Hello All,
I found this forum after doing a search for disowning adult children, I need to vent. My situation is so secret even my closest friends and my family have no idea what I am going through (i live in another state from family so its not hard to hide) Only my sister knows whats happening.
My middle son is 25 . After the things he did today the bridges have been burned, I want to say I am 100% done but he has a way of drawing me back in.
He has always been a difficult child from the minute he was born. He cried so much and was so angry as a baby and toddler friends and family stayed away. He is so verbally abusive. I spent years being tormented and bullied by him. Ive lost friends, jobs and my sanity over this kid. There are times I would try and go to work and he would get in my car and just calmly sit there all defiant with his arms crossed calling me the most vile names and refusing to get out of my car. You Effing C**t. You absolute piece of S**t mom. You are such a loser, a disappointment, no wonder everyone hates you, your such a crappy mother. And then he would laugh at me, I had to call the police many times to get him removed from my car but in the end I always looked like a bad parent who cant control thier kid.
He is always running his mouth and being super hateful.At age 13 he was diagnosed as having bi-polar disorder. He was medicated but refused to take medication. The counselors we went to changed every week and there was no consistency. The only unit in our area that dealt with bi-polar kids actually quit seeing us because we missed 2 appointment in a row. I couldn't get him in my car and they said i need to learn to control my kid better,,,,,ugh.
So I pulled him out of high school and sent him to Job Corp. The only thing he learned there was how to sell drugs . He did get his GED and i allowed him to come back home if he went to college. He did sign up for classes but quickly dropped out and gave me false reason after false reason.
At 17 he was arrested for having a small amount of pot on him and went through what our county calls the PAY program. What a joke, He was court ordered to stay clean, attend classes, write 3 letters to me, 1 telling me nice things about our family, one thanking me for all the sacrifices i made and 1 apologizing for his bad behavior. He had to also do 40 hours of community service. He did none of these. He told me that he was not going to pass a drug test and I told him he needed to take responsibility for himself so he called the states attorneys office to let them know he wont pass their drug test,,,,the woman on the phone told brandon she was happy he was honest and she wont test him that month so he wont fail,,,WTF???......Also when he called her I always had him on speaker phone because he would lie to me about the things they said and the woman actually criticized me for that and told my son from now on their meetings would take plce in her office,,,,,,then without warning they passed him from the PAY program even though he didnt complete a single thing that was court ordered.
The next few years are a swirl of heavy drug use, attempted suicide attempts, homelessness, 3 kids with 3 moms who he has abandoned and then a junkie wife, He married her so he can visit her in rehab.
He has spent the last few weeks trying to convince me that he is getting clean. He has infections in his arms from using dirty needles and has been hospitalized,
I made the decision to not invite him for thanksgiving, I cant have him here, He cusses up a storm, calls me Dude, talks nasty in front of my stepkids who are 15 and 16 , makes crude comments and constantly makes fun of me. Instead I cooked him a dinner to take to him.
Well he didnt answer any of my messages all night and finally messaged me at 4 am. Something else I keep asking him to stop doing, He refuses to accept any boundaries that are set. If i ask him to not call or text after 10 pm he will blow up my phone starting at midnight and then call me names .
So this morning He sent me a picture of a nasty injury , he claims he was bitten by a spider but you can clearly see its from a needle.At 4 am. I didnt respond and ask if he was ok and he lost his ever loving mind,
He told me to not even bother bringing him food today and started acting like the victim, Why do you treat me like this, how can you not care about your son, your my mom etc etc,,,all because i didnt respond at 4 am because i was sleeping.
Lots of words were exchanged and i eventually ended up taking him his food. My husband told me hat he feels my son was high as a kite and i kind of didnt want to believe him.
I get to where my son is staying and he comes walking out of the house filthy and covered in sores and some flea ridden crackhead girl was with him as well.He refuses to look at me and will only address my husband saying how can you be with her, she is so hateful, look at the texts she sends me, who talks to thier kid like that? My husband says he saw all the messages and i never once spoke bad to him.He then takes the box of food i gave him and kicked it across his driveway, This girl i have never seen before is in my face calling me all kinds of names and saying shes going to kick my . Hes calling me an Effing C**nt and saying to suck his ****. Hes calling me all kinds of names and saying im a shitty person and he effing hates me blah blah bah,,,,,,,,,i am so done with this, I have been listening to his abuse for years and i want to be done, I cant do this anymore. I need to cut him off completely,
Last week he told me he dropped 100 hits of acid and it changed his life forever and hes a good person now and is going to change.
Anyway I am sorry this is long, I just really need to vent, I keep re-living the argument over and over again and it feels surreal. I mean who talks to thier mom like that and allows another stranger to speak to thier mom that way?
Thank you for letting me vent and get this out,
I found this forum after doing a search for disowning adult children, I need to vent. My situation is so secret even my closest friends and my family have no idea what I am going through (i live in another state from family so its not hard to hide) Only my sister knows whats happening.
My middle son is 25 . After the things he did today the bridges have been burned, I want to say I am 100% done but he has a way of drawing me back in.
He has always been a difficult child from the minute he was born. He cried so much and was so angry as a baby and toddler friends and family stayed away. He is so verbally abusive. I spent years being tormented and bullied by him. Ive lost friends, jobs and my sanity over this kid. There are times I would try and go to work and he would get in my car and just calmly sit there all defiant with his arms crossed calling me the most vile names and refusing to get out of my car. You Effing C**t. You absolute piece of S**t mom. You are such a loser, a disappointment, no wonder everyone hates you, your such a crappy mother. And then he would laugh at me, I had to call the police many times to get him removed from my car but in the end I always looked like a bad parent who cant control thier kid.
He is always running his mouth and being super hateful.At age 13 he was diagnosed as having bi-polar disorder. He was medicated but refused to take medication. The counselors we went to changed every week and there was no consistency. The only unit in our area that dealt with bi-polar kids actually quit seeing us because we missed 2 appointment in a row. I couldn't get him in my car and they said i need to learn to control my kid better,,,,,ugh.
So I pulled him out of high school and sent him to Job Corp. The only thing he learned there was how to sell drugs . He did get his GED and i allowed him to come back home if he went to college. He did sign up for classes but quickly dropped out and gave me false reason after false reason.
At 17 he was arrested for having a small amount of pot on him and went through what our county calls the PAY program. What a joke, He was court ordered to stay clean, attend classes, write 3 letters to me, 1 telling me nice things about our family, one thanking me for all the sacrifices i made and 1 apologizing for his bad behavior. He had to also do 40 hours of community service. He did none of these. He told me that he was not going to pass a drug test and I told him he needed to take responsibility for himself so he called the states attorneys office to let them know he wont pass their drug test,,,,the woman on the phone told brandon she was happy he was honest and she wont test him that month so he wont fail,,,WTF???......Also when he called her I always had him on speaker phone because he would lie to me about the things they said and the woman actually criticized me for that and told my son from now on their meetings would take plce in her office,,,,,,then without warning they passed him from the PAY program even though he didnt complete a single thing that was court ordered.
The next few years are a swirl of heavy drug use, attempted suicide attempts, homelessness, 3 kids with 3 moms who he has abandoned and then a junkie wife, He married her so he can visit her in rehab.
He has spent the last few weeks trying to convince me that he is getting clean. He has infections in his arms from using dirty needles and has been hospitalized,
I made the decision to not invite him for thanksgiving, I cant have him here, He cusses up a storm, calls me Dude, talks nasty in front of my stepkids who are 15 and 16 , makes crude comments and constantly makes fun of me. Instead I cooked him a dinner to take to him.
Well he didnt answer any of my messages all night and finally messaged me at 4 am. Something else I keep asking him to stop doing, He refuses to accept any boundaries that are set. If i ask him to not call or text after 10 pm he will blow up my phone starting at midnight and then call me names .
So this morning He sent me a picture of a nasty injury , he claims he was bitten by a spider but you can clearly see its from a needle.At 4 am. I didnt respond and ask if he was ok and he lost his ever loving mind,
He told me to not even bother bringing him food today and started acting like the victim, Why do you treat me like this, how can you not care about your son, your my mom etc etc,,,all because i didnt respond at 4 am because i was sleeping.
Lots of words were exchanged and i eventually ended up taking him his food. My husband told me hat he feels my son was high as a kite and i kind of didnt want to believe him.
I get to where my son is staying and he comes walking out of the house filthy and covered in sores and some flea ridden crackhead girl was with him as well.He refuses to look at me and will only address my husband saying how can you be with her, she is so hateful, look at the texts she sends me, who talks to thier kid like that? My husband says he saw all the messages and i never once spoke bad to him.He then takes the box of food i gave him and kicked it across his driveway, This girl i have never seen before is in my face calling me all kinds of names and saying shes going to kick my . Hes calling me an Effing C**nt and saying to suck his ****. Hes calling me all kinds of names and saying im a shitty person and he effing hates me blah blah bah,,,,,,,,,i am so done with this, I have been listening to his abuse for years and i want to be done, I cant do this anymore. I need to cut him off completely,
Last week he told me he dropped 100 hits of acid and it changed his life forever and hes a good person now and is going to change.
Anyway I am sorry this is long, I just really need to vent, I keep re-living the argument over and over again and it feels surreal. I mean who talks to thier mom like that and allows another stranger to speak to thier mom that way?
Thank you for letting me vent and get this out,