Ebb & Flow Update

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by HeadlightsMom, Nov 3, 2014.

  1. HeadlightsMom

    HeadlightsMom Well-Known Member

    Just a little update.... Things continue fairly well here with difficult child, but I do notice some changes. Some good (The Flow), some less good (The Ebb)

    Flow --- difficult child still has his job (though it was questionable if he'd keep it days ago). Proud of him for rebounding and working through it with his workplace manager. In general, he continues to treat us fairly well. No outward signs of drug use (we remain alert, though) and no sign of theft (not a problem.......we got a bigger lockbox just in case! LOL!)

    Ebb --- As we haven't spent this much time with difficult child in years, it's a little too easy (for him and for us) to slide back into old patterns. As I noticed this, sat him down and said exactly that. He said he understood. Mostly, I think he does. However, I do note him beginning to take us for granted a little. Not rudely, but just assuming we'll always be home with nothing else to do than to help him out. Uh.....no. We have jobs, lives, etc., too. I am off work today, though (I sub) and he wanted me to do something for him. As this is my day off, I drew the line in the sand and said, "No, not today. Today is my day of rest." Maybe tomorrow.

    Lastly, it is astounding to discover how many genuine gaps he has in how "clean living" works. As some of his issues are bigger than we (the parents) are, I did a little research for whom to hand the baton to to assist him in finding housing and medical/mental health options. SCORED on finding a great agency I'd never even heard of until last week! Took him down there, helped him fill out paperwork and explain certain words/concepts, then advised him I was handing him and the agency the baton. He is an adult and needs to do this himself (in tandem with assistance). That's how the rest of us adults do it, that's how he needs to learn how to do it. Will see how it goes...........knock wood.

    But, on the fun side, husband and I did manage to get out to a Halloween costume party which was awesome! husband was a Loyal Order of Water Buffaloes Gone Wild (think Flintstones cartoon) and I was Smurf Helga the Vicious Viking. husband found a silver circus ringmaster suit and I found viking armor and painted my face blue (along with long blonde wig)........and..........we both wore Viking horns! Sometimes, it's all about the hats! :)

    Fun fills our souls and is quite necessary to squeeze in whenever possible!
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  2. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Glad to hear he continues to improve. And great for you to recognize the risk of falling back to old unhealthy patterns. I sincerely believe that noticing and voicing those concerns clearly and openly can help you to build a healthier relationship with him. And it to be an adult relationship, not a care giving relationship.

    Great job there too. There are lots of resources to help people who have fallen from wagons but for some reason they are often difficult for those people who need them to find. Or paper work difficult to finish. It is much better when needed assistance comes from outside source and not from the family (so that family dynamics etc. don't get in the way), but often it can require more know-how and resources to find that assistance than people who need it usually have.

    In my neck of woods they have woken up to this a bit and there are more places where people can just walk in, but way too often getting assistance for those most in need requires much more hoop jumping and paper work than people who need those services can handle.