Last week my husband told me he didn't want a funeral, no church service, just have him cremated, short service at cemetary and that's it. He said it was too sad and was unnecessary. I didn't say anything at the time but after attending my neighbor's brother's funeral this week I finally asked him to reconsider what that would do to his daughters, especially easy child who is very close to him and will have a difficult time as it is. I explained that funerals are not for the dead, they are for the living so that there can be some closure and they can be comforted in their grief. I told him I thought he would want his family to hold whatever service they thought would give them peace at that difficult time.
Now today I got call form my sister who had been at Dad's today and she reported he did not want our other sister's name in the obit, nor her kids. She was prepared to honor those wishes, I was not. So I called Dad and had the most difficult conversation about his funeral, he's 88 and let's face it that time could come anytime. I explained that I was very uncomfortable leaving out his firstborn and although they have been estranged for many years, I do not want to be in the position of denying that she is my sister. I would rather he be the bigger person and not give her a reason for her estrangement from the family. His family did things like that all the time, left out family members' names they were mad at when they died and I didn't want to repeat that cycle. He finally agreed that we could include her name.
How has anyone else dealt with this subject, have you honored funeral wishes that made you uncomfortable and that in your heart you knew where going to cause hurt feelings?
Nancy
Now today I got call form my sister who had been at Dad's today and she reported he did not want our other sister's name in the obit, nor her kids. She was prepared to honor those wishes, I was not. So I called Dad and had the most difficult conversation about his funeral, he's 88 and let's face it that time could come anytime. I explained that I was very uncomfortable leaving out his firstborn and although they have been estranged for many years, I do not want to be in the position of denying that she is my sister. I would rather he be the bigger person and not give her a reason for her estrangement from the family. His family did things like that all the time, left out family members' names they were mad at when they died and I didn't want to repeat that cycle. He finally agreed that we could include her name.
How has anyone else dealt with this subject, have you honored funeral wishes that made you uncomfortable and that in your heart you knew where going to cause hurt feelings?
Nancy