difficult child's difficult child moment

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearts and roses, Jun 4, 2012.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Just when I thought difficult child was well on her way to becoming a easy child she does something so difficult child-ish that I suffer from PTSD from a simple email.

    difficult child's car died. She had bought an old jeep and got herself into an impossible loan at 21.9% - yeah, that's not a typo!!! Then the jeep dies and so she went looking for another smallish suv type of car and chose the Nissan Rogue. Her boyfriend, E, I've sadly discovered is so darned nice that he won't interfere in any of her hairbrain schemes OR he just as difficult child-ish (which we knew already. We love him, but he's a difficult child too). So when she signed on the dotted line for this Rogue, the dealer was in a rush to have the papers signed by May 31st and kept telling her the faster we take care of the paperwork, the faster you'll be in your new car. Ugh......So, difficult child got approved for some of the money but not all of it - they originally said she would have to put down $500. Five hundred dollars would have been easier to come up with, but when she went to pick up the car, they said, "Oh we weren't able to get the tax and reggie charges wrapped up into your loan, so you need to come up with $1500"!!!! That was on Thurs and they gave difficult child till today to do so.

    I just put down a deposit on her reception for next year. I have my own bills and obligations. I wouldn't co-sign the loan for her (from experience I knew that would have been a bad move for ME) and I didn't have money to loan her. I told her to go in with the $500 and tell them you'll pay them that weekly for two more weeks. At this point, the car has been registered in her name...it's her car. I'm certain the dealer would have had to just suck it up considering they were in the big rush to have the deal closed by May 31st so their books looked better for the month (I know how car dealers work).

    H has no money as he's pouring money into the upper addition so we can move up there and refinish the main level by end of summer. That's that long story about mother in law and the probate. We are in the process of getting the house into our name and will likely need to take out a mortgage and we cannot risk our credit for difficult child at this time.

    So, what does difficult child do? She impulsively calls her aunt (from NY on her father's side) and asks to borrow some money!! Guess how much??? $1000. First, difficult child and her boyfriend are living with his parents and barely have a pot to **** in...how the heck are they going to be able to pay that money back?????? I'm so furious with her for doing this for so many reasons. Second, I no longer am in contact with this aunt because she uses every opportunity to put me down, disapprove of my now grown daughters, my re-marriage, everything. She's bitter and I cut ties with her last year for good. easy child and difficult child don't even like her very much because of derogatory things she says about me and H in their presence. Third, she's the type to lord this over difficult child forever now and even lord it over exh and me. And fourth, this is the aunt who I KNOW will be a giant pain in the butt as we get closer to difficult child's wedding...she will try and butt in and take over the shower, etc., so it's "done the right way, our way". Ugh.

    And the kicker?? She wants me to leave my work for three hours today to drive and hour and a half away to meet up with aunt's daughter to collect the money...as if.

    I know I've got to let this go - this is difficult child's stuff, not mine, but I am just so damned furious I am seeing
  2. keista

    keista New Member


    You're not driving down to NY, are you?
  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh my - I hear you on this one!!! My difficult child does stupid things sometimes, too. Similarly difficult child had her Gma on her Dad's side buy her a matress on Gma's credit card....these things always go bad.

    Sigh...let her figure it out. Do not go pick it up. She should make other arrangements for picking it up.

    I hear you.....PTSD!!!!
  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Heck NO!
  5. keista

    keista New Member

    :bravo::bravo::bravo: Bravo! That's all that matters.

    I seriously couldn't stop thinking about why she's getting such a big car. That age/stage of my life, it was compact all the way.
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Her fiance has two young boys and this car is their sole mode of transportation.
  7. keista

    keista New Member

    Yup, the world of difficult children where the answer to one question only leads to a hundred more. Like.... why isn't finance buying a car? If he doesn't/can't drive, that doesn't mean he can't own a car.

    Yeah, this is where the PTSD comes in, so I'll just shut up and send you a ((((HUG))))
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I swear, my body and mind are just thrumming. It's been so long since difficult child was so difficult child-ish that it's flipping me out a little. This type of behavior is the ONLY reasons H and I have reservations about her and fiance's wedding expense (reception).

    Thanks for the hugs, Keista.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thats a high interest rate. Why doesnt difficult child just tell auntie that can be her present for her wedding...lol. I think that is what I would have done. Pleaded with her for a gift of the money as a wedding gift.
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    A thousand dollars is quite a hefty wedding gift, no? It may come to that anyway, because I can visualize difficult child/E paying a little here and there and then not paying. H is angry but he he keeps telling me to let it go because he agrees that her aunt shouldn't have lent the money...and will soon find out why it was a bad idea. "they are all adults, let them do what they want" is what he is saying. I know and I agree with what he's saying, but I'm just so angry I could spit nails. difficult child and E were supposed to come by here tonight but I imagine they won't. Good.
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    If dear lil ol' auntie is dumb enough to loan 1000 bucks to a difficult child, then she deserves whatever natural consequences befall upon her. And I know I wouldn't hesitate to tell her so if she ever decided to bring the matter up to ME.

    A true difficult child moment. I hope to heaven she got a MUCH better interest rate than last time. OMG! :faint:
  12. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Hahaha, that is what H said to me last night. "Good, let auntie loan her the money and see what we live with!" then he bellowed a big fat belly laugh (H is not fat at all), lol.

    The new interest rate is 7.5% but who knows if that is the truth?
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hope its that low. If it is, thats great. Yes I think that will be a wedding gift...lol. People should know not to loan kids any money they cant afford to give as a gift. That is a rule with my kids. I may "say" to them that I want them to pay it back but I really have no expectations that they will. I give it with full knowledge that I pretty much know its a gift.
  14. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I gently ripped into difficult child last night when she stopped by to drop off easy child's car. I reminded her in what order she said her priorities are at this time. Moving out of future mother in law's house, get into a reasonably priced car she can actually afford, save money for wedding expenses... I even went where I swore I wouldn't go. I reminded her that her dad used to always borrow money from auntie's H and never paid it back - does she want to be a chip off the old block? She said, "I KNOW, MOM. Believe me, I didn't want to ask". Well then she shouldn't have and that is what I said. Then I let it go.

    So this morning she sent me an email complaining about future mother in law opening E's mail and keeping it from him for 3 weeks, blah blah blah...It was difficult, but I managed to remain neutral and put it back on her - if you don't like it there, get your finances in order and find your own place. Stupid twits.