T
toughlovin
Guest
OK I changed threads because I thought Nancys post about adoption was great, and I wanted to discuss it but didnt want to side track the post about anger either.
Nancy I think you described the feelings around adoption, and the heartache that our difficult children brought into our lives so well. Gosh I wanted a child so much when we adopted our difficult child. That phone call that we got saying we had a baby boy was so thrilling... and then the reality of bringing up a child began. In those early years I really thought the difficulties had to do with my parenting. And man I did have some heartache as some friends were not at all understanding about his challenging little personality. Things would have been so different if he had been an easier child....I recently asked my husband if we knew what we did now would we have adopted him and he looked at me and kind of shook his head.
And yet I really cannot imagine not having him for my son. He is my son and I love him and I really cant imagine it any other way and really dont regret adopting him. I feel like in the process of being a mother I learned a lot about myself and in many ways my life would not be as rich and I would not be the person I am now. And having a challenging child has taught me a great deal about myself as well.
But I think part of it for me is also my easy child daughter. I have a wonderful relationship with her and she is a major joy in my life (and now and then she drives me nuts with her 17 year old ways). I am thrilled she is my daughter... and fact is if we had not adopted my son we probably would not have adopted at all, and then I would not have my daughter either. So if I think about living a life with no children, or living a life with the two children I have, I would take the life i have with my two kids. I am very glad I am a mother and would not want to have missed out on having that experience.
However I might feel very differently if I already had bio children and then adopted my difficult child... I think in some ways that would be harder to reconcile because then I would already be a mother. So Nancy I totally understood your feelings in your post. And I can also understand the feelings of wishing to having never adopted a child.
TL
Nancy I think you described the feelings around adoption, and the heartache that our difficult children brought into our lives so well. Gosh I wanted a child so much when we adopted our difficult child. That phone call that we got saying we had a baby boy was so thrilling... and then the reality of bringing up a child began. In those early years I really thought the difficulties had to do with my parenting. And man I did have some heartache as some friends were not at all understanding about his challenging little personality. Things would have been so different if he had been an easier child....I recently asked my husband if we knew what we did now would we have adopted him and he looked at me and kind of shook his head.
And yet I really cannot imagine not having him for my son. He is my son and I love him and I really cant imagine it any other way and really dont regret adopting him. I feel like in the process of being a mother I learned a lot about myself and in many ways my life would not be as rich and I would not be the person I am now. And having a challenging child has taught me a great deal about myself as well.
But I think part of it for me is also my easy child daughter. I have a wonderful relationship with her and she is a major joy in my life (and now and then she drives me nuts with her 17 year old ways). I am thrilled she is my daughter... and fact is if we had not adopted my son we probably would not have adopted at all, and then I would not have my daughter either. So if I think about living a life with no children, or living a life with the two children I have, I would take the life i have with my two kids. I am very glad I am a mother and would not want to have missed out on having that experience.
However I might feel very differently if I already had bio children and then adopted my difficult child... I think in some ways that would be harder to reconcile because then I would already be a mother. So Nancy I totally understood your feelings in your post. And I can also understand the feelings of wishing to having never adopted a child.
TL