scent of cedar
New Member
So, difficult child came home the day our house guest arrived. He is 75. Recently widowed. (Like three months ago.) difficult child is 39.
They seemed to hit it off. Visit has been very pleasant.
Last night, the two of them came back from fishing and announced that the friend (who lives right next door to us down South, by the way) is hiring difficult child to work in his business. He is providing room and board. (In a private conversation earlier in the week, husband had told me, in front of the friend, that he did not think he wanted difficult child coming South with us. No more was said about it, as the houseguest was there. Apparently, the houseguest took that to heart, and took the situation out of our hands, entirely.)
He finds her a "fascinating woman." Says he realizes the age difference, and that difficult child will have her own bed and bath. There was some joking around about having to call me "mom." Which everyone thought was pretty funny.
Except me.
***Colorful swear words, some in foreign languages, go here.****
The houseguest leaves tomorrow.
The plan is for him to fly her down in about three weeks.
I asked the houseguest what his 50 year old daughter was going to think about this.
His response, essentially, was that he didn't care.
I asked the houseguest whether he had considered that he was in a vulnerable place right now, having just lost his wife.
His response was that she had been sick for a long time.
difficult child is also making noise about getting her kids back. The kids are doing well ~ very well, and no longer need her. I'm sure this is fairly typical of women who have lost or left their children, and I don't much care for it. As you all know, what difficult child allowed in her home, that she allowed her children to suffer what they suffered this past winter, is something that still makes me see red. I don't support her "right" to have the kids with her ~ or anywhere near her ~ again, until she has turned things around and proven herself. difficult child has full legal custody of the fourteen year old, and equal custody rights for both boys. It hasn't really been an issue, because difficult child was living on the streets herself and had no way to get to where the kids are. That will all change, with the houseguest's house and money involved. I am deciding to believe for the best out of this situation. We will testify against difficult child if we can, should there be an opportunity to do so.
difficult child has been relatively sober since coming home. The man responsible for the car accident/homelessness/drug use is now in jail in relation to the accident. If the man were not in jail? difficult child would still be living on the streets with him by choice. She has been to visit him in jail once, already.
I don't know what to think, or how to think about this. One of the thinks I am thinking is: no more freedom from anything to do with difficult child when we go South. This will mean the loss of a psychological safe haven for husband and I.
And of course, it changes the nature of the friendship between the houseguest and myself.
Another is a sense of disgust and betrayal, for both difficult child and the houseguest.
In the houseguest's defense, I will say that I think he believes he is giving difficult child the opportunity to get away from the lifestyle she has been living. He is a very kind, very generous man. In their marriage, it was the wife who was the tough one, who was the one who handled the money, who was the one who said what was what.
I think husband's comment to me that he didn't want difficult child to go South with us struck the houseguest as unkind.
I am reminding myself to keep a good attitude about this. I am reading Joel Osteen. I am reminding myself that I believe there is a larger plan.
Oy fricking vey.
As another of us is signing her posts in a similar fashion to mine, I will sign myself Cedar from here on in.
Cedar
They seemed to hit it off. Visit has been very pleasant.
Last night, the two of them came back from fishing and announced that the friend (who lives right next door to us down South, by the way) is hiring difficult child to work in his business. He is providing room and board. (In a private conversation earlier in the week, husband had told me, in front of the friend, that he did not think he wanted difficult child coming South with us. No more was said about it, as the houseguest was there. Apparently, the houseguest took that to heart, and took the situation out of our hands, entirely.)
He finds her a "fascinating woman." Says he realizes the age difference, and that difficult child will have her own bed and bath. There was some joking around about having to call me "mom." Which everyone thought was pretty funny.
Except me.
***Colorful swear words, some in foreign languages, go here.****
The houseguest leaves tomorrow.
The plan is for him to fly her down in about three weeks.
I asked the houseguest what his 50 year old daughter was going to think about this.
His response, essentially, was that he didn't care.
I asked the houseguest whether he had considered that he was in a vulnerable place right now, having just lost his wife.
His response was that she had been sick for a long time.
difficult child is also making noise about getting her kids back. The kids are doing well ~ very well, and no longer need her. I'm sure this is fairly typical of women who have lost or left their children, and I don't much care for it. As you all know, what difficult child allowed in her home, that she allowed her children to suffer what they suffered this past winter, is something that still makes me see red. I don't support her "right" to have the kids with her ~ or anywhere near her ~ again, until she has turned things around and proven herself. difficult child has full legal custody of the fourteen year old, and equal custody rights for both boys. It hasn't really been an issue, because difficult child was living on the streets herself and had no way to get to where the kids are. That will all change, with the houseguest's house and money involved. I am deciding to believe for the best out of this situation. We will testify against difficult child if we can, should there be an opportunity to do so.
difficult child has been relatively sober since coming home. The man responsible for the car accident/homelessness/drug use is now in jail in relation to the accident. If the man were not in jail? difficult child would still be living on the streets with him by choice. She has been to visit him in jail once, already.
I don't know what to think, or how to think about this. One of the thinks I am thinking is: no more freedom from anything to do with difficult child when we go South. This will mean the loss of a psychological safe haven for husband and I.
And of course, it changes the nature of the friendship between the houseguest and myself.
Another is a sense of disgust and betrayal, for both difficult child and the houseguest.
In the houseguest's defense, I will say that I think he believes he is giving difficult child the opportunity to get away from the lifestyle she has been living. He is a very kind, very generous man. In their marriage, it was the wife who was the tough one, who was the one who handled the money, who was the one who said what was what.
I think husband's comment to me that he didn't want difficult child to go South with us struck the houseguest as unkind.
I am reminding myself to keep a good attitude about this. I am reading Joel Osteen. I am reminding myself that I believe there is a larger plan.
Oy fricking vey.
As another of us is signing her posts in a similar fashion to mine, I will sign myself Cedar from here on in.
Cedar