Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Shari, Apr 9, 2011.
Gonna take some photos...
Squalor survivor type photos?
These are living spaces. The first is the bedroom, the second is the kitchen table, then the living room.
That's a bedroom? Wow, I thought I had clutter...
Wow...I thought my house was messy.
It's like an episode of "Hoarders"....
shari you kill me....... i'm weak laughing...... i'm sorry i know you aren't. yet i could just see you standing there saying i'm giong to take pics and show my ppl!!!!
your priceless truly........... and by the way i totally get now what you meant about where "he" comes from sort of thing. it looks like difficult child's room. she's our hoarder princess. i should take a picture!!!
sit back and think about it, your really funny!!!!
Jen, humor keeps me going. I deal with that while situation by poking fun at the absurdity. And everyone complains about their house, but this is the situation and I think it's a bit beyond the typical gripe. They have a 4 car garage that looks the same. Sans cars. I think seeing it kinda makes it real.
H the bedroom has actually improved since I was in it last.
I actually feel awful putting them up, but there's part of me that feels it's important if
I'm asking for suggestions that I'm giving as much info as I can.
I mean, all jokes aside, two brooms has issues of her own. But she is not happy and will do
nothing to address them. But this is what husband grew up with..while it's not an excuse, it's the reality of where he comes from.
dont' feel bad for putting them up...... i meant it, what i said in a good way. i truly was laughing
yes your right hoarding is a problem. it's our next goal in difficult child's therapy. he said all based on anxiety fear of throwing junk away obviously..... i can see where he gets it from. yet now he has you and gets the difference of how a nice, clean organized home can feel like compared to that. he should be able to weigh it out for himself..... you'd think right??
suggestions............ i dont' know we're working on that one next week. difficult child's room smells and when i throw junk out she cries. it takes us hours to clean it, we have to talk about each object, get her to release it, tell her why it's ok to let go of it, etc. nothing "bad" will happen. there is supposedly all this junk underlying why ppl hoard. trauma's in their life etc. wish i could help more. is this what husband does?? does he save junk or is it just the stuff you were saying about pitching in lack thereof
Both. He doesn't help and he tends to keep things thi not quite as bad as his mom yet. I bet he has every cell phone he's ever had working or not still. But it's starting to accumulate. I use to bust my butt to attempt to keep up
And organize but he won't use what I put into place.
Like the coats. I got tired of picking up 10 coats or walking over them all winter. Couldn't get them to hang them on the coat rack because he had to put them on hangers and the piles are
Often clothes we wear regularly, So I put up about 20 coat hooks. Now? He has stuff on about 15 of the hooks. Wee, Cgfg, and I share the others.
Coats he wears twice a year are on the hooks ad the rest go in a
Pile on the floor.
that's rough........... because when difficult child does it i gotta be honest it freaks me out to no end. i go in her rm and get nervous. yet therapist is saying don't do it yet, that's next week.
they say it gets worse with age....... was he like that younger??
Not sure. He helped more. Even since we've been married.
His mom has every toy he ever had,'I think.
wow. now that would be cute and endearing if they were ina box in the attic with his name marked on it lol. sheesh shari i don't know...... wish i could help.
cleaning person an option? sounds insane yet once a week come thru do a big huge cleaning to avoid this one issue that's got you guys stuck. now granted there are other issues the cars, etc. yet this one thing that drives you mad, and i dont' blame you. you work all day long etc.
when i worked ft (ahh seems like forever ago) i know alot think i'm lucky and i guess i am. yet well grass isnt' always greener..... anyway back to point i'd walk in to kids coats all over the flr. blocking front door as i got in, dishes piled up in sink, games, toys, 5 kids school books everywhere. i was like you gotta be kidding me??
well shortly therafter i stopped working due to difficult child, yet point is i dont' know how the heck we would of solved that one. to him he works his own job why should he do that stuff to that extent??
My husband works but I am the primary breadwinner. In fact, he spends 75% of his income on himself, and doesn't cover car repairs or maintenance. Used to be, I laid the bills, he paid when we as out or went camping etc. Now? Nada.
I would like to have a cleaning person come in, but you can't clean what you can't get to. It's still
Something i will consider if we get to a point where someone could clean without
Spending 3 hours getting to the floor etc.
The last time I went to my dad's it was 1999. His place was like that. Huge piles of clothes about 5 feet wide and 3 or 4 feet high - and several of them. For 3 people. They had to clear off a place at the table, and off the chair, for me to sit. They even had stuff going on like that in the addition that wasn't even finished yet (the addition he had been working at, at that point, for 7 years).
I told him (no exaggeration) that he might want to go through all of that stuff before he dies because I'm not going to do it.
Shari....Oh my, I hope you never eat anything that woman cooks.
You must love husband very much to put up with what you have. He is so lucky to have you. I believe he *can* change, he is *not* his mom. The first step is, he has to want to change. And as I read in another thread and forum, to affect real results, there has to be instrinsic motivation involved. I guess the assumption there might be that by nature he wants to live in a clean, clutter free existance. How difficult and frustrating.
As it is I fight both husband and manster's natural tendencies towards clutter. I suspect that's part of the ADD. I accused manster of being a horder the other day when he wouldn't let me throw away a broken knick knack. He insisted it was not hording, it was because he was an artist and he might use it for a project. Darn if he didn't make a sculpture out of it the next day to prove his point.
Hang in there. I'm sure wishing you the best here.
Shari (hugs) It's very difficult to change someone else, or even expect them to change much. Your husband changes very minimally and it usually short-lived. Think about how you want your life to be like in a year, or 5 or 10. Then think how you are going to get there. You're the major breadwinner in the family, really you are the only breadwinner because he spends most of his paycheck on himself. That is huge! You really are not dependant on him. You can alleviate all this stress, you can come up with a good plan. I personally would get so upset having that fridge and dryer just sitting there, and the roof not done that I'd have to leave. (But first I'd get a lawyer to have a legal seperation to protect everything I do have) You will feel better with a plan in place. I'm not really saying a plan to leave, but maybe a plan to stay. Maybe make a list of all the good things.
I have 2 plans. 1 - I reduce my workload to what I can manage alone. Or 2 - he goes.
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