I don't wanna. And I've been putting it off because I don't wanna. Selfish. I know. So for once in my life I'm being a little selfish. But Maggie has her appoint wed, and I'm going to have a talk about Molly while we're there. doctor has been Molly's vet her entire life. I think I need some expert advice. And I want to talk to them before dragging her in there and stressing her to the max. This has not been a good week. She's still eating ok. She's played with her ball, but she pays for it afterward. She's doing a lot of whimpering on and off. I've done a lot of brushing her to spend extra time with her. I'd play ball with her......but there is that whole afterward part, and she doesn't want to quit when I join and will literally try to play until she collapses. She's gotten jumpy, really jumpy. This is NOT Maggie related because Maggie doesn't bother Molly at all. They go nose to nose and kiss........and that's about it. Maggie tried to snuggle Molly once......Molly was good about it. She didn't jump to the ceiling, but did ooch the tennis ball around to get Maggie's attention and distract her while she snuck away. She's "hiding" alot. Again not because of Maggie. This started before Maggie arrived. She's under and behind things like she's afraid to be bumped or something. The rapid panting has started up again.....but it's not when it's hot enough even for normal panting. Sometimes when she goes to sleep.........I have to really check to see if she's breathing because it's so darn shallow. Something else that has gotten my attention as odd behavior........... Normally when there is another animal in the house, Molly will eat their leftover food. She'll let them eat just fine.......but if they leave food, she eats it. She'll pick up their bones (theirs are always better than hers) and chew them. (she'll do this with cat food too which is why it's up on the table all the time) She's not so much as sniffed at Maggie's food........nor gone near her bone. I find it odd because it's not normal behavior for her, AND because c'mon, puppyfood is tiny kibble and I've softened it and honestly it's probably easier for her to eat it than her own. (can food gave her the trots, had to switch back to dry with broth) Brushing her.......... She now has 2 tumors, the one on her chest which is getting larger but seems to be growing not so fast. And a new one probably left lower quadrant area that is quite large and new........and discoloring her skin.......and tender.....and will make her jump like a rabbit if you get near it. The one on her chest had me worried. The new one.......has me alarmed because it's relatively huge and it wasn't there long ago. She has lost a lot of weight in the last 9 months.....so when it was smaller I could've missed it due to extra skin. There is the teeth issue. I was going to talk to the vet to find out the cost of having the broken bad ones removed to stop the pain in that area if it wasn't too expensive. (I've not idea what it would cost) Having the procedure might stress her to the max, but the benefit if it isn't too expensive would be worth it. BUT there is the goopy awful cough......and I dunno if she has the lung function to survive anesthetic to have her teeth pulled. Other than the initial greeting of Maggie and the playing with her with the hedgehog (Molly's way of saying welcome to the family kid), she makes no effort to have anything to do with her. This is also highly out of character. Molly LOVES babies. Molly also hovers near me all the time. She has to sleep in whatever room I'm in. After a particularly nasty coughing fit (or sometimes in the middle of one) she comes to me for comfort. Breaks my heart. If vet wants to examine her before giving me advice, I guess I'll take her in. But at this stage, when I know already I can't afford anything extensive.....and at her age don't really feel it's kind to do so........I really hate to stress her out if I don't have to. Nichole's husband has volunteered to be with Molly should she have to be put down and I just can't do it myself. Nice of him, really. But I'm having issues with the whole "put down" thing, some really bad ones. Heh, and I always thought myself to be so practical about the issue of quality of life vs just being there because someone can't bare the thought of parting with you...... Obviously I'm more selfish than I thought. When/if the time comes to put her down, I hope I can be brave enough to spend her last moments with her. That my face is what she sees as she slips to the other side. But there will probably have to be someone to literally carry me out of the office, I might not make it under my own power. But I just can't imagine my life without my Molly girl in it...............and while it's only been 12 yrs, it seems as if she's been here forever.