Z
zba189
Guest
My difficult child is doing well for the most part but we had a very minor incident this AM that if he did it is a red flag that he is struggling and I need to address it quickly before it escalates into something else. The problem is I'm not sure if he did it or not.
Here's the background. Maybe you can help me come up with a way to get the truth out of him.
Last night we had a very heavy rain storm. We have a side door in our garage that if it rains hard enough some water with run through the underside of the door. Off to the right of that door, is a box filled with some clothes that I was going to donate. The bottom of the box is now soaked with water, enough that it would have taken quite a bit to soak it. The contents of the box are wet on the bottom but not on the top. Water would have had to come in from the floor. Seems simple right?
The issue is that there is no water any where else near the box in near the door frame and that is one of difficult child's favorite red flags. It goes something like, "Hey guys I'm angry I'm going to flood something and then wait for you to notice". "If you get mad at me, I'm going to do something else and keep raising the stakes but I'm not going to talk about what my real problem is". "If you don't notice, I'm going to do something else until you do". Such a fun game to play.
So this AM, I asked him. Did you pour water out into the garage in the box. I got Yes I did it. With a drinking glass last night. His temper flared and we got a mini meltdown. However, he told my easy child (while I was not in the car) that he didn't do it and that he was going to just take the blame anyways so he would have something to be angry about . easy child told me this in front of difficult child. difficult child did not deny saying this to easy child. I told difficult child, it doesn't make sense to lie about something that you didn't do and either way I wasn't going to be mad. I told him that if he did it, it meant that something was bothering him and I would like to help him. If he didn't do it, why would he want to be angry with himself over something that didn't happen. This is when I got, "I didn't do it Mom, I lied". His logic confounds me.
So now, I'm not sure what the truth is and what is a lie. Like I said, the whole water in the box thing is not a big deal. It's the fact that if he did do it, I need to figure out what is really bothering him before I have a lot of other "accidents" that become a huge problem.
I sent him off to school with a discussion of truth and lies and he claims that he lied about doing the deed but he didn't actually do it. Should I pursue this further, let my husband deal with it, or let it go knowing that if he did do it we are in for something else very soon.
Here's the background. Maybe you can help me come up with a way to get the truth out of him.
Last night we had a very heavy rain storm. We have a side door in our garage that if it rains hard enough some water with run through the underside of the door. Off to the right of that door, is a box filled with some clothes that I was going to donate. The bottom of the box is now soaked with water, enough that it would have taken quite a bit to soak it. The contents of the box are wet on the bottom but not on the top. Water would have had to come in from the floor. Seems simple right?
The issue is that there is no water any where else near the box in near the door frame and that is one of difficult child's favorite red flags. It goes something like, "Hey guys I'm angry I'm going to flood something and then wait for you to notice". "If you get mad at me, I'm going to do something else and keep raising the stakes but I'm not going to talk about what my real problem is". "If you don't notice, I'm going to do something else until you do". Such a fun game to play.
So this AM, I asked him. Did you pour water out into the garage in the box. I got Yes I did it. With a drinking glass last night. His temper flared and we got a mini meltdown. However, he told my easy child (while I was not in the car) that he didn't do it and that he was going to just take the blame anyways so he would have something to be angry about . easy child told me this in front of difficult child. difficult child did not deny saying this to easy child. I told difficult child, it doesn't make sense to lie about something that you didn't do and either way I wasn't going to be mad. I told him that if he did it, it meant that something was bothering him and I would like to help him. If he didn't do it, why would he want to be angry with himself over something that didn't happen. This is when I got, "I didn't do it Mom, I lied". His logic confounds me.
So now, I'm not sure what the truth is and what is a lie. Like I said, the whole water in the box thing is not a big deal. It's the fact that if he did do it, I need to figure out what is really bothering him before I have a lot of other "accidents" that become a huge problem.
I sent him off to school with a discussion of truth and lies and he claims that he lied about doing the deed but he didn't actually do it. Should I pursue this further, let my husband deal with it, or let it go knowing that if he did do it we are in for something else very soon.