feeling sad for difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by sjexpress, May 22, 2012.

  1. sjexpress

    sjexpress Guest

    A few weeks ago difficult child made a decision to leave a baseball team he's been playing with for 5 yrs. When this spring season started back in March, suddenly, difficult child was no longer a starting player and worse, when he did go into the game, it was not his regular position. The coach told husband that over the winter he got 2 more players to join the team and he thinks one of them is better than difficult child and since they both play the same position, difficult child had to move and share a spot with someone else. This of course has grated on difficult child for the whole season and of course has caused lots of tears and more acting out at home due to his frustrations. You have to understand, for many years, difficult child was one of the "stars" of the team so this new player taking over for him is a huge hurt for him. He was basically demoted and I can't blame him for having his feelings hurt.
    Fortunately, there is a 2nd team that difficult child plays for and the coach thinks he is a great player and difficult child plays the whole game each time at the position he loves. We had a long talk with difficult child about leaving the first team and playing only for the 2nd. We weighed all the pros and cons with him and gave him all the support about how we know it is a difficult decision to move on but sometimes things are for the best. Like I mentioned at the beginning, difficult child will quit the original team.
    Well, last nite was the last game for difficult child with that team and he is really struggling with anger and sadness!! Yes, that is how competitive sports are, etc... my head knows it but I still can't help feel like my heart is breaking for him. To me as a parent, that coach showed no loyalty to a player who gave his all in every practice and game and was more than commited to the team.Even in this last game, the coach was a jerk! difficult child did get to play his original position because the other kid was pitching but with only 2 outs left in the whole game, the coach goes onto the field and tells difficult child to head to the bench and replaces him with the kid who was just pitching. What the heck was that for? difficult child had done nothing wrong. This crushed difficult child as he thought he'd finish his time with the team at the same position he'd started at years ago. I know it is corny, but this is how he wanted to go out! It was all I could do not to cry I felt so bad for difficult child!
    difficult child was only 1 of 3 remaining original players on the team and husband was assist. coach who busted his butt helping the team no matter what had to be done! difficult child was a starting player always and the team won numerous championships over the years and now suddenly, he was not good enough! These players are still just boys for goodness sakes! They are not making millions of dollars to bring home the trophy!
    So hopefully as they say, time heals all wounds, but I think it's a rougher road when dealing with a difficult child. I truly believe when the summer season starts in few weeks with the new team only, difficult child will be happy with his decision. I hope.... in the meantime, our family will have to deal with some excess behavior from difficult child which by the way, started this morning when he refused to go to school because he was too sad and wanted to wear his dirty uniform that he played in and then proceeded to sleep in and then but back on after he showered this morning, because he was too sad to not look at it anymore!! Oh the drama! He did eventually put on clean clothes and I drove him to school a bit late but at least he went!
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Piglet just went through a similar thing. She had to find a new team after 4 years with her old one. The coach didn't even bother talking to her. They just announced 2 new girls at her position (and they only take two). It was hard with a easy child, I cannot imagine how much harder with a difficult child. It sounds like he handled it really well. So glad team #2's coach was able to provide a positive environment so difficult child can still play.
  3. HopeRemains

    HopeRemains New Member

    That breaks my heart for him, also. It's tough when we try so hard to work with them and then they get hurt by something beyond our control. It's part of growing up, but it sounds like that was especially hard because he'd found something he loved and it was taken. This would be devistating for a easy child child, I can only imagine how hard the poor guy took it.
  4. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, that really is heartbreaking. And coach seems to be unfortunately jerk with the matter. It is hard when competitive sports really become competitive around that age. And after that there is no end in sight for that. Those may end up being important learning experiences down the line, but boy, they sting.

    Here 12-13 tends to be a magic age there competitive sport become competitive and big cuts are made first time. And it is always heartbreaking. And for the most of the kids the cut will come sooner or later. And at times coaches are really jerk about it. Maybe it is because these issues tend to be difficult also for them to handle, but it doesn't excuse them of being jerks. And I'm so fed up with the 'if they are to be serious athletes, they have to take it like a man.' When they are 13 or 15? No they don't. And in fact teams tend to show much more respect to their adult pro athletes in these situations than the kids get. difficult child used to have a coach who was very vocal about boys having to behave like men or like pros and how tough the sport would be in future and how they would never accomplish anything if they could not do that. difficult child was 12 at the time. His actual pro level coaches are total softies compared to that guy.

    But it is good, that your son was able to decide about leaving and has a new team lined up. And you are right, few weeks and he will be content with his choice.