difficult child has a job...and a share

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by AmericanGirl, Jul 12, 2012.

  1. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    You know those people who call your house from the police fund? Well difficult child will be one of them starting Sunday. It's only part time and he knows he needs another part time position.

    Funny but he could do great at this....his manipulation skills are legendary.

    Got a lovely email back from the sober house manager. He and I are on the same page.

    Finally, just sharing something I wrote this week....

    [h=6]Yesterday, I watched my beloved son stand before a judge for the sixth time this year.

    Normally, difficult events often get easier to navigate the more we experience them. This is not the case when your child is an addict. The pain just gets deeper. It's like an enormous, dark grey, weeping pile of garbage in your heart. It emits odors which cause you to retch. It contains deep, black holes which frighten you to your very core. So, you close that door and try to go on with your life as best you can. You remind yourself, "I didn't create it, I didn't cause it and I can't cure it." Still, you hold out hope. Hope that the child you knew before addiction took them hostage will finally be released back into your loving arms. Or I did until yesterday.

    I hoped that my son, who has proven his intellect, creativity, humor and heart, would begin to choose wisely again. I hoped he would see his value in this world and use the many gifts his creator bestowed upon him.

    I realized I can no longer harbor hope for him. You see, a hope is like a wish. If I wish, then I am not detached. I must stay detached from him in order to keep my serenity and sanity. That's the cruelest part of addiction for a mother. You must completely detach from this person you gave life to in order to save yourself.

    Hope is, however, not missing from my life. I have great hope for myself. I see a brighter future for me, one without the consistent worry about my son's next poor decision.

    What's required of me? To firmly keep my focus on God. To listen carefully to His guidance. To work my program through meetings, reading and outreach. To refuse to allow myself to isolate. To repeatedly ask myself, "What do you need?" and then to take care of myself.

    What about my relationship with my son? I will continue to love him. He needs my love now more than ever. I will relax and enjoy the good moments with him when they come. I will draw appropriate boundaries where they are needed.

    I remind myself that he CHOSE this life and to deny him the opportunity of experiencing the consequences of his actions is wrong. He needs growth. For addicts, growth often comes only after extreme pain. It is pain with a purpose.

    Today, I pray for my son, and for all addicts and their families. I pray that they will find the serenity that is available to all of us if we want it.
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Beautiful, poignant, truthful, sad and hopeful all at the same time, thank you.
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    AG when I first read about hope on your post the other day it really made a bug impact on me. With your permission I would like to share your comments on hope in my parents meeting when it's my turn to come up with a topic because it so encompasses everything I feel. I would just say it was written by a friend of mine as she works through her son's addiction.

    I'm pretty much at the same point you are but you got there much earlier than I did and I am grateful you are here to help us through it.

  4. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    As I read your posts, AG, I realize your experiences could have legitimately embittered you. Somehow, day by day, and with God's grace, you're not bitter, you're better. You're a great mom, a strong woman, and a valuable friend to this board. It's incredible how you've turned what may be perceived as a miserable experience into an opportunity for genuine growth in your life, and have retained your sense of humor, too! It's much easier said than done, but you're doing it.
    I'm glad your son got a job, and I would be so happy if he works his program like you work yours.
  5. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Thank you all for the kind words. I've spent hours reading the old posts on this board. There's a ton of wisdom here along with the tears.

    Nancy, I've be honored for you to share any thoughts. If anyone can get any good out of my experiences, that makes me happy.
  6. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    You just made me cry. This touched my heart so very much this morning. Thank you.
  7. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I shared on my Facebook page - didn't say who wrote it - but I have many friends on facebook dealing with the same nightmare that we are. I am hoping it touches them the way this touched me this morning. Love you AG!
  8. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    AG, Thank you, I so needed to hear that today. It is beatifully said. May I also use it at FA for my lesson next month?
    I am glad difficult child has a job. ((Hugs)) your way. Did you know that real hugs actually release endorphans into the brain just like drug use? We all need hug therapy!
  9. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Exhausted....we all need tons of hugs to counteract the stress from our difficult children. You are most welcome to use my writings - good, bad and/or ugly...cause I've done all there. Love this forum!
  10. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    AG- I am so touched by your posts. And I typed out a LONG response on my iphone that apparently never made it to the thread.

    You've touched my SOUL with this post.

    I miss having hope in/for my son. The times I have cried the hardest is when I have felt the loss of hope so keenly. Even now, the tears are spilling just by thinking of it.

    Even now, the hope for his joy and success and his health has been pushed aside with a fervent hope for a bottom that does the job without leaving too many scars. Pathetic. That baby whom I held and loved and promised the WORLD - and now my greatest hope is for him to hit bottom.

    You inspire me, you awe me, you touch me with your strength.

    Thank you