Everything feels right in the world...so...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by PatriotsGirl, Jun 15, 2015.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    So he has been with mommy a little over a week now. I do miss him - sometimes so much it makes my heart hurt. BUT, is it wrong to say that I am enjoying not having to raise a toddler, too? We have our house back - and it stays clean - lol. I am sleeping with my husband in our bed and we feel like a couple again. This Friday we are playing hooky from work and going to a town called Helen to have some fun tubing down the river, going to a water park and then to our favorite steak restaurant for dinner. I am sooo excited!

    I get pictures of Connor from the house mom and he looks happy. One of the pictures was of him and momma playing. It just feels so right. Everything feels at it should be and I want it to stay that way. I know they said this was a two week "trial" period but I really feel he should stay with momma. I'm not sure how to approach it if they expect me to bring him back here this weekend. I am not sure if they do, but if so, why?? I don't see what the point of it would be if these past two weeks have gone just fine.

    We were talking this weekend and hubby said to tell them we lost his daycare spot. But I don't have what it takes in me to lie about anything. I literally find it impossible. I do feel strongly that he needs to stay with momma and not come back here, though. When I was leaving that Saturday that I brought him there, he did not want to let me go. He kept telling momma bye bye and had a death grip on me. I felt awful but I knew he had to be with momma to build that bond with her again. We don't want to confuse him by bringing him back here. I saw the pain in her eyes. She has already missed so much with him and I know how deeply she loves her little boy.

    Would it be wrong of me to refuse to bring him back with us if that is what they expect? I would feel terrible but at the same time, staying with her is the right thing for both of them...
  2. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I don't think you're wrong for feeling the way you feel. Connor is your daughter's child and you're right when you say that he should be with her. As long as she can care for him properly, then his place is with her. See what happens after the two week trial period, but if you have contact with her caseworker during that time definitely say you feel Connor's place is with her.

    Enjoy your date day with your hubby!
  3. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

  4. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Her caseworker is on vacation this week. I just want to make sure that I am not being selfish in thinking that he should stay with her. You are right - he IS her child and as far as I know, she is doing just fine with him. I think she is probably doing better knowing that she has him to come home to every day.

    I will be honest and let them know that I feel VERY strongly that he should stay with her. Unless they can give me a very good reason that he should not be there, I think it is in the absolute best interest for all of us that he stays with his mommy...
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I don't think you are being selfish at all for enjoying your freedom and wanting it to remain. I also don't think this will be an issue, I believe if this trial period went well they will more than likely suggest he stay with her. Of course if something happened/happens that puts that in jeopardy, you refusing to take him back will not change the fact that they have a program to follow and I am sure you would be willing to step up again and take him back until she is back on track. It doesn't sound like that will be an issue.

    Enjoy your time together with husband, you deserve it.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    If you do talk to anyone there about it, don't make it about you. Make it about Connor. HIS needs are the most important, and at his age, being tossed around between caregivers is not a good thing UNLESS him being there full time puts too much pressure on his mom. If she can handle it, he NEEDS to be with her.
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  7. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Agreed a million percent!!!!!
  8. lovemyson1

    lovemyson1 Active Member

    I agree with InsaneCdn. Whatever is best for Connor is what should be done. He's the innocent one here. You shouldn't feel guilty for wanting your home and life back PG. you've already done so much! I really hope things keep going well! Happy for all!
  9. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    I definitely don't think you are being selfish.i also highly doubt they will want to send him back with you if things went well. However if they have concerns you need to understand what they are.

    I don't think you should refuse to take him back because if they ask you to, there is probably a good reason (which of course you need to know). So I think you want to be the backup plan.
  10. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Oh of course! But if nothing happened, which it hasn't because I would have heard about it, then there is no reason for him not to stay with momma...
  11. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    They have been great communicating with you so far so I would say that no news is good news. Take a page from AA and remember to live in the moment and not project what might or might not happen.

    by the way, what is the name of the restaurant in Helen? It has been forever since I've been there.

  12. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    The restaurant is actually in Haiwassee - The Deer Lodge. It is nothing fancy but the steak dinners are to die for!!!! We have to drive through Helen to get there and normally stop for fudge on our way back. :)
  13. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That's so funny because when we went to the 1996 Olympics we stayed in Helen. What a quaint little town. We didn't get to see that much of it because we left early in the morning and came back way late at night but I remember so well what it looked like.
  14. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    LOVE Helen!!! :) It is only an hour drive for us - I can't wait!!
  15. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    I think Insane said it best.

    I do worry what all this shuffling has/will do to Connor. It is traumatic for little ones to not have one primary caregiver. (We are former foster parents and learned all about this stuff when adopting out daughter) It's time for everyone to decide who that's going to be. The back and forth needs to come to an end soon, if at all possible.
  16. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Totally completely agree and that is exactly what I plan to tell them. I just texted the house mom to see how they have been doing and she said so far everything has been fine. :)

    So, I see no reason that he shouldn't stay with mommy...
  17. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Just got off the phone with the Assistant Director and we are on the same page!! He is staying!!!! We will get to see him this Saturday and we want to take him next weekend or the weekend after for two nights, but he is officially living with mommy!! :)

    I miss him terribly but this feels SO right. I am breathing such a huge sigh of relief right now...
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  18. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    OMG that was SOOO awesome!!! She just called because she got her five minute phone call and she had no idea that Connor was staying. She was so stressed and worried about it all week. She asked me if I would call there tomorrow to find out if he had to leave and come back with us and I told her that I didn't need to and he was staying with her. She asked who told me that and when I told her who I talked to today she broke down in tears she was so unbelievably happy!!!! Oh I LOVE LOVE LOVE that I got to give her that news!!! :) BEST phone call ever!!
  19. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    That's awesome! !!!