'm sorry!

    Peace
     
  11. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    katmom gave great advice. there also is Families Anonymous

    http://www.familiesanonymous.org/

    I have never been to a meeting, however, I heard it is very helpful. Check out the website, maybe there are meetings in your area.
     
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