Glad I came across this comfy place that I visited daily for so long during the years of hell that I went through with my oldest son my difficult child as I called him then not feeling that so much now. I honestly want to disown him and never have contact with him again to protect my sanity and my daughters well being. A brief history at age 11 I heard consistently F@^$% YOU make me and had to lock myself in my room while sleeping because he wanted me dead and hid knives between his mattress and box spring. At age 12-15, I battled CPS (child protective services) and the Courts to take custody, I filed a chins petition it took forever. In order for him to get services he had to be a mandated child. He spent 10 months with a wonderful foster family that specialized with defiant children until they said we cant anymore. These were great people I still to this day chat with her. Age 16 he went to a residential wilderness program, which I also highly praise they really did a lot for him. He was there for 19 months. He actually came back home after that, graduated high school, started college even, was respectful (you wouldnt believe it was the same child). Well then that magic 18 hit and he knew everything started back using drugs, lying, stealing you name it. There was an instance that I called the police because he wouldnt leave my house, he pushed me, I threw my coffee on him and he had me arrested. When he was 22, it came to my attention that he made sexual advances to his younger brother who was 8-9 ish at the time but at the present was 17. I also have a little girl, that he later sexually assaulted she was about three at the time. I had protective orders against him, tried getting charges filed but the detective told me that unless he confessed, they couldnt do anything because my daughter was too young to articulate what happened to her (she talked about bubby smacking her peepee). I did drive 1 ½ hours to speck with his employer he was a personal assistant to a family which he cared for 4 young children. They couldnt get me out of their house quick enough. Fast forward 2 years he is in jail is anyone shocked ? 11 felony counts all relating to sexual assaults against children (yes the ones he was caring for). Last month he pleaded guilty to 6 counts of aggravated sexual battery against a child under the age of 13 sentencing is scheduled this month he will be getting 120 years, 110 suspended, 70 years probation, sex offender register, no unsupervised contact with children. I was writing him in jail and visiting, even put some money on his account. I wrote him after his trial and explained that I do not have an obligation to send him money for his snacks and that I would only send for his birthday and Christmas. I got a really nasty letter back doesnt want me to come to sentencing, doesnt want me to come see him, doesnt want me to write, and asked me if I was happy now because I got what I wanted he was gonna be locked up for a while. I have not responded to his letter and he has since written the Im sorry letter. I dont plan writing him or visiting him in jail. I have had enough. I am going to his sentencing hearing but because I need to hear that for me even though its not for my daughter its still justice in a way. I will hear that he wont be a threat to any children for at least 10 years. To the present so I want to disown him I have two house, some savings that I do not want to leave any portion to him. I want everything to go to my other two children. I dont want to explain him to anyone I want to when asked how many kids do you have to say just two. I have been in counseling since he was first arrested in May 2012 I initially went to help me set limits and not allow him to manipulate me. I think its a sound decision but still feeling that dreaded guilt and ask did I do enough to try and help him. Any thoughts ?