Eye Rolling...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by AnnieO, May 20, 2015.

  1. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Yup, that's me these days. It's rather silly watching Belle. She's doing better, no doubt, but some of that stubbornness and refusal to consider other possibilities is making me want to rip my hair out... but I've had enough time to detach. Poor husband is trying so hard to help without enabling and it's driving him nuts!

    We bough a hoopty for her to drive once she got her license back. $1500 and she will be paying us back when she gets a job (which still hasn't happened, and I don't know when it will - thank goodness it was an inexpensive car). Anyway, she managed to get her license back, but had made a mistake on the title so we had to get a copy from the original owner... Attention to detail... Sigh. So in the meantime bio-gma's car has issues and Belle doesn't want her driving it (which she does anyway). Belle borrows the plate from my car (the older one, I just got a new one in March) and is using that (don't get me started... Wasn't my idea). We get the new title, she gets the money together, gets her title. But cannot get plates because there is a warrant block in a town 2 hours north. husband takes her there to pay that fine, but now she cannot afford new plates. Another week goes by, and I have to get my plate back so I can take my car down for a test drive by a prospective buyer. She puts the old plate from her car in the back window. Gets the money together for actual plates and on the way there gets pulled over... For plates. Of course she gets a ticket. She gets her plates! Then we find out Monday evening that she has to show for court or pay her fine by... TUESDAY. No clue what the fine is because she has not called to find out. And... She doesn't have INSURANCE. This is HUGE. In our state it is REQUIRED (might be in all states, I don't know). So she is afraid to go to court because she might lose her license... But if she doesn't there is a warrant for her and more fines. Bio-gma has not done anything about adding Belle to her insurance as was agreed... And husband floats the possibility that she doesn't HAVE insurance and is playing dumb. That sets Belle off. Not screaming, just stubborn and won't listen anymore... because of course bio-gma would NEVER lie to her. (Pat tells me, after Belle has left, that bio-gma almost certainly does NOT have insurance... And that is why she lost her license way back when.) I gave Belle my insurance agent's # but I doubt she called him.

    It turned out okay, at least; they just made Belle pay the $93 fine, and she has 30 days to do so.

    My car? Did get sold, for the asking price (WOOHOO!)... I used about $60 to get new brakes for Belle's car, since she does drive Pat places and, well, I don't want to lose ANY kids but certainly not 2 at once!

    Belle's boyfriend is a voice of reason... Thank heavens.

    Belle and boyfriend are going to move out of bio-gma's and in with boyfriend's mother (who moves about every couple of months)... Phew. We tried to convince her to wait a month or so till boyfriend has come up with a few more bucks for their own place. Stubborn. (He's willing; she's not...) And she STILL doesn't have a job. Honestly, I don't want to say this to husband, but I don't think she is trying very hard.

    I am really, really hoping this isn't the first gentle slope of the downhill part of a roller coaster, but...
     
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    ...And as I click "POST", I get a call from husband that they have apparently snapped a tie rod...
     
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    :poop: happens
     
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    As long as she has insurance when she walks into court, she'll be fine, or should be. Call around and find a really cheap one and get her the very basic for now. You'd be surprised because progressive might be the cheapest.

    I say that not to enable, but in our state it can be a real royal pain in the rear to get a license back.

    Make her pay you with interest if she doesn't have the funds.

    That said, it sounds as if the powers that be are against her driving at the moment. What is wrong with riding the bus??
     
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  6. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I have Geico and for two vehicles, full coverage, I pay a little over a hundred a month. It is crazy awesome!!! When I added M and her beater, it went up a hundred. Still, not bad considering Allstate wanted about four hundred. Definitely, she should call around...
     
  7. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    That's the thing. She is DETERMINED that biogma will add her. She did go to court without insurance and skated. I'm shaking my head. She's got the luck of the gods, that one does.

    Around here, the bus doesn't run half the places. It goes to the college and military base, but not the mall or the area with most of the jobs since it is based in the other county. (You know what I mean, Hound; you've been here.) Basically in our area it's nearly useless... Sigh.
     
  8. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    She's playing games. Making simple things difficult because they have to be done her way. My oldest does that and it drives me nuts.

    Common sense needs not apply for those conversations.
     
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    You might want to point out that biogma has yet to add her.........so she needs to either talk to the woman or realize it's not going to happen. I do have to say that her ability to skirt consequences is often amazing.

    However, Miss Belle is a 20 yr old woman. No longer a child. Guess she needs to get a solution figured out.

    I might feel a bit more empathetic if Travis hadn't lived in the same area........and walked where he wanted / needed to go more often than not. You know, the blind kid. Might not hurt to throw that at her a few times. ;)

    My point is, if she really wants to get her rear into gear, no transportation is going to stop her. This is not biogmas problem. It's not Daddy's problem. It's not your problem. This is Miss Belle's problem and she needs to get it figured out. Else she's going to wind up like Katie......with the same excuses at 35 and in the same hole. There is such a thing as helping too much, remember.

    Often the journey is just as important than the goal.
     
  10. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I gave her what she needed to get insurance... Now it is up to her.

    She's come so far, but there are certain things she still needs to work on. And biogma is an enabler, but more, she uses her ethnicity to get away with a LOT. She pretends she doesn't understand when she hears things she does not want to. In 2012, we had a small get-together for Belle's birthday... Bio-gma, my parents, me, husband and Pat. At that time I heard her speak very clearly to MY PARENTS. I know darn good and well she's not stupid... And she's been in the US for 40 years give or take. She knows what's necessary and refuses to do what she needs to do.

    Yeah, I think Belle needs to have it slap her in the face that we won't do everything. And... The longer things go on... The less we are actually doing. The car was in the works before she was even released. Sigh.
     
  11. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Belle sounds so much like mine it's scary. The thing is I don't like the conditions mine is living in. I don't like that her boyfriend has no license for many of the same reasons as Belle, and uses her to drive him everywhere in the car we bought her. Her registration renewal is due June 1, of course she left it for the last minute. If she doesn't go Saturday she won't be able to drive. I have been reminding her for two months. It will be super busy there Saturday and it's the busiest one in the city. Her insurance was due two months ago. She put it on her credit card,the one we helped her get and keep here and have the bills sent here. No bills in two months, What's up with that? She claims she paid it off, no evidence.

    In the meantime the boyfriend just uses her, they pay no rent, house in mothers name is in foreclosure. No care about what will happen. They have no money at the end of the pay period, use it all on beer and cigs. They don't even pay their full utilities, are on payment plans. They do not live the way I would ever want to live. I have to stop worrying about it. They are obviously ok with how and where they live (in a bad area of town with a lot of crime).

    My daughter has come a long way but is still very much addicted to the fun lifestyle. I am convinced she is an alcoholic, functioning at this point. The genetic parallels to her bm are remarkable.

    I guess all we can do is lead them to the water but we sure can't make them drink.
     
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