Yes, that makes sense.
Okay, so here's a 64,000 dollar question, another one: what, if anything, can one do at the earliest ages to foster a future adult who is functioning, socially aware, happy and well-adjusted? (What every parent wants for their child.) Throwing up one's hands and saying, "my child has this, that or the other syndrome, there's nothing I can do," is not a realistic option in my view. Everything is up for grabs, there is always room for manoeuvre (you spell it some other way, sorry
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You will NEVER read here on this board that getting a diagnosis for a particular disorder equates to throwing up one's hands, or meaning that nothing can be done about it. That's not what we're about here at conductdisorders.com.
Getting an accurate diagnosis is not the end of the road. It's the beginning. It's empowering. It's like having a choice of going on a journey with some general information and directions, or starting off in the dark. (Personally I'd go for a bit of information to help me get headed in the right direction every time!) A diagnosis--or at least a good, reasonable idea of where the child's challenges lie--aids parents in finding information in this big wide world of overwhelming information. in my opinion, the more data about the child you have, the more beneficial information you will find. The diagnosis--whether official or not--aids them in linking up to other parents who are struggling with the same issues, and who can provide encouragement. It aids them in finding helpful professionals when what they're doing on their own isn't getting the job done or is way outside of their areas of expertise. It aids them in getting school services and insurance coverage for appointments, therapies, or medications. Whether the diagnosis is a formal, clinical diagnosis given by a diagnostician or a parent absolutely sure they've found the right condition and refusing a formal diagnosis and label(s)...or whether the parent involves professional therapists or attempts therapeutic measures at home on their own, either way, arriving at that point of recognizing what's going on is empowering.
So, whether a parent opts for a formal diagnosis and professional help, or opts to go about it another way, all are ultimately after the same thing, which as you say here below is what every parent wants for their child.
Okay, so here's a 64,000 dollar question, another one: what, if anything, can one do at the earliest ages to foster a future adult who is functioning, socially aware, happy and well-adjusted? (What every parent wants for their child.)
I consider that my son is a difficult child with easy child potential or easy child capabilities. How can I encourage and develop that potential? That is a real question to me right now and what I have been working to answer.
Everyone's journey is different. I'll give you my thoughts and I'm sure others will come along and add theirs.
1) If you've reached the point of recognizing something may be amiss with your child and it's reached the stage of causing functioning problems for the child and/or family, seek out answers.
2) The more data you have on a child at an early age, the better you will be equipped to reconize problem areas and address them. By data I mean parent and teacher observations, and formal assessment results.
Many parents like to take a wait and see approach, for varying reasons. Maybe a spouse is opposed because they aren't seeing it. Maybe it's financial. Maybe they're afraid of the outcome. Maybe it's to avoid labels. Maybe they think they can handle it on their own. Etc.
There are some areas--such as speech and language, auditory processing, language processing, and motor skills--in which therapies are most effective at young ages. The brain pathways in young children are developing, and narrow down and in some cases close off, at older ages. You can never get a critical developmental window back again once it's passed. I was an extremely observant parent, but there were some speech and Occupational Therapist (OT) issues I didn't see because they were far outside of my area of expertise.
3) Consider who you are as a parent and person when processing all of this. Sometimes it may have a big impact. A parent with a lot of quirky habits/unusual interests may not see how similar quirks/intersts could be challenging to a child out in the social world. A parent with a very high tolerance for behavioral issues or patience level in dealing with them may not seek out answers, whereas another parent would have years earlier. Some very observant parents will naturally make a lot of changes in a child's environment to help them cope. The child copes better but can't handle the outside world very well and they don't see it because they're doing so well at home.
Those sorts of things.
4) Consider any diagnosis to be a working diagnosis, especially in young children. By a working diagnosis, I mean try it on and see how it fits. Most of the time kids aren't textbook cases that have every symptom, but generally does it seem reasonable? Are the strategies, therapies, and/or medications suggested for that disorder effective?
5) Be willing to disagree with any professional who takes a strong stance about your child that you don't agree with. We've had parents come through here with kids whose diagnosis or recommendations doesn't make any sense based on what they're telling us. Most of the time it was based on incomplete information or someone basing a diagnosis on too little data or very literal interpretations of diagnostic criteria.
6) Listen to your heart. Take everything else into advisement, but in the end you know your child best.
7) Face the fact that there are times you will be wrong, and that you need to change course. There might be times when a teacher or therapist sees what you didn't. There will be times you will have to eat your words. "I don't want to..." and "I will never..." may one day become "I'm doing this because my child needs it."
8) Life is therapy. Baking cookies together can be a natural lesson in language sequencing. A trip to the toy store an outing to help build up confidence for kids with anxiety. Stopping to smell scented candles a way to nudge a sensory adverse child forward.
9) Identify the hard things in the child's life, and work out adaptations to cope with them. How to handle the trip to the store, the library, a family outing, parting at the school door, getting through a bath, etc?
10) Recognize the child may not be ready for _____. There are times when you will get all geared up to address and issue only to discover that they aren't there yet. Sometimes you just need to respect that and set it aside until they're ready.
11) Steal from other camps. A child with ADHD may benefit greatly from a strategy commonly used for kids with Autistic Spectrum Disorder, and visa versa. This is especially helpful for kids who don't fall squarely into one diagnosis.
12) If what you're doing isn't working, find strategies and adaptations that do. Give new things a reasonable timeframe to work. Most parents who've been here any length of time have had to adopt different parenting styles than their friends and families.
13) Look for simple solutions, and think outside the box. If only I had realized earlier that drawing an arrow along with the word "OFF" above the hot water knob on the bathtub would empower an anxious child and alleviate fears, believe me I would have done it sooner.
14) Partner with your child's teachers and school. Seek out other parents who have been in your shoes and find out what they've done to effectively work with them. This goes beyond the child and into the school community. I know parents who join the parent-teacher organization as a way to get to know other parent's and develop a relationship with the principal. And I know parents who avoid the parent-teacher organization because of ongoing friction with the principal and that group.
15) Be willing to disagree with school, if that's what's needed. They won't always be right, just as you won't always be right.
16) Remember that where you are today isn't where you might be a month from now, or a year from now. At the beginning most parents pass through a time where they won't consider professional help or medications, but some wind up having to go there. Right now a parent might be a mom with an out of control four year old who can barely leave the house because the child can't handle it. Six months from now or six years or sixteen years from now they will be in a different place.
17) Don't get so caught up in one child and their issues that you lose sight of whoever it is that you are--a person, a parent to other kids, a spouse, a family member, a friend. Take care of yourself because your emotional and physical well-being is critical to be able to care for you challenging little one.
18) Give your child what every kid needs--loads of love, support, guidance, encouragement. First and foremost, be their parent, their cheerleader, and their champion. Everything else comes after that.
