Glad to know I'm not alone. Can't find any local parent groups for this.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Bloomer789, Mar 5, 2015.

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  1. Bloomer789

    Bloomer789 New Member

    I'm sure this will resonate with many of you.

    15 year old freshman son, diagnosed as ADHD at age of 8. Smart, has been in honors classes.

    Fast forward 7 years, during which he had became more defiant and beyond difficult.

    Is on Focalin which settles him down. Has a booster to take in the evenings. When he is on medications, the family can tolerate him. But in that hour in the morning before school and before the medications kick in, he is awful. Same thing in the evening when the booster wears off.

    Just this past month

    moved a family heirloom statue and shot bb's at it in the house
    throws knives at walls and ceilings. Find them sticking in the wall.
    took my candle lighter and busted it to pieces
    took his brothers xbox headset apart to take a microphone piece he wanted, denies the whole thing

    ongoing
    has put numerous holes in our walls, I refuse to patch them until he is gone,
    craves grafiti on our tractor, on our walls, and on furniture
    continues to steal food and eat excessively (has gained 150 lbs in 4 years, not diabetic no thryoid problems)
    doesn't do homework, has an f for the first time (actually 3 of them)
    obsessed with guitars and music
    doesn't care about his hygiene, doesn't shower unless I nag him. (Then I have to shut off the water heater to get him out)
    curses all day long
    called me a :censored2: at least 20 times in the hour before school (I shut his phone off)

    I'm sure I've forgotten half of it.

    He did get a concussion in mid November during wrestling practice. His Psychiatrist recommended some testing. He spent 4 solid hours taking tests yesterday. Looking forward to having the results in 2 weeks. Am also taking him back for diabetic and thyroid testing (it's been a year or more) Will ask his Dr to drug test him.

    I think I'm going to have to find another therapist. Therapist said it was hormones a few years ago and that he would grow out of it. (he is much, much, worse)

    Spring Break is coming in 10 days. I will not let him have his way or back down. If I stand up to him at all, things get broken. The plan is to call the cops and get him get some concentrated therapy at a center during spring break. If he gets physically threatening, I will report him as a child in need of supervision and that me, husband, and little brother are in fear of him hurting us.

    As all of you, I just wonder why. Why does he fight so, with us and with himself? Will he ever grow out of this? He doesn't think he does anything wrong. Until he accepts the way he acts is wrong and wants to change, he will never move forward. So we are stuck here. He won't follow our rules now at 15. I can see us kicking him out at 18.

    whew, feels better to get that all out there. I did forget to add his Dad has pretty much checked out with him. Husband is paralyzed and our son does not respect him at all.

    Wishes I could find him a mentor that he might listen to. I think to medieval times where Lords fostered their sons elsewhere. I can see why, as he won't listen.
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi and sorry you had to come here, but welcome. Can you tell us a little more history about your son? Did he have a difficult time in his very early years? Any loss of caregivers? Any abuse? Was he ever intensively tested by, say, a neuropsychologist? Is your husband his father? If not, where is his father?

    To me, and I'm just a mom, it sounds like more is going on than just ADHD.

    Does he ever get violent? Does he know how to make friends and keep them? Any obsessive interests?

    Is he maybe doing drugs?
     
  3. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    Hi, and welcome to our little corner of the web.

    I don't know if this is true or not, but our psychiatrist keeps telling me to hang on because for some of these kids (some, not all) seem to get to 19 and maturity kicks in and the hormones aren't raging as much as they were in the younger teenaged years. I don't know if it's true or not as we're not at that age yet, but that is what he keeps telling me.

    Who did the testing that your son just underwent? What were they teting for?
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Jeez, Bunny, honestly, again I'm just a mom, but from being on the board for a decade I really think that if they can change (some can and do, some can't and don't want to even try) it is more like twenty-three.
     
  5. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    Horse-poohy. Get a new psychiatrist before this child really hurts someone!
     
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    This is extreme. NOT just "ADHD and hormones". More extreme than my conundrum kid, and I thought mine was way over the top.

    I know what it's like to trust the "professionals" and then find out they were wrong. But they can be. You have to trust YOUR gut feeling. You are the parent. It's a long fight to get help, but somehow we keep trying.

    When did this behavior start? Grade 7? 8? 9? That's a common time for problems to surface. Some kids with major challenges but high intelligence fly under the radar until junior high or high school. Then, social skills become critical, and kids are beyond cruel. If he isn't "average" or "cool", he's an out-cast. These kids get bullied, and not just by kids - sometimes by teachers too. Anger in young men is often a manifestation of depression.

    I don't have experience with drug abuse in kids, but that can start about the same age, and for a variety of reasons. But to me, your son's behavior is more than that.

    Hopefully the psychiatrist was looking for more than just concussion impact...
     
  7. mjhawks

    mjhawks Member

    I have changed her "therapist" 4 times, looking for the right fit. The point of all this is to affect change. When that doesn't happen, it's time to move on. Keep at it until you find something that fits. And it is YOUR RIGHT to demand a psychiatric evaluation, with a psychologist. They don't often tell you that. Neither the office or the insurance will offer it up. You have to know to ask for it. Often times these kids get stuck with clinical social workers, who really are baffled when face to face with a kid like ours. That doesn't do anyone any good.
     
  8. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Welcome Bloomer789, and yes, thats more then just ADHD and horomones, and I understand about listening to the the doctors opinions. I have been told time and time again from here to switch doctors because mine said mine was "all boy" "let him grow"( let him grow- a 4/5 year old in school all day, sports, makes many choice of his own, I gave/give him his age appropriate behavior freedom if you will, took him to outings, friends family, you know be kids and let him grow and make his own mistakes and decisions with proper guidance, and I was doing this already!!!! And nope didnt work. I still have same pediatrician( for now) but different people for therapy/diag etc. My kids had a NeuroPscy test, but going to take them for a second opinion if after the Psychiatrists and Psychologists cant figure it out, or send them. Its been a battle being on medicaid because approval for everything so this has also slowed us down, but Im on a roll now.

    As far as the medications, the doctors really should look into something thats works longer and or different,( glad it does help though) I know with my son's ADHD medications they can really get his temper going but one was the best so far. Coming off of the medications my son complains about a lot. I understand about your son being angry and not admitting when he has does wrong- mine too. Do you have any therapy places that maybe have like a group teen therapy? Any other activities? Hugs and hang in there.
     
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I was also thinking like IC. Although a concussion can not help an already differently wired kid, it seems he had issues way before the concussion.

    Is he seeing a psychiatrist (the guy with that MD) for a diagnosis and medications? They are the only professionals, besides NeuroPsychs, who can legally diagnose in the United States simply because they have a lot more training in a lot more areas. Therapists can not diagnose and do not have the scope of education to do so. And in my opinion no good pediatrician should listen to a plain therapist and/or parent and dole out any medication. That is not a pediatrician's field. My kids pediatrician would not diagnose anything that fell into the neurological/behavioral field. He would refer us to somebody who could, but said that a pediatrician is not really trained to do that right.

    I prefer psychologists early on to plain therapists also and I've been a mental health patient since age 23 (I am 61). In the early stages of healing, you really need the best and brightest and most viable methods of therapy and most therapists are not "in the know" about that. For example, at this stage in my life and in healing, I do see a social worker because I don't need the depth of a psychologist. I learned about dialectal behavioral therapy on my own and asked her about it. She knew little about it, but is teaching herself. DBT is something any psychologist should know and it is extremely effective for many disorders that other methods don't help, such as borderline personality disorder. Just talking to a new patient is, in my opinion and experience, not enough to make them any better. If you have faulty thinking and out of control behavior, you need a different sort of therapy that teaches you how to both cope better and how to effectively change your thinking so that you don't get so angry and frustrated and don't act out. It won't work for everybody, and a lot of it is motivation, but I never thought that just talking about how I felt or my goofy family helped my depression or controlling my moods and anger. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy plus medication did tons and dialectal is helping on top of that.

    Ok. Just my longwinded .02. Good luck :)
     
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    To Confused: It's so great to see you giving great advice to others and feeling that you're doing so much better yourself!!!! :likeit:
     
  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Adding in my welcome. I definitely agree about finding a new psychiatrist. Spring break seems like it could be really rough. I'm glad you have a plan in place to call the cops if needed. Glad you have found us but sorry you needed to.
     
  12. DawnMM

    DawnMM New Member

    Welcome Bloomer!

    My son sounds so much like yours, if I wrote a list it would look very much like yours except that my son is also violent and mean to animals. I have no idea if your son will outgrow this and I don't think it really even matters right now. You have to deal with todays behaviors today and it sounds like you are doing well with that. A better diagnoses will help you get more services. I don't have any advice, just sympathy. Having a child this difficult is so hard. For me, I felt like I could manage (although it took always just about all my happiness) until the point where I was afraid of my son. My son called me names too, I felt terribly emotionally abused by him. Do whatever you can do take care of yourself.
     
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  13. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Great advice Dawn. It is so important to take care of yourself.
     
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    To Confused: It's so great to see you giving great advice to others and feeling that you're doing so much better yourself!!!! :likeit:

    DawnMM, it's nice to "meet" you although sorry it has to be under these conditions. If you want to post a thread for yourself you will get a bigger response.
     
  15. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Thank you Midwest .

    Bloomer789 hope everything is a little better today
     
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