Ggggrrrr -- so frustrating

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Jan 13, 2011.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Kanga did not bring up her emancipation plan with staff.

    New therapist is definitely snowed, they are talking about transitioning to a group home sooner rather than later. I am so NOT comfortable with that plan. I refused to agree to a change in discharge planning. They have now declared that at the next meeting we will discuss which group home would be best and when she should transition to it.

    This new unit seems to be so disorganized. Kanga's reports of suicidal ideation were not recorded; our reports of her threats were not recorded; I corrected them in both cases so I hope the report reflects that.

    I am so flipping tired of hearing "severe family conflict" and "need to work on communication within the family". How about "child refuses to accept her role in a family" and "child needs to understand that as a child she is subject to her parents dominion and the statatory laws of her state (as well as the regular laws)".

    21 months to go............
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    And how about "child shall not use violence or threats of violence to attempt to manipulate family".
  3. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Did the therapist or any of the staff at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) know what she told you that she wanted to be emancipated? Could it be that they told her that she does not meet the requirements and not to even bother? I don't know how RTCs work, but if you don't agree with transitioning her to a group home sooner rather than later do they still do it? Can you talk to the therapist without Kanga being there to find out what she is telling them that makes them think that she is ready for this move?

  4. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    They cannot move her without my consent. They can however, give us notice that they will no longer allow her to stay there, then we would need to find a new Residential Treatment Center (RTC) to take her. Chances are slim that they would do that, they are more likely to continue to pressure us to let them move her to a group home.

    They feel she is ready for the move because she has been "compliant with program" for the last 3 months. Course, why the assault on the female youth (in October) and the sexual acting out and false rape allegation against the male youth (in July) aren't considered HUGE issues, I have no idea. Kanga has a long history of being compliant with program for months--including one time of just over a year -- and then either sexually acting out or physically assaulting someone.
  5. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    JJJ - just being a devil's advocate here. Do you think Kanga will continue on in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) once she hits 18? Will she be able to graduate by then? Do you think she will be receptive to receiving community services through DMH (assuming there will still be services offered by then)? Or is she simply going to walk out and go... where? You know how I feel about the options for group homes around here. My understanding is her Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s group homes are as good as they get. You know where she absolutely *cannot* go, LOL.

    thank you was about Kanga's age when I got pretty insistent about stopping the regurgitation of "family issues" and getting on with- it already. Family "reunification" was not an option and it was time to look beyond any alleged family issues and focus on getting him in a position to be functional in the community when he hit 18.

    I absolutely understand not wanting her in a group home setting, really, I do. But I think at some point in the very near future, it's going to be time to make the transition. thank you bombed horrifically, you know that. But now 2 years down the road, the one thing TLP did do was give him the opportunity to establish relationships within his community. No, they weren't the healthiest or safest relationships, but they were the only ones he had ever formed outside of the family and while I think they exposed him to some unsafe situations, at the same time he had a safety net in a really messed up dysfunctional way. Does that make sense?

    I'm not trying to change your mind, but the day is fast approaching when Kanga will have the right to walk away from the program. I'm thinking that it will not be an option for her to return home - is it time to maybe remove family goals from her treatment plan and focus on more functional skills? What goals would you like to see her meet, forgetting about family relationship stuff, before she moves on to a group home?

    Again, just being a devil's advocate. I found it really hard to let go of the "client will engage in appropriate interactions with parent" goal, but at some point it just became a moot point in the grand scheme of thank you's life.
  6. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Kanga will most definitely NOT stay in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) once she hits 18. She may stay in a group home or TLP if she has the freedom to come and go as she pleases. She does not know it, but she will have all of her credits for graduation as long as she attends school through her 18th birthday. She likes school so it is possible that she will stay in school as long as she has her "adult freedoms" outside the school day.

    I'm not opposed to her going to a group home eventually. My fears in pushing her into a group home too quickly is that (1) she will engage in dangerous, probably illegal, activities once she has the freedom to do so and (2) that once she has been in a group home, that there will be a push to get her placed in our home again. I would like to see her move into a group home in late spring 2012 and they are pushing for summer 2011 so we are about 1 year away from each other. My biggest fear is that she will harm someone or commit statatory rape on a young boy -- the longer I can keep her supervised, the better.

    I'd be THRILLED if they would let us quit spinning our wheels in family therapy but they see "sweet, lovable Kanga" and have this overwhelming desire to help us "fix" our relationship with her. And she feeds into it by playing the victim, "I don't know why they won't let me see my siblings. I don't know why they are all scared of me. I try so hard... :( "

    I would like her to establish ties in the community where her last Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was. So it is possible that I will be "convinced" to change her placement to a group home back in the city in the far NW of our state (starts with an R). I do not want her to have easy public transportation back to our county. This places group homes are too close for comfort.
  7. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Just an update....

    I spoke with our county caseworker and she said that this place is pushing another client to go to group home too quickly as well and she is concerned because the other child's parents don't have my warrior skills ;) and are starting to cave in. She is calling the residential director to make it clear that neither of these two should be moved to group homes yet and that she doesn't care which unit has an open bed. She is also finding out which group homes and TLPs are currently covered by our grant.

    I also spoke with the new therapist for the first time outside of a group meeting. It was a good conversation. She stated that Kanga has told her the same irrational stuff that she is telling us. When she reminds Kanga of her treatment goals, Kanga agrees that she wants those goals. Then she points out that her current 'plans' work against those goals and Kanga says 'but I want to do it". So basically, Kanga wants us to trust her so that she can go do whatever she wants with whomever she wants. She assured me that they will stop pushing for a transition to a group home, for now, since we are so opposed to it.

    Meanwhile, Kanga reports that she got a PRV for a 'staff miscommunication": translated she manipulated staff. I haven't heard staff's side yet but it sounds like she was suppose to be in place A and went with a staff person to place B instead after lying to staff that she had permission to go. (PRV=24 hours on restriction). She spoke with husband yesterday and was totally off the wall, it was one of those conversations that he knew was going to go poorly from how she said hello :( He's guessing that she won't be calling this weekend so that she can "punish" us for not letting her have her freedom.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sorry the meeting was so frustrating. I hope they get over the "snowed" condition soon. Glad the caseworker is willing to tell them no way in Hades and that the therapist seemed to listen to you. Why, if she is trying to advance all these irrational plans, are they considering the group home option? It simply isn't logical unless they just want to get her out of their hair.

    Why was she moved to this group? Was it an age thing or a problem with the place she was before where they understood the facts of Kanga? If you mentioned it, I must have missed it. Sorry.
  9. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    JJJ, I'm not surprised ~ beds in group homes/transitional living programs open infrequently (at least in my area). AND likely there are others that need a bed in Residential Treatment Center (RTC). That isn't your problem.

    Sue has made some great points. I've taken her lead in the parent/family reunification issues in regards to wm. Simply wasn't going to happen as wm wasn't making/taking any of that seriously. It was the treatment team that wanted a "happy ending". I, in the meantime, remain grounded in reality ~ just like you & yours.

    I'd hoped for better things I guess.