difficult child is just being a brat lately

[cubsgirl]

The things that he comes up with - UGH.

Yesterday I found out both kids are doing well in school, etc, and they have been behaving at home (stupid me for saying that out loud). I posted on facebook that I was proud of my kids and tagged them in the post since they are both on FB. The next thing I know, difficult child has posted a nasty comment below it that I was invading his privacy. Okay. So I went into his bedroom to see what was up because he normally loves the attention and he is on the phone with the police telling them I invaded his privacy by posting his name to FB

Of course the police did nothing and I apologized profusely for the call. Thankfully he did not call 911, he looked up their local number. I took away his cell phone for the evening.

Both kids were supposed to do laundry yesterday and I asked difficult child to help easy child carry the baskets down to the laundry room since she cannot carry both baskets herself. easy child usually does all of the kids laundry. difficult child did carry the baskets down but when he came back up he started researching child services. He said he was going to turn me into child services since I made him lose his free time. :difficult child:

Next, he asked me if he could go live at a hospital (he named the local one) because they have TV's and phones available.

OMG- he wore me out yesterday. I emailed his teacher to let her know what happened in the event he wanted to call child services from school. He told me he was going to get me out of the house because I asked him to do chores.

 

[keista]

OMW! I so can't stop

On the bright side, he is *trying* to find some *logical* way out of working. That's using his noodle!

 

[susiestar]

You are going to act firmly and swiftly on this. DO NOT BLUFF. When Wiz was little we lived in Cincy and there were a HUGE number of kids reporting parents to children's protection and getting what they wanted - parents order to do truly stupid stuff that cps can't actually order.

I told my kids, ALL of them, that if they dialed the # for CPS, and they could at ANY time, that they had better pack a bag of a few outfits because they would be leaving with the CPS rep. I would NOT tolerate that kind of sward being held over my head and if they thought that the normal parental discipline, chores, etc... was outrageous, they could go live in a foster home or orphanage and not be part of our family. BUT not being part of our family meant that they lost ALL family members, incl gma and gpa that showered esp Wiz with toys and gifts. He would get NO contact if he called cps on us - and NONE of the boxes of stuff that she sent weekly. (One of our big entitlement issues wth Wiz was that my mom sent almost weekly boxes crammed with stuff and most of it was for him every time, even after we had 2 more kids.)

in my opinion it is tme to make the consequence for calling police/cps WAY too high.

Take away computer and cell phone/ipod access (if his ipod goes online). If he is inappropriate online or about online thngs, take away internet access at school. School will whine like a baby, been there done that, but they CAN do it. Our school shut up on the whining about how teachers couldn't teach with-o the kids going online by asking how the teachers got educated - no computers then, and also by asking why, if computers and internet access were SOOOOOO important, the students didn't have a computer to use in each classroom? They hated me that year, but they did what I insisted because I would not back down and I called them on every sngle thing. Why they wanted the kid who got through the firewall to porn using his teacher's password (that she admitted giving him) to be online ever again, I have no clue.

If you let ANY of his cps/police/whatever shenanigans go on with-o making it very clear that it is NOT going to happen with-o the removal of ALL that he likes, he will do this to you for hte rest of your life. NOt just his childhood. Be very specific about medical records, etc.... In some states a child as young as 14 can keep the parents from seeng ANY medical record incl surgery, mental health, everything. Some states it is just mental health. It varies from state to state.

My children know that as long as they live in my home, I will see their medical/therapy/school/whatever records any time I see fit. If it requires their permission, they will give it without ANY hesitation or I will make their lives a living hades. They know that I am DEAD SERIOUS and will not tolerate even a TINY big of rebellion on this issue.

I know many parents who have been held over a barrel by their kids. Refuse to allow it. Even if the law says they can withhold records, you can withhold a LOT more - like food they like, access to the internet, phones, computers, music, you can reduce their wardrobe to one pr of ugly shoes and 7 outfits that they despise.

Parents forget and/or give away our power because we want to be liked. our children are not our friends. Friends are a dime a dozen in a kids life - they come and go like farts in a hurricane. Parents? you get one set, maybe 2 if you are lucky. We are older, better planners, more experienced and if we put a smidge of effort into it, far more devious.

For now? No computer, no phone of any kind, no video games no screens. Not at home for now. Keep them away for a week or two. Let him fully realize how tiny his world will be if he keeps calling the police, cps, etc..... DO NOT BLUFF OR GIVE IN EARLY.

This may seem annoying now, and embarrassing, but just wait until he gets the social worker who sees he has called ten times, well surely SOMETHING is going on that is bad for that boy!!!!!! Time to go and make those parents be nice!!!

Yes, it is stupid and a waste of the little time a social worker has. But it will happen nonetheless.

by the way, Wiz is almost 20, has not lived with us for 6 years, and I am STILL on ALL of his medical forms, school forms, etc.... as a person allowed to see them and someone the docs can speak to about him. Even the stuff for his college classes. To date I think he is still afraid of what would happen if he tried to buck me on that - not that I go snooping.

 

[ksm]

I told my kids, ALL of them, that if they dialed the # for CPS, and they could at ANY time, that they had better pack a bag of a few outfits because they would be leaving with the CPS rep. I would NOT tolerate that kind of sward being held over my head and if they thought that the normal parental discipline, chores, etc... was outrageous, they could go live in a foster home or orphanage and not be part of our family. BUT not being part of our.

I get those kind of threats from our difficult child often. I don't think she has actually dialed the phone or looked up numbers. But sometimes when we tell her she has to stay in her room til she calms down (and husband stands in the hall so she can't escape) she says she is going to call the police for us restraining her against her will... And when she doesn't like the meal... we are obligated to feed her. I tell her as long as there is bread and peanut butter in the house - they know we aren't starving her. We get that threat when the meal isn't something she likes. Or it is leftovers and she doesn't want it again, even if she likes it.

If it gets worse, I will clean out her closet and leave her 7 outfits, 2 pair of shoes and a coat if it is winter. I am so tired of her screaming that we may be her "legal parents" but we will never be her real parents. That we don't deserve to be called grandma and grandpa. I hate those days when she goes there... When we are the reason for every bad thing that has ever happened to her. She forgets all the sacrifices we have made. I guess that means we are "real parents" KS

 

[slsh]

Yep - anytime thank you wanted to call DCFS, he was more than welcome to. His complaints were along the same line. Call away, honey - be my guest. The one time he actually looked like he was going to follow thru (I believe because I told him I wouldn't fix lunch until after we got the basement cleaned up, ergo I was "starving" him), I casually mentioned that since *I* was the one with- the bite marks and bruises, and he obviously wasn't starving to death, he kinda might want to rethink the call. He decided against calling, LOL.

I didn't punish for threats to call DCFS - we'd already dealt with- them once, and heaven knows we had documentation for miles about thank you's issues, treatment, etc. Dealing with- them again didn't worry me a bit. Once he realized that his DCFS threats had zero effect on me, he moved on to something else.

 

[susiestar]

Wiz was a good enough liar that he might have been believed. He had already convinced the school that I made him stand outside all night in his underwear in a snowstorm. They actually called me in, and felt really stupid when I asked where his frostbite was? Where were the signs of exposure? Which toes were going to be cut off due to the frostbite? If I hadn't lived three blocks from school, they problem would have called CPS before I got there, and we were just beginning the rounds of tdocs and were still trying to get in to see a psychiatrist.

My parents told me the same thing I told Wiz and J and thank you. Feel free to call, but be ready to leave when they get here, cause you are not living here and calling them in. If we are that bad to you, you are welcome to go. The door isn't locked from the inside.

 

[buddy]

RE: "I casually mI casually mentioned that since *I* was the one with- the bite marks and bruises, and he obviously wasn't starving to death, he kinda might want to rethink the callentioned that since *I* was the one with- the bite marks and bruises, and he obviously wasn't starving to death, he kinda might want to rethink the call"

been there done that! Just last week in fact. He smashed his head into me while he was being restrained for kicking, hitting, spitting (that is the worst for me!), etc. He had a cold and has had bloody noses on and off all week. His nose started to bleed and it was awful....I put a plastic bag under the cloth he was using and a puddle filled in the bag. he has bled through pillows before, it looks dramatic but dr. says it looks worse than it is. I think he was shocked that there could be so much blood (it looked like more because it was mixed with other fluids from the cold)....He said I was going to jail, it was my fault, etc. No sense of cause and effect at all. I reminded him I was the one with a huge lump on my head, scratches and bruises all over my body so hope he likes the little room they will put him in...(he saw one of those scared straight shows, hee hee)....I reminded him of the plops of food the kids had to eat. And certainly no NASCAR to watch every day.
One teacher, not his teacher, believed him when he said my mom scratched me...this was in 4th grade. CPS called and said they wanted to come and see us a week from then, I said no, come NOW! feel free. I have people in my home every single day and I leave my windows open and door unlocked during the day so anyone can walk in...and I tell them to if they are concerned. I have lived in these townhomes for 5 years and people have been mostly wonderful to us, so they know. I did scratch him...but it was when he pulled his arm out of my hands and it was a little scratch..nothing like when he digs his claws into me. I wish, even though I get it that as teachers we are mandated reporters, I wish that they would not give any attention to the child during that process...he totally loved the attention and from then started going to our window and yelling (even if I was upstairs in the bathroom) my mom is hitting me! etc. Funny thing is , he got a big bump from the school during a hold the next week...I asked them if I should call cps on them too???? CPS guy asked if I had services and I gave him the list. He laughed after talking to difficult child the story changed a million times. I had our psychologist come and join us at our home during the meeting. He just said it would be dropped. I have never heard from them again.