difficult child is now in protective custody

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by rejectedmom, Apr 8, 2007.

  1. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    husband went to see difficult child yesterday for his monthly visit. As you may remember that is all we are allowed since difficult child unscrewed two screws from a vent cover. Anyway husband was told that difficult child is now in "protective custody". Evedently he isn't getting along with the other inmates on the displinary wing and has had threats made against him. He couldn't give us any details as the other prisoners were within earshot so he said he will write us with specifics.

    I'm not sure I even want to know! When will difficult child learn to keep his mouth shut and stay out of controveries? I am feeling kinda low and am having a hard time holding onto hope for my son.

    I am consciosly pushing thoughts of him away. I am afraid that he will be badly hurt or worse before I can even get him into any program that might actually help him. MH has put him on a waiting list for a group home. unfortunately it could take months.

    difficult child had more seziures and the prison is experimenting with other drugs. They are now taking difficult child off the mood stablizer and trying lithium. I think they are grasping at straws. difficult child isn't BiPolar (BP). He is BMR and adhd and ED he has abandonment issues and is obsessive and defiant and implsive but not BiPolar (BP). He is probably autistic but they won't do a neuro-psychiatric. I've been saying the serinity prayer alot lately. I don't feel strong. I am feeling low probably partly due to the surgery and the restrictions on me. I'm having a hard time shaking it though. This newest bit of news from my difficult child has me worried again. Please pray for my son. -RM
  2. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    I'm so sorry. It must very difficult along with trying to recover from surgery. I can understand having to push thoughts of him out of your mind. You both are in my thoughts.

    (((gentle hugs)))
  3. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I am so sorry RM. It is devatating to know you are helpless.
  4. MeadowLark

    MeadowLark New Member

    I'm praying for you. I'm sorry so much is going wrong.
    Somehow, we'll all get thru this stage of life and hopefully somewhere find success.
    MeadowLark.. headed back to court tomorrow.
  5. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    RM, I know you paint. Are you able to begin a painting to help you express some of what this feels like?

    Or has the surgery made even that impossible?

    The Serenity Prayer is good. There was a time when I was fixated on the horrible things that might be happening to our difficult child. I found it necessary not only to stop the thought or the imagery once I realized I was thinking like that again, but to replace it with positive imagery. I knew the positive imagery was probably not true ~ but I was powerless to change whatever the situation was for my son and when I kept replacing those negative images with positive ones, IT WORKED. Although I still knew what the situation was really, I FELT stronger.

    When we are powerless to change anything, our job is to make ourselves strong enough to survive it.

    I was worried about starvation, so I created imagery of my son's face over a bowl of steaming pasta.

    I was worried sick about him being beaten. The counterimagery there was of him happy and strong and walking in the sunshine without a care in the world.

    I am not saying that we should pretend these things are true, or that we should make any judgment about them at all. This imagery was a tool of survival for me.

    Because sometimes, it literally does feel like we are not going to make it.

    Sending you strength and faith, RM.

    I am sorry, so sorry, this is happening ~ to you, or to any of us.

  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    All I can do it send more sympathetic and caring prayers your way
    as you struggle with all the issues. It is so painful. DDD
  7. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Dazed, I think because it is a holiday it is harder on me. I am trying to prge my thoughts so I can have a nice time at my daughter's later today.
    Thank you all for your kindness.

    Katmom, I can accept not being able to change things but I cannot stop my fear for my difficult child.

    Medowlark, Thank you for your kind words. I hope Court goes well for you tomorrow Please keep us updated.

    Barbara, I will try the imagery thing. I will picture a nice future for difficult child. I cannot paint yet but I might be able to do some small crafting type things. I want to do a window painting in my bathroom so maybe I can start planning that this week. i am going to do it in a modular format so i might be able to actually start that. I will also be busy with Therapy three days this week and a doctor's visit in between. It is hardest when I am alone which is a conciderable amount of time. If the weather is nice maybe I will sit outside and read. i still have a book and a half left from my last purchase.

    DDD, I thank you for your prayers and support. We parents do suffer so much. Like Barb said earlier, I too wish none of us had to. -RM
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Sending many warm and gentle (((hugs))) and saying prayers.
  9. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    Thinking of you RM and sending cyber hugs and support. A difficult child in a place with no or limited supports is very distressing. Is there anyway your difficult child can be sent to a state psychiatric hospital for evaluation and treatment?
  10. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Daisylover and Nomad, Thank you for the prayers. I trully believe in the power of prayer.

    I had a very nice evening with my family at my daughter's house. husband's father was having a reasonably good day so husband brought him to dinner. he did well for about two hours aand then had to be taken back to the home before dessert but still it was nice to be able to take him out. The grandchildren were on a sugar high all day but they were good. Just a bit rambunctious. dinner was excelent sister in law cooked the ham my and Daughter took a shortcut and bought Birdseye sweet potato casserole with walnuts and I have to say it was delicious. -RM
  11. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    hi there you long term survivor you.
    your son will probably be released from prison before they put him into a MH program. I know here there just is not a bit of room for them. so, the jails make do. they hold the people in the least restrictive environment but when the people display a need, they lose more and more freedom.

    meanwhile here we are. not what we want at all. after so long with ant, and his troubles...I am worn out and for the purpose of self protection mentally...I had to withdraw even further.

    I do not see him, he does not call, not even yesterday for Easter. I will not call him.

    I pray for our sons that they are helped, cured, made whole. I ask that God intervene and help them save themselves from themselves. I ask that God send those in charge of our kids compassion and care. May the guards around your son not be hardened. May those who come across ant in the world he walks thru...may they be angels to assist him. I can do no more.

    Take a break from it. time and distance. get further from the emotion of it for your own preservation. you can do nothing for your son at this point but pray for him and love him. God is able.
  12. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I'm glad to hear you were able to enjoy the holiday. Sending caring hugs your way ((((((hugs))))))).
  13. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Janet, Thank you for the beautiful prayer. you are right I can only do what I can do and the rest is up to difficult child and God. I too hope that both Ant and my son find their way soon. I am sorry you were ignored by Ant for Easter. I got a letter recently from my difficult child saying that I had disappointed him because I didn't write.
    It is always about them and what the world and the people in it do to them never about how they can do for others and themselves.

    Karen, Thanks for the hugs.

  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry. Adding in my prayers :angel:Sending gentle hugs your way.